Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Why Parenthood Is So Much Fun

I would never have these conversations if I didn't have kids.

Supergirl: Wow! Did you see that? She went in one side and popped out the other side. Cats are flexible.
Me: mmmmhmmm
Supergirl: But dogs aren't.
Me: Maybe they are too.
Supergirl: Cats are really flexible.
Me: Maybe they do yoga when we aren't home.
Supergirl: Yeah. But not Dusty. Not anything with jumping for her.
Me: Cat yoga.

Later... Meltdown time.

Cabbage Patch: I don't want to wear this sock! It's stupid!
Me: I know.
Cabbage Patch: I don't want to wear this sock! It doesn't fit! Whaaaaaa!
Me: Funny, it looks like it fits, it's on your foot.
Cabbage Patch: This sock is stupid! I don't want to wear it!
Me: Good thing today is stupid sock day.
Cabbage Patch: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I hate this sock!

Why did that happen? Because she wanted to wear a white sock and a purple sock and I said no, no, no, no. She rebuked the white sock I gave her to wear.

I find this more amusing than upsetting. I have a sock story in my past.

Lets go back to a time when I was a wee child of maybe 4. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth... er... kidding, not that old... back when black and white televisions were common, kids rode Big Wheels and cartoons only came on briefly in the afternoons and on Saturday mornings. It was a lovely spring/summer day, I was decked out in a sun dress and socks with sandals (come on, it was the mid 70's - socks and sandals WAS fashionable). Not just ANY socks mind you but thin nylon ankle socks with lace trim. The ONLY kind of socks I would wear (without an absolute meltdown and half a day of pouting and sulking). My mother and I were walking down the street, we approached a puddle left by the recent rains. My mother, being a mother and all said "Judy, don't step in that puddle." And I, being 4 and all, stepped right in the puddle with my left foot. I soaked my tiny white sock. I did the only reasonable thing, I told my mother that my SOCK was WET and I refused to take another step. My mother knelt down and removed my sandals and my now wet and dirty sock and it's mate and then attempted to put my sandals back on my feet sans socks. That was just crazy talk! I would have NONE of that. Sandals minus socks was an unreasonable option. I told her in no uncertain terms that fact. I believe it was something like "No! No! No! No! No!" Mother, being observant as she was known to be, saw the 5 and 10 store right across the street from us and suggested we walk over there and procure me another pair of pristine white socks with lace on the edges. This was a great idea, except... I could NOT walk. Not without my sandals and clearly I could not wear the sandals without pristine white socks with lace on the edge. Do you know what my mother did next? No, she did not bend me over her knee and spank me (though that would have been my guess). She picked me up and carried me across the street to the store. She purchased me another pair of pristine white socks with lace on the edges and put my sandals back on me where in a miracle happened and my ability to walk was once again restored. Can I get an A-Men?

See? The insanity is hereditary. Except she seems to favor mismatched socks. I blame her gay father for that. (Eyes rolling up in head.)

Moving on...


Today shortly after 1 pm I'll go win the cake contest at work. I know, I have an amazing amount of confidence. It's easy, I'm the only entrant. So, I win by default. They still want me to go through the motions and bring the cake to the store and all that - they just want my cake. It's okay, I'm used to that. I know you just want my cake also. Because I aim to please, heres what you are looking for... CAKE!

This was prettier in my head.
I spent too much time doing this cake. But it's pretty!

I did diagonal stripes just to change it up a bit. Worked, I got an order for a cake like it just an hour after I put it out.

There, you've had your cake. Have a sweet day.

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