Non Cake Related Post

I know, it's amazing that I have anything to talk about that doesn't involve frosting. Today is my first day off in... for fucking ever. My sister is on her way to Casa De Karmically Challenged as I type. As a result the Tiny Terrorists have been forced into extreme slavery... or at least that's what they would tell you. I figured that my sister might find it a pleasant surprise to not see my living room floor carpeted with dolls, toys and various pieces of dress up clothing. I myself find it refreshing to actually SEE the carpet (ew... needs a good steam cleaning). Here is the most AMAZING part, as is usual for cleaning, I spent an hour nagging them to pick up that, pick up that, pick up THAT, put it away or throw it away, put it away or throw it away, put it away or I'll shovel it ALL in the TRASH and finally I picked up the time out timer and set it for 20 minutes. I told the offspring that they had 20 minutes to clean up. AMAZINGLY they actually cleaned, quickly with a MINIMAL amount of whining. AND they enjoyed it! They were all excited about the prospect of beating the clock.

Although this method only brought loud whines when I employed it for them to clean up their toy area. Hmmmm... so fickle these offspring of mine.

Just a Small Breed

I then vacuumed the floor. I know, that's thrilling. My vacuum cleaner sounded like it had asthma so I flipped it over and realized there was a huge amount of HAIR and thread wrapped around the brush. I grabbed my scissors and cut off enough of MY HAIR to build a pretty good sized Chihuahua. MY HAIR! As I kept pulling more and more of it off I wondered why I am not completely BALD? And WHY was it only MY hair and no one else. Makes me wonder if my cats are hacking up MY hair when they have hair balls and not their own. No one else seems to shed around here. Makes me want Coco to visit just so I could blame some of this on her.

I gotta go back to cleaning now.


The Most Absurd Things Said To Me Recently

On a phone call "Umm there is a hot homeless man over here." Two words that do not go together HOT and HOMELESS.