Super Girl's Day

Before I start, I must appologize for my absence to the three people who regularly frequent this page and have come to rely (heh... funny) on this page for entertainment (really just to gawk at the train wreck of my life and be amazed at the idiotic things that come out of my head, but that's cool too), I have been busy... or was it just lazy? Whatever.

Sunday was the anniversary of the birth of my oldest progeny. She turned 6. So in true Mommy Blog form I will indulge in telling her BIRTH STORY! Yeah I know, you don't really give a shit, but I feel obligated to do this. ;o)

Friday February 12, 1999 K and I got into a disussion on whether or not my water (as in the stuff around the baby, not the glass on my night stand) was leaking or not. I was 5 days late at this point (and HUGE) so we decided to hold off on going to work and call the Dr. office. At 8 am I was standing in my kitchen about to call the doctors office when I had my first REAL contraction. I was so excited - I told K, who was also excited - then I called the doctors office. We went to my doctor and saw the PA on duty who informed me that my water was not broken, but I was in fact in labor and dialated to 4 cm, to go on home and wait.

K and I were soooo excited. We got out of the doctors office at 11 AM and decided to go to lunch. My contractions were mild so I was thinking that this would be EASY. Little did I know. Anyway, we go to lunch at Steak Kountry, a little hole in the wall near where we lived. The funniest part was the waitress asking when I was due and me saying that I was in labor right then, her eyes got as big as saucers and she said "Why are you here???", because I was hungry!

At 11 pm that night I was STILL in labor (and totally fucking tired of it). We went to bed. I got up at midnight to take a shower since the 'easy contractions' I was having were now no longer so easy... and my back hurt. Back to bed around 1 am, up again 2 am for another hot shower. I wake K at 2:30 am to time contractions (actually just because I didn't want to be awake and misreble alone, he needed to be awake and misreble with me). At the MOMENT I was finally having contractions 5 minutes apart, I told K to call the hospital, that we were headed in - I was READY for this to be over. I called D and told her to meet us at the hospital, woke my grandmother to tell her I was FINALLY leaving. It was 3 am, Saturday February 13th. I was no longer happy or excited, I was irritable, sleep deprived, bitchy and anxious to get this the fuck over with.

Sometime after we checked into the hospital K & D told the nurses I hadn't sleept much in the past three days (which is true) and I was offered some drugs to help me sleep as according to them I wasn't very far along (they threatened to send me home but D told them that was a no go since I was 45 minutes from the hospital). I accepted the drugs at the urging of K and D. The rest of this shit is just fuzzy because of all the drugs. D or K can correct some of this shit someday.

I was now whacked out on drugs so I would fall asleep while talking, waking to have a really really painful contraction. I think D painted my nails and tried to play cards with me. I believe I was evil and psychotic when I had contractions yelling at people to just talk to me to distract but don't touch me (in the end I think K was reading me things from his game books). D left at some point and smuggled in contraband food - I remember french fries and chocolate milk. Thousands of people were in and out of my room, I would not be surprised if every janitor in the building was in there at one time - all the while I'm laying in the bed and at various times flat on my back with my cooch exposed. It was about 9 am they broke my waters in hopes of speeding up labor - which didn't work. 10 am I was offered petocin to move it along - at this point I BEGGED for an epidural - fuck going natural, I was in PAIN. The man who makes things happy showed up and jabbed me in the back. At some point the OB on shift came in, stuck his arm up my cooch all the way to the elbow, said something about me being dialated to a 6 or 7, that it was going to be a while and he was going to his kid's soccer game - see ya! I wished for a knife to jab into his forehead at that moment, but alas that is not typical equipment in a labor room. More dozing, playing cards, babbling incoherently and cursing K for getting me pregnant. At some point my epidural wore off completly on one side causing me GREAT pain - then there was the nurse telling me I wasn't feeling pain, it was pressure - bitch was argueing with me about what I was feeling! Then I started getting all crazy and shit. D when and reemed that nurses ass and got a new nurse in who turned up the drugs. I swear I saw angel wings and a halo on that nurse.

I had to push a long time, that kid was HUGE and NOT coming out, her soulder was caught on my pelvic bone. The doctor used the vacume to get her out but that didn't work, he finally used the salad tongs (forceps) which freaked me out because they are FUCKING HUGE! She popped out then and when the doctor held her up she had her little hand up so I said "Look, she's waveing at me!" which caused everyone to laugh at me, hey I was still whacked out on drugs. But there she was at 6:09 pm weighing 9 lbs and 9 oz, 21.5 inches long. No wonder I was so bitchy while pregnant.

AND 6 years later...

It's her birthday and she's sooooo excited. After naps she requested her birthday cake and wanted to decorate. So it was off to Super WallyWorld to procure a birthday cake, some birthday decorations and a birthday feast fit for a 6 year old. It was fish sticks and french fries for dinner and a cute white cake with big hot pink and yellow flowers decorating it. The cake had SOOOO much frosting on it I thought I was going to go into a diabetic coma half way through my piece. Super Girl was quite happy.

Party Part 2

Sometimes I feel sorry for Super Girl that I birthed her the day before Valentines (hey I was ready to have that baby in January - she was just being stuborn), but for now it's great for her because there was a class Valentine's party already scheduled. I had gotten the okay to bring birthday cupcakes to the class, so she got to hijack the Valentine's party and make it her birthday party. Later in life it's going to suck for her when she has a cheap ass boyfriend who doesn't want to have to spring for a Valentine's present AND a birthday present. I'm so sorry child of mine.

And the fun doesn't end there, since she's the OLDEST grandchild on K's side of the family, there will be ONE final gathering to celebrate her birthday. She's so spoiled.

Okay enough about the offspring, I've done my maternal duty, it's back to talking about ME!!