The Tooth Fairy

Well I finally got Super Girl on the Tooth Fairy's schedule. Okay, okay, I suck for not getting the whole Tooth Fairy thing already done with. It's been a little over a week since she lost that tooth. Stop giving me the dirty looks.

Here is the most recent Tooth Fairy Letter:

November 12, 2004

Ms. Tooth Fairy
101 Fantasy Street
Toothland

Dearest Ms. Fairy;

I would like to thank you very much for the two coins I received for my last tooth. I recently lost another tooth (my forth tooth).

I again am requesting a new tooth to replace this one – also I would like to know if I can get an estimate on when the replacement tooth for the last tooth will be in. I currently am sporting quite an impressive gap in the front. This is fine for now as I am just 5 years old, but eventually I’ll be 6 and I’m not sure I would like to be 6 and have such a large gap in the front.

I am certain that mommy has provided you with my tooth as she did before (in the envelope). I am requesting three shiny coins in exchange for the tooth. I will look for them in the envelope tomorrow morning.

I will make certain that mommy sets up her coffee maker again for you as well as setting out the last remaining packet of hot chocolate (so you don’t piss of mommy by using her Splenda). Just heat the water in the coffee maker and add the chocolate mix.

Also try not to spook the gerbil, she can be quite jumpy at times.

Much warmth,

Super Girl

And the reply:

November 12, 2004

Super Girl
Some Street
Somewherein, Texas

My dearest sweet Super Girl;

Thank you dearly for your precious tooth. I am pleased to learn that you have in fact been very good at taking care of your lovely teeth. Keep up the good work! Brush morning and night and floss too!

Patience dear child, teeth don’t grow on trees you know. I have arranged for replacements for your missing teeth and they will be there in their own due time. Have no fear you shall have front teeth when you are 6, I am confident it will make eating apples much easier.

Please accept these three shiny coins in exchange for your precious tooth.

Thank you for the tasty cup of hot chocolate (I didn’t use your mother’s Splenda, she really needs to get over that obsession). Now I’m off to finish my night of gathering shiny baby teeth!

Wishing you much love and shiny teeth,

Ms. Tooth Fairy


Someday she'll thank me for the efforts I put into this. Either that or she'll use all the bits and pieces of information I've carefully documented to prove my insanity and have me locked away in a nice cushie cell. Either way, I'm sure I'll apreciate her reaction.