Random Thoughts Between Appointments

Letters In My Head

Dear Mr. Security Guard;

It is well known that most women love a man in uniform, but let me clarify - the whole uniform thing works for military men, police officers and firefighters (HOT!), NOT rent-a-cops, grocery store workers, mail delivery persons (USPS, UPS - ick!, FedX, etc.) or food service workers.

Despite the fact that you are fairly handsome, you are unappealing to me due to the fact that you think you are HOT - there by making me fight the urge to kick you in the nuts every time I see you.

Just because you carry a flashlight and a walkie-talkie it does not make you cool or prestigious - hell I have a flashlight in my purse and a cell phone in my pocket!

In conclusion, I would appreciate you not trying to make passes at me any more, I'm quite certain your valuable time could be used to a more productive purpose such as making sure all the doors are locked/unlocked and telling people they can't park in the loading zone.

Regards,
The Bitchy Chic With A Camera

Dear Mom With Not So Pretty Child;
Your baby is ugly. I'm sorry, but it's true. Your husband is ugly and stupid. You should not have spawned using his DNA contribution. The picture was good, very good even, but I can not work miracles and make your little missing link look cute. Don't worry though, most kids grow out of that and look human soon. As far as your husband, that's nothing a divorce or cyanide can't fix.

Good luck!
Speaking The Truth

Dear Obnoxious Mom With Equally Obnoxious Kids;
You really should keep those kids on leashes when you are in public. The waiting room of a hospital maternity ward is no place to let your kids scream and run and jump off the furniture. I could hear your little monsters screaming all the way in the OTHER wing. You should know better, you work in THIS hospital... Shame on you. Though I was DEEPLY impressed at how you started actually WATCHING your children and telling them to not climb up so high AFTER I had been there for 5 minutes - though not telling them to quiet down. (eyes rolling up in head) They really are cute kids, it's just sad you are letting them develop such bad manners.

I suggest to muzzle them.

Regards,
Duct Tape works well too!

Dear Mother Nature;

Why did you go through all the trouble of making it all cloudy and dark most of the day yesterday, thereby giving everyone false hope of rain? *sigh* We'd ALL like some rain, please send some.

Regards,
I Wanna Wear My Rain Boots

Dear Juan Valdez;

I think I love you, no I just love your COFFEE! I've had WAY too much coffee today and I'm BUZZING! Woohoo! It's fun. I could have fun just sitting here looking at my finger nails right now. :o)

I'd like to marry you Juan, just kidding, I'd like to marry your coffee plants though.

Sincerely,
Sweet and Light, with an Extra Shot!