Random Things Said In My Presence

Enjoy the movie… because you can’t get a refund. I mean you can’t get your money back so you might as well enjoy the movie, that’s all.

Her (while watching LOTR): What is he looking for?
Her 2: His creamsicle.
Me: What??????

ME: okay I need to go to bed
THEM: bed is over rated unless there is someone in it
ME: so true, sooooo true

Well I don’t want to trash it up. Fat pregnant hooker look isn't what I want right now.

So I'm white trashed OUT. It’s ubber sexy.

HAMMY: Damn the sperm!

Other Things

I’m lazy, I’m busy, I’m out of touch and under sexed. I haven’t blogged and whatever, I’ll get to it in a while. I have to make a baby quilt this week. I’m such a procrastinator, I’ll be sewing it Friday if I don’t get off my ass and get it started now. It should be delightfully adorable and goth and doesn’t that just sound like a weird combination for a baby quilt? Who cares, Claire will love it. All black and red and silver with little skulls and stuff.

On the Crazy Front

And for once I’m not referring to a family member or close friend. Some men need ball sacks stapled to desk. Apparently I’m being stalked in a passive aggressive manner by a guy I went out with ONCE a couple of months ago. I found him to be intellectually inferior (i.e. fucking stupid) despite being physically appealing to the eye and that is a sin I can not forgive and can not date. So I stopped taking his phone calls. He kept calling but I didn’t answer. The last such ignored phone call was a week or so ago. Yesterday morning my cell phone rang at 6:45 am. It said PRIVATE and that piqued my curiosity so I answered it. What I heard was heavy breathing of someone engaged in some type of masturbatory activity. I thought it was kind of funny and I THOUGHT it was someone else trying to be funny. The call lasted maybe 3 minutes then the caller hung up. Later that morning I asked the ‘someone else’ about the call and he pleaded ignorance and then I was instantly creeped out and disgusted which amused the hell out of him. This morning my phone rang at 5 am! Again with the heavy breathing. This time I said “Who is this?” and the person started saying something about sucking his cock… or maybe sorting his socks… not sure… it was 5 am and I was PISSED about being woken up. I hung up. ASSHOLE calls RIGHT back, I hit ignore and went back to bed. I recognized the voice as the moron from the one date. If he wakes me up again with the sounds of him pulling his pud I will be forced to drive to his house and stab him in the scrot. Don’t think I won’t.