Why I Want To Be A Man...

I just got out of the shower. Today I decided that I needed to shave my legs... (actually a few days {a week really} ago)... I don't like to shave my legs normally, but I also don't like having gorilla legs. Anyway... I normally wash my hair, wash my body, shave all the normal areas (pits, bikini area) and get the heck out as soon as possible because our water heater is pretty small and the water starts getting cold by then. Well since I'll more than likely be wearing a skirt or dress for the funeral and it was starting to look like I was wearing mohair leg warmers, I figured I better bite the bullet and break out the razor... I had been debating on waxing again which ensures no shaving for at least a month but I'm running a little low on pain killers right now. So I get to my legs as soon as I can in the shower. It's like some stupid extreme sport... I'm rushing lathering up my legs and shaving as fast as I can and doing my best to not slice open a major artery in the process. I'm also trying to be as through as possible because if I miss a spot it will look like I have a gigantic hairy spider sitting on my leg. I complete the first part of my extreme challenge by getting the first leg done and the hot water runs out. Great, the second challenge involves me standing in ice cold water running a razor over my now chilled and goose bump covered flesh and trying not to have major blood loss. I am delighted to say at the moment it appears that I have successfully completed the second part of the challenge with no need to call paramedics.

Damn... men have it great. Don't have to shave any other part of the body except for face... and don't even have to do that unless they want to. The male beauty regiment involves taking a shower. Hair care generally involves washing it with a 2 in one product... Most men don't bother with a separate conditioner... Having 'man hands' is not a put down to them... men's under wear is generally a choice of boxers or briefs... nothing involving the term underwire goes on them. Never having to wear pantyhose... if they burp or fart in public all they have to do is either laugh or excuse themselves... no one thinks it's abnormal. Cosmetics for men involve wearing deodorant and maybe cologne...Not worrying 'if these shoes go with this?' or 'do these pants make my butt look big?' and especially 'gosh I hope no one else at the party is wearing this same outfit!' Not needing Midol ever for any reason. Not worrying about a 'pause' of any kind in their homonal lives.. Scratching in public.... enough said about that... Not having to 'Fake it'.

Men... lucky bastards..