Today I definitely am (and yes I was born on a Wednesday). This morning Dr. Grandma called to let me know the prognosis of Dusty. Not good. The tumor is a very aggressive and fast moving cancer, a heart murmur and some cardiac issues (probably from the cancer). The options were to do surgery to remove the tumor and let her live out her life or euthanize her now. Before deciding I was told that the vet felt they could remove the tumor easily but that they were not so hopeful about her chances of surviving anesthesia due to her advanced age and her heart issues. I told Dr. Grandma that I'd have to discuss this with K since this was his cat but more than likely we'd have Dusty euthanized as it seemed the most humane thing to do. K concurred that it was in the best interest for Dusty to not suffer.
So it's done. I gave the order to have our sweet little cat put to sleep. I know it's really the best thing to do yet I still feel incredible guilt and remorse. And I'm sad because I loved my cat.
Above is my favorite photo of Dusty in her ruffled purple collar. Taken 5 or so years ago. She loved that collar. Below is a photo I took of her this past December, she hated the Santa hat.
1995 - 2008
1995 - 2008
I'll miss you sweet cat.