Avoiding The Issue…

Just now:

Her: Who was that?
Me: None of your business. (eyes rolling up in head)
Her: Who was it?
Me: It’s none of your business really.
Her: Was it Aunt D?
Me: No really, it’s not your business. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that EVERY time the phone rings it’s not going to be for you. You’re 4 after all.

Kids.

So last night K set in motion a set of events that I had hoped to avoid for a couple more years. Super Girl asking “HOW ARE BABIES MADE???” Sheesh. It all started rather innocently. The Tiny Terrorists asked their daddy for slices of watermelon (ew) and the conversation went to how one should not eat watermelon seeds because as all 1st graders know, they will of course sprout and grow in one’s stomach. At that utterance of wisdom I turned from my computer screen and asked Super Girl who told her that (a girl in her class) little gem of info. Before I could stop myself I decided to have a little fun at the ignorance of my own offspring and went along with the watermelon growing in the stomach thing. Just as I was convincing two wide eyed progeny of this ‘fact’ K pipes in with something about that’s where baby’s come from, women who eat watermelon seeds. With wide amazed eyes Super Girl said “Really?!?” and like a really bad mom, I said “Yes! Haven’t you ever noticed how pregnant women look like they have a watermelon in their bellies?” This conversation continued for a few moments until I realized that I was doing something I swore I would not do to my children – I was LIEING to them! And I vowed from the time they were born that I would not lie to them about anything (except that brown cows give chocolate milk and that I really DO have eyes in the back of my head and that the tooth fairy exists). So quickly told Super Girl that we were just kidding that babies DON’T come from swallowed watermelon seeds and OF COURSE the NEXT thing out of her mouth was “Where DO babies come from?”

Dead silence from us. I suddenly wanted K to burst into flames and for the previous conversation regarding watermelon seeds and babies to have never happened. She’s 7, I suddenly realized that I was completely unprepared for this. My brain went into over drive, what to tell her that was accurate but not to graphic, what to tell her that wouldn’t illicit MORE questions from her and why had K just basically said “Ask your mother” just now? My answer “Uhhhhhh… why don’t we look it up on the internet when I’m done with this e-mail?” She said sure, then K said something about how babies are made when a man and a woman get together and make a baby. I thought “Oh great, now she thinks babies are made from a joint effort of a play dough project! I will look up age appropriate materials to explain this complex phenomenon so that my offspring won’t forever resent the fact that I concocted some lame watermelon story.” Then Super Girl said “Okay” in response to her father’s lame answer and went back to watching the movie. Half an hour later when the Tiny Terrorists headed for bed, I wiped the sweat from my brow as I realized that I had indeed dodged that bullet for the moment.