DVD Guy Update

I figured that I should just post about this since it’s THE question to be asked lately. Everybody wants to know what’s up with that… or really what’s wrong with me and why can’t I just ask this guy out. The answer to all the questions is the same I AM A WORLD CLASS DORK!!! If you have EVER had a doubt, please doubt no more.

That’s it, that’s all it is. I am such a dork. I completely lost my conversation item when I returned the DVD’s and didn’t borrow more. NOW for some jacked up reason I can’t just call and ask to borrow more or for GAWD SAKES just ASK this man out to coffee and a blow job. Kidding, just kidding about that – I’d just ask about the coffee. So now… nothing. I have no clue what to do. I’ve had several suggestions from many many people, most involve me asking him out to coffee or something and me grabbing his crotch. Let me correct that, MOST suggest that I ask him out to coffee and ALL have suggested I grab his crotch. What’s up with that? Did I not tell you people earlier that I’m trying to be SUBTLE? And how exactly is my hand groping his cock subtle? I have to agree that it WOULD get the message that I’m interested conveyed to this man rather quickly, but it’s not SUBTLE. Not in the least. And I know NOT SUBTLE because that is exactly how I usually am.

So what’s my problem this time? I generally don’t have a problem telling a man that I find him attractive enough that I need to carry extra undies to change into when I know he’ll be around, but I can’t tell this guy I’d like to go out with him. I’ve lost my freaking mind, that’s all. I get close to telling him and then I just clam up. My palms get all sweaty and I start to babble about stupid shit (which really is not so different from a normal conversation with me, I think I just talk faster and look nervous this time). Then, then, this is the worst part, my fucking brain shuts off and I have nothing to say! And there’s an AKWARD silence that leads to me finally saying something inane and off track like asking about the weather for GAWD sakes or asking about his DAMN PET!!! HIS DAMN PET!!! How STOOPID can I get?? (don’t answer that, it’s just a rhetorical question) You have no idea how many times I’ve gotten thisclose to asking DVD Guy out (asking out or propositioning). I find this whole situation as unbelievable and ridiculous as many of you do. I’m not a shy person, I don’t have issues with approaching people, I have been known to discuss my preference for electronic sexual aids and have been known on more than one occasion to have a vibrator in my purse! Hell I’ve even taken a BOB for payment before.

So yeah, I’m a CHICKEN SHIT. Here’s my final move, here on the blog – DVD Guy, I’d like to know if it’s okay if I come over to borrow some DVD’s, we can have some coffee and I’ll grab your crotch. Don’t worry I’ll bring the party favors, I just got a box of 36 condoms and case of batteries, I’d like to run through at least of half of both before the weekend is up. So what do you say? And don’t worry if you don’t really like coffee, we can work around that.

Yes, that is LAME, YES that is just SUPER DORKY, YES I SUCK (did you read that DVD Guy?). Nope, he doesn’t read the blog, at least I don’t think he does. I’m just going to have to let this one go for now.