Easy Bake Oven

On to the NEXT part of my BIRTHDAY! Oh I forgot to mention that while we were waiting to be seated, I sat on the floor and opened all my presents like a 3 year old. Yeah, whatever, my party, my pressies, my goodness I’m sure everyone else in the waiting area appreciated me sitting and not flashing my leopard print panties at them any more. (enjoy photo)

My Pressies!


After The Magic Time Machine dinner there was a debate as to where to go after. The initial thought was to go to Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar but many people were going to Ben’s so the few of us who were holding out for Pete’s gave in and went to Ben’s. This is where My FUN began. And that would be the FUN as in dysFUNctional.

Misdirectional Me

Anyone who’s known me more than 15 minutes should know that I can get lost going to the bathroom in my own home. Luckily for me I convinced Shaz to take pity on me and WAIT so I could follow her to Ben’s… the bar I’ve been to many, many times… I’ve even driven by myself... but I couldn’t have fucking found it by myself, so yeah… whatever. ANYWAY… I digress, Shaz helped stuff all of the balloons in my car and I pulled out to follow her. Okay, before I go any further I must take a moment to explain my car. I drive a 1994 Mazda Protégé. With no AC (I need to get the Freon refilled… well switched over to the more environmentally friendly kind so I don’t burn a hole in the ozone and refilled… whatever... it’ll happen when I have more $$$) and only one side mirror – don’t as me why, but apparently it wasn’t a STANDARD FEATURE back in 1994 – I guess people just drove nicer back then, it must have been common place for people to just move over when they saw a turn signal flashing… not like now when the turn signal causes people to instinctively speed up and cut you off thereby necessitating the use of the side mirror (and hand grenade launcher… or the throwing of a juice box) as well as turning to look and much praying/swearing and maneuvering to get over to make your fucking exit and not get hit by a bitch talking on the cell phone while driving her over priced gas guzzling HUMMER full of pretentious family members and not paying attention to anything else around her due to her current distracted state thanks to the phone and her mega dose of Prozac and Vodka… um.. yeah… what was I talking about? Oh yes! My CAR! As well as all those fabulous features, my car has a completely black interior… it’s a standard… and it has a tape player. The exterior of my car shows a great deal of character, i.e. it’s a bit dinged, but not completely unfortunate looking. So yeah, older, one mirror, black blazing hot interior, standard, bad stereo, dinged… I love my car. Really I do. When it’s not incredibly hot (like it is NOW) its fun to drive. Otherwise it’s like driving an Easy Bake oven with a bad stereo.

So… where was I? Ah yes. Shaz helped me stuff the back seat of the Easy Back with balloons and I pulled out to wait for her to lead me to Ben’s. As I waited I phoned a hot man on my cell phone, which for some fucked up reason I didn’t have my ear piece so I was having to hold the phone to my own ear. Of course on pulling out of my parking spot I failed to realize at that moment that no only could I not see out of the back window of the Easy Back, but the large multitude of balloons was effectively blocking my view to actually look to the right to make certain I could change lanes safely as I have only one side mirror (drivers side) as I have already mentioned – I would discover this later… like on the high way as I shifted, balanced the phone on my shoulder, sweated profusely, tried to shift balloons, feathers flapping (hot pink boa remember), tried to see to change lanes, prayed out loud (if you count ‘Oh Fucking Gawd! Please let that lane be clear! I can’t see a fucking thing! Don’t let me die in the Easy Bake Oven!’) and checking to see if my brownies were cooked yet as I tried to keep up with Shaz who was driving as she usually does – which is VERY fast with MANY lane changes – with little regard to my perilous situation. Some supreme being was watching over me that night or was just laughing it’s ass off to much to let anything happen and I arrived at Ben’s safe and sweaty.

I got out of the Easy Bake amid a cloud of tiny pink feathers. I’m sure the people around me kept expecting a troupe of midget clowns to follow me out of the Easy Bake.

I was greeted with many happy birthday wishes (I love my friends so much!) and no one laughed about the fact that in my hot pink boa and plastic tiara I resembled a very short drag queen – bad drag. What the fuck, I love that boa! Some random person in the bathroom disagreed with my ascertation of looking like a drag queen and said I looked like I was having FUN – which is just a really nice way of saying “You must be so fucking drunk to go out in public like that! How funny! Now I’ll have someone to talk about.” No matter, I was having fun – and thankfully I never had the urge to break out into any Streisand songs. Upon return to my friends, it was pointed out to me that I was molting everywhere (ahhh what an interesting path I was leaving, if only Hansel and Gretel had thought of that. No one would mess with a trail of hot pink feathers!) and La Seg rightfully pointed out that with all the tiny pink feathers all over my black outfit I appeared to have been molested by a Muppet.

Everything wrapped up about 1am or so and Wynde Darling suggested that I have a little consideration of my own safety and put the damn balloons in the trunk of the Easy Bake, which until she actually SAID that I never even fucking considered. This worked so incredibly well I was completely shocked at my own stupidity at not thinking of it myself.

The next morning when I went to my car, I was amused to see my car covered in little pink feathers looking like it had been the scene of a wild Muppet Orgy. Go Muppets! Go Muppets! Well where did you think the new ones come from? A sock drawer?

And THAT concludes the birthday report. The photos kick ass. Thank you to EVERYONE who came out, to EVERYONE who sent b-day wishes, to EVERYONE who couldn’t come out also, and to ALL of my friends – I love each and every one of you totally and completely – platonically that is, at least for MOST of you ;). This truly has been a most incredible and fabulous birthday, the BEST I’ve ever had and I have all of you to thank for it.

go look at the photos!