When The Morning Starts With Vomit, You Know It’s Only Going Down Hill From There

The Little People want to kill me. I’m sure of it. Why else would they continue to crawl in bed with me and disturb my sleep? Why else would they want me to walk around like a zombie all day from lack of restful sleep? I need to explain to them that it’s not a good idea to off a parental unit if there is no life insurance policy to collect on. Also it’s a bad idea to off the only person who can fix your hair and dress you in matching clothes so you don’t spend every waking moment looking like a cross between a circus clown and a homeless person. I am planning that speech for tonight right before they bring me the hot tea laced with cyanide as I very well may gulp that down and ask for another cup if my day keeps going like it is now.

Where to start…. Just a couple of hours after I went to bed last night I was joined by my two offspring claiming to have had bad dreams and need to sleep with me. Being that I had been sound asleep and it was cold I didn’t feel like walking up the stairs and insisting they get back in their own beds and therefore let them sleep with me. *sigh* About 4 am Cabbage Patch wakes and tells me that her tummy hurts, probably from eating too much pizza (she actually said that) and instead of going with my internal Mommy Alarm, I just rubbed her tummy for her and told her to go back to sleep. 30 minutes later my folly was evident as she sat up and proceeded to puke in the middle of my bed. Where in I awoke completely and told her to go to the bathroom and throw up there! As she scrambled to the bathroom she proceeded to hurl on my pillow, and my comforter and the afghan and the floor in the bathroom, but I don’t believe at any time she ever did puke in the toilet. (Funny thing is, she sat on the toilet and said “Mommy, they squeezing my tummy!” and I said “Yes honey, that’s called throwing up, that’s what happens.” She’s never thrown up before; this was all new to her.)

A couple of hours later it’s time to get up and get Super Girl ready for school. I turn off my alarm … and fall asleep until K walks into the room at just after 7 to see if we are awake. Shit, now we are late! What fun! AND it was raining this morning! Woohoo! Running in the rain to make sure the offspring catches her bus was invigorating!

Later, my normally abnormally quiet child Cabbage Patch, decided that right during an important phone call I needed to take and needed her to be QUIET for that she needed to sing and talk to her self. 10 minutes after I reschedule the call for a QUIETER time NEXT week, she’s sound asleep! Sheesh!

On top of all that my FAT pants are too tight today. My tax refund didn’t get deposited today due to who-the-fuck-even-knows, but it didn’t and since they only deposit once a week, looks like it won’t come until Friday of next week. And there’s a waiting period for a gun but not a carton of Hagen Daz! Why? Why? The ice cream will only make my ass bigger – but the gun, oh the gun could make the world a happier place one asshole at a time. Well whatever, I have no gun or ice cream around anyway.

*sigh* back to washing pukey bed sheets.