Bah! Humbug!

This morning right after K left for work, the Tiny Terrorists convened in their room to commence naughtiness. After a few moments, I got smart that something was up and headed up to ther lair to investigate. What I found made my head nearly explode in a shower of lava, brimstone and sparks. I saw my progeny crouched on the floor trying to hide holiday gifts freshly unwrapped. Agggfhhhhhhfuckkkkkkdaaammmnnittohellllllshhhhhittfffuck! I composed myself and controlled my impulse to tell them that opening their presents early had caused Santa Claus to have a heart attack and die, that Christmas was ruined and everyone would hate them so they might as well decide to be Jewish now. Just kidding, my urge was more along the lines of just spanking them both THEN telling them that they'd get no presents until they turn 35. But I digress, I confiscated the pressies and hearded my offspring down stairs so Super Girl could finish getting ready for school. Cabbage Patch was banished to my bedroom to sit in my bed and watch Muppet Treasure Island. That is where she last was when I walked Super Girl to the bus.

And more badness occurs...

When I return, Cabbage Patch is still sitting in my bed and watching Muppet Treasure Island. She smiles at me then states that she moved all the presents into my room. I say 'you don't need to touch the presents' thinking she meant the ones she already opened that morning and glance at the little pink Christmas tree and notice with astonishment that it's present-less now. My eyes bug out of my head, steam pours out of my ears and my face becomes the visage of a skull as I think "I should have spanked them!" All of the presents save one are now unwrapped and stacked in my room. My brain can not comprehend what has just happened except that I'm mightly tempted to inform my 4 year old that the holidays are offically over. But I didn't. I just informed her that I was PISSED and she was in TROUBLE and was GROUNDED from the computer for 2 weeks.

I decided to consult K before I informed my children that their actions made Santa hate them and 15 kittens were killed because of it and the baby Jesus himself cried because even he knew not to open that box of frankensence before the Virgin Mary set it in front of him on Christmas morning after he had gotten the chocolate out of his stocking. I figured since Christmas was in K's department of religious instruction for the offspring, I'd consult with him first. His decision is that they get the pressents on Christmas and I'm not to set them on fire or take down the decorations or tell them that Santa has put a hit out on them. I did tell him that they would both be grounded from the computer for the duration of Super Girl's winter break (which he though was harsh). He said that there would be no Santa gifts this year though, and I'm starting to work on the letter from Santa to the kids - I'll post it later and you can let me know if I'll be causing them permanent psychological damage and many many years of counseling in their future.

Must go, off to fold laundry and ponder the best way to ruin my progeny's childhood yet not look like the bad guy.