P Is For Prozac, That’s Good Enough For Me!

Tonight K said some thing that made me certain that he is less sane than I previously thought. Out of the blue he says “We could move to Kansas” (he does that every so often, I think just to see the look of incredulity on my face or just to start an insane conversation, it’s fun actually). I asked him to tell me why we would move to Kansas and he said something about them homesteading or something like that (I forget really) again which prompted me to ask him what exactly we would do if we moved to Kansas and he says FARM. Yeah, right. I am a city girl. Though I was born in the back woods bumpkinville city of Monroe, LA, my family had one smart thought and that was to get the fuck out of the sticks! I spent my early formative years in New Orleans. D and I saw ‘wild’ animals when we went to the zoo. The only farm like animals we ever had contact with was the horses that pulled the carriages in the quarter. Our only experience with herding was with our grandmother’s scores of cats (which let me tell you, it’s not as hard as people like to say, all you need is a can opener and a can of tuna). I informed K that it was an insane idea since neither of us knows JACK about farming. When he said something about that we could grow things, I pointed out to him that in the 3 years that we’ve lived here and each year I’ve planted tomatoes, that only one year has that plant grown (sprouting late at that so that by NOVEMBER I had to take the whole damn huge pot inside as it still had tiny green tomatoes on it) and despite my Herculean efforts last year I had yet to even see a sprout this year. It seems that the ONLY thing I can grow with any consistency is basil and I really didn’t think we could have a farm devoted entirely to basil. Then he made a joke about free range basil and I there was a market for free range basil. He then jokingly suggested illegal drugs and I had to once again point out my lack of growing skill. The conversation digressed until I pointed out that EVERY SINGLE trip to Kansas had been tainted in some way. The first visit was to visit a college friend of his who was graduating KSU. One night we went to the bar with him and some friends and this PSYCHO HOSE BITCH that Fred (friend) was wanting to fuck. At one point that night me, K and some of Fred’s friends sat at the table while he and she danced and we all discussed how we all wished he would just go ahead and fuck her and get it over with because none of us could fucking stand her. Oh yeah K and I both got into an argument with the bitch when we got back to Fred’s apartment. It was a night to cherish. This was also the trip that K and I got engaged. Lol. The next trip was after we were married, it was for a college reunion of K’s. That one started badly. I contracted salmonella the night before we left – I didn’t realize it though and thought it was just nerves so I kept popping Imodium and chugging Pepto (which only made things oh so much better). The morning we left, we attended the funeral of a dear friend’s husband. As soon as we got to Kansas my allergies were wrecking havoc on me so I took some Benedryl which caused me to fall asleep while at an outdoor concert and dream of the Jell-o dessert we had eaten previously in a living, moving form. The next trip we went to visit Fred and he was hooked up with yet another PSYCHO HOSE BITCH, except this one he was planning to marry. On the second day of our stay I told K we needed to go to the store to get stuff for dinner and informed him that if she was still a completely RUDE bitch, we would get a hotel room for the night. Apparently Fred was a mind reader or he had force fed her a bottle of Midol as she apologized and the rest of the visit was ALMOST pleasant. The final visit to Kansas was for Fred and Bitch’s wedding. Several things went not so good that time, from the ever so classy and tasty rehearsal dinner at the Golden Coral to the tux not fitting K to me being so tired I thought I had mono or something, to feeling as though we were TRAPPED on the Toll road for eternity. It was a horrible drive home. Though that was the day we found out I was expecting Super Girl, right after we got home I peed on the stick just to rule it out when I called the Dr. the next morning. Boy was I wrong. So yeah, Kansas holds no great attraction for me. All visits have been tainted! After my diatribe about the evils (well maybe naughtiness) of Kansas, K concedes that he has never had a desire to live in Kansas. Fucker was just jerking my chain!

Other Things….

Happily Super Girl was back to school today! Woohooooooo! Cabbage Patch on the other hand seems to have contracted a bad case of the Whiny Ass Bratitis. She must have whined 10 out of the 12 hours she was awake and when she wasn’t whining she was adorable but EVER so NEEDY. Yeah, fabulous. I didn’t get much done other than to get her to change out of her jimmies… at 3 pm! BRAT. I have been searching the internet for a place to get the Children’s Chewable Prozacs for her.