Monday, July 30, 2007

Terrorist Scout Trip

Saturday was quite the adventure. Mac Gyver and I took a trip to the hereto unheard of town of Frognot Texas. Why? Because we could. I haven’t watched the news but it’s quite possible that if you hear of possible terrorist activities in a small North Texas town, that might have been us. See we thought it would be really fabulous to take photos in Frognot, ya know to commemorate our grand adventure and prove to people that it does in fact exist – though the estimate population is something spectacular like I don’t know, 10 or 15. Anyway, at the point that we were stopped on the side of the highway taking photos of the water tower (because it has a frog on it) I realized that it was quite possible someone might think we were terrorists since we were taking photos of the local water supply. Mac Gyver and I laughed about this while stopping at a convenience store to get ice-cold beverages and I surmised that despite there being a few actual witnesses to our shady photography we were probably safe from detection. Reason being that as soon as anyone mentioned TERRORISTS the local yokels would automatically assume that to be terrorists, we would have to be Middle Eastern men with full beards. Luckily, I waxed recently. An executive decision was made that our terrorist cell would henceforth be called The Divine Bovines and that our scouting trip had to continue into the neighboring towns. What the hell, we managed to get to Frognot without getting lost why not push our luck?

Whitewright Mostly Right

We motored into Whitewright shortly before the sidewalks were rolled up and headed for the ‘Historic Downtown’ for some shopping. What we discovered:
• Their ‘Downtown’ is about a block long
• The flower shop had moved next door and was closed for the day
• There is a Curves there, though it appeared to be closed midday Saturday
• There is only one and I mean ONE store worth going into
• The Webkinz are a fucking bargain there
• I’m a sucker for my kids
• I purchased a Webkin
• I actually purchased 2
• Mac Gyver has more resolve against spending than I do
• That poor woman who owned the store just about talked us to death she’s so starved for human contact
• Most of the realtor places ‘downtown’ were closed
• The listings were posted on the window
• We could buy a ‘fixer upper’ on a shit load of land for almost nothing
• It was out in the freaking boonies though
• And by ‘fixer upper’ they meant “Walls still standing, roof still on, but you’ll need to fucking gut the place to make it livable”
• I would hate living in the country.
• This place sucks.

Outlet For Supplies

Satisfied that we experienced all that Whitewright had to offer, we headed for civilization. The Outlet mall near my house! Oh, the discoveries were many! I won’t bore you with the details – just give you the highlights:
• Black leather hair bands with little skulls on them are awesome!
• 15 year olds in Ramones tee-shirts make me laugh
• Places that give out samples rock
• The Harry & David outlet is still to freaking expensive – but the samples are to die for
• Leaving a store with a bag full of Buddha’s and a couple of good luck frogs is AWESOME

After spending most of my vast fortune (lie), we had a gourmet meal of Taco Bell and discussed our terrorist activities for the day. It was decided that the Divine Bovines terrorist scout mission was a complete success and should be repeated.

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