Tales of Remotes and Blood

I got a UNIVERSAL REMOTE a few days ago. It was time, my remote for the DVD player doesn’t work so well since it’s had milk spilled on it. I discovered this after borrowing ‘Boondock Saints’ from Lerxst last weekend (I love that movie, fucking hot men and guns – sexy!) and trying to watch the deleted scenes (naked fucking hot men – oh yeah!) but not being able to get to them due to the milk encrusted remote. The next day I bought a universal remote. Hold on… back story for the next thing to make sense – I happen to be EXCEEDINGLY cheap. I rarely will EVER replace anything unless it’s beyond repair. Case in point, when K and I first got together he had a big television that was nearly as old as he was but it still worked. Over the years the colors started to get a bit funky, but the reception was fine and the sound worked fine so I refused to even consider buying a new one. One day about 7 years later, the TV bit the big one and I HAD to get a new TV – I just happened to know someone who was selling one that was still fairly new (she was getting married) so I got it for hardly anything and that’s the TV we’ve had for the past 6 years. It works fine, as long as you don’t turn the volume up to loud… then the speakers crackle… but it works FINE. We’d still have that one in the living room entertaining us if not for the opportunity to get a BIGGER NEWER TV for FREE! The only thing is that the buttons to control it on are messed up and there is no remote, so one must be careful when turning on the TV or turning up/down the sound so as to NOT get a little shock (just us a pencil!). I’ve had the TV for 5 or so months and thought this was fine, even the Tiny Terrorists knew how to turn on the TV without getting electrocuted. Back to the other day, we are in the store and I’m scrutinizing my remote selections when K says “ I guess you got tired of the prospect of me electrocuting myself every time I turn on the TV.” I said “No, I’m getting the remote so I can see the special features on ‘Boondock Saints’, the prospect of you getting electrocuted while turning on the television never gets old to me.” Priorities… Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery ‘s fine behinds are worth the expense of getting the new remote, K shocking himself (for my amusement) is not.

On to the BLOOD!

So yesterday morning at 5 am I wake to my nose bleeding. I haven’t had a NOSE BLEED in YEARS! It was disturbing and made it all but impossible to go back to sleep. So I went to sit at my computer and shove Kleenexes up my nose until it stopped. I did this on and off several times during the day. Later that night I was at dinner with Porn Star and La SEG when I feel that trickle from my nose and I grab my napkin to tie dye it red with my leaking brain blood. La SEG says “Oh! You’re bleeding!” I say “Oh I know, it’s fine.” And continue bleeding, Porn Star says nothing, she’s seen it several times that day. The waiter looks at me and asks if everything is all right, then walks away when I say I’m fine. JUST WALKS away, doesn’t offer to get more napkins to replace the one I’m currently spewing blood on, he just WALKS AWAY. Porn Star, being the deeply maternal and caring person got up and grabbed me a napkin or 20. Asshole waiter, I know that if it had been our USUAL wait staff, they would have had all the napkins there for me and would have been compassionate to me even if they did run to the back to wonder exactly how much coke I was snorting before I got there to make my have a nose bleed like that.