Bad Connection


I hate it when people call for K. Well actually I hate when the call for him then talk to me like I know the information they want. Here’s a recent phone call I took:

Phone: *Ring!* *Ring!*
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi, I’m uh.. calling for K.
Me: I’m sorry he’s not home right now, he’s at work.
Them: Well… um.. I’m (insert random name) from the (insert random political organization) and was wondering, blah, blah, blah (sorry I just kind of zoned out at this point).
Me: Ooooookay… He’s not home right now.
Them: Well can I give you my phone number and my cell number and my office number and my social security number and my mother’s maiden name and every other possible way of getting a hold of me including the frequency for the homing device that’s implanted in my brain for just such an instance as this because I’m such an important person that people need to be able to get in touch with me every moment of every day even if I’m in the crapper? (it was something close to that, remember I said I zoned out)
Me: Uhhhhh… K has to take his test tonight so I’m not sure when he’ll be home. Why don’t you e-mail him, as that’s probably the best way to get in touch with him (*left unsaid but thought loudly* because I’m not about to take a freaking phone message. If the number on the caller ID isn’t enough then you are just out of luck dude! Just because I can ANSWER a phone doesn’t mean I’m responsible enough to actually TAKE a phone message AND deliver it! Sheesh! I have a short attention span! Give me a break! Ohhhh! Look! Shiny!)
Them: Oh, yeah, that would work. What’s his e-mail address?
Me: It’s .
Them: Ummmmm…. *starts spelling it out really slowly*
Me: *thinking* oh for fuck’s sake, just write it down and get off the phone. *speaking* (spelling out the addy and listening to him repeat every letter after I do until I get to a Y at which he hesitates and acts confused) …Y like yodel.
Them: Y like yodel? *sounding confused like I just told him to have romantic relations with a rabid poodle*
Me: Y like yodel… *him still sounding like a primo ‘tard* … Y like Yahoo.
Them: Oh, okay.
Me: Okay, just e-mail him.
Them: That sounds like a great idea. What I was wanting to do (my brain started to cramp about then and I don’t remember if he was talking about writing political letters or if he was describing the latest and greatest Discover Channel documentary about the mating of those red assed baboons.)
Me: *thinking* good lord man! Shut the fuck up! Isn’t your village missing their idiot by now? Won’t they be looking for you?
Them: yadda, yadda, yadda… So what is K taking a test in.
Me: *snapping back to the here and now* Huh? What? Oh, uh.. some math thing. Calculus or something like that, I really don’t have a clue.
Them: Oh I was just wondering because I’m a physist.
Me:*thinking - Physist? And he doesn’t know that YODEL starts with a Y? What are you, like Rain Man? Why are you still talking???* um hum.
Them: Well I’ll just go a head and e-mail him.
Me: Yeah, that’s a good idea.

Another person called for K and when I informed her that he was at work, she did the same thing! She started giving me all this information that there is no way in hell I’ll remember because quite frankly, Scarlet, I just don’t give a damn. Now when I call for someone and am told they aren’t home, I just ask when is a better time to call and call back. I don’t leave that monumental responsibility of taking a detailed and correct message to someone I don’t even know! Sheesh they might be as irresponsible or have as short of an attention span as I do! I often tell people to call back later if they want to talk to K, I know it’s bitchy but whatever, it’s better than saying “sorry, I may actually write your number down, but there’s no way in hell he’ll get this message unless he actually finds it before I forget what it is and throw it away. I’m just not responsible. And more importantly, I just don’t care. At the point that you asked for K and not for me, I totally zoned out so even if I SAY I’ll take your number I’m really not going to do it because I don’t even have a pen or pencil near me, I’m just going to pause like I am writing your number down but I won’t really, so you need to either call back after 7 or try mental telepathy. It’s nothing personal I’m just seriously ADD and I’ll forget you called in about 5 minutes, I’m easily distracted after all – oh look! Shiny! ”

There are certain people who call for K and I recognize their number or name on caller ID and I won’t even pick up the phone if they call. No reason to, I don’t want to even hear their irritating voices much less have an irritating conversation with them where in they may or may not mispronounce IKEA or act surprised that K’s at work at 3 pm in the afternoon making me want to strangle them or ask me a detailed question about K’s plans for the weekend of which I am generally no part of and have no knowledge of. So I just don’t answer. I have call notes, it’s a damn good investment to me if I don’t have to actually TALK to these people.

So.. ummm yeah.. don’t call for K until he’s home from work.