It’s Only January And I’m Out Of The Running

Yes, it’s true. I’ve already lost my nomination for Mother Of The Year, but on a ‘brighter’ note, I would bet I’m well on my way to being in the top ten for Worst Mother Of The Year, or so my progeny would say. No matter, I won’t go down alone on this one, I will drag K down into the depths of parental mediocrity with me whether he wants to go or not.

After spending all day long lounging on the couch eating bon bon’s (read: laying on the couch in a semi-conscious fever induced delirium) while Cabbage Patch occupied herself with educational toys and videos (read: while Cabbage Patch reenacted various scenes from Lord Of The Rings using candle holders, Barbie’s, dog toys and a quaint doll house while viewing various obnoxious Disney DVD’s for the 500th time), I discovered that I would have the joy and pleasure of taking care of the children while K attends a political meeting (read: was shocked to be reminded that K would actually leave me alone with our offspring in my state of ill health, even though he had reminded me of his obligations prior to the 10 minutes before he left when he reminded my poor cold medicine addled brain yet again). That would mean that I would need to make DINNER for my delicate little flowers and myself (read: make some fabulous and yummy creation that would be viewed with disdain and ridicule from the Tiny Terrorists who would then proclaim it POISON). I felt a wave of euphoria as I made dinner (read: I felt dizzy from the fever as I made stew).

After a delightful dinner was enjoyed by all (all as in me and only me as the Tiny Terrorists opted instead to eat apples for dinner), it was time for educational pursuits (homework and whining)! That was lovely, truly (yeah, if you find reading two pages of Puss in Boots and listening to a 6 year old whine about writing sentences lovely). Then it was of the hour that I have looked forward to since 6:30 am this morning (it’s true) – BED TIME for the Little People! Woohoo! And this my friend is where I lost all points in the Mother Of The Year thing, I sent my offspring off to bed without being tucked in. Yes I did, I am a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE MONSTER! They weren’t even BAD, I was only thinking of my fever induced dizziness and the horrible wheezing caused by the nasty chest congestion and how it would be detrimental to my own health as well as their mental health if I were to pass out at the top of the stairs and fall down them with the offspring there to witness. Despite my reasoning with the progeny that “Mommy is sick, go to bed now.” I was still met with tears which filled me with the utmost in maternal guilt. Or maybe that was just the fever dementia and cold/flu medicine hallucinations… Ah well, maybe tomorrow I will be miraculously cured of this malady and be back to reading the offspring prose from Shakespeare and Dickens right before explaining the theory of relativity using visual models made from tooth picks and cheese cubes. Yeah… Right… Let’s just pray that the DVD player and the VCR don’t break. ;)

PS I'm still suffering on a slow ass dial up connection, so that means that when I'm not in a cold medicine and fever induced delium, I am tieing up my land line. If you need to call me, call my cell number, if you don't know that... well... ask or just leave a message on my voice mail, I'm sure eventually I WILL check that.