Mexican Food And Compliments
That's How To Make Me Feel Better (some days)

Today started out pretty crappy really - breaking up is hard to do (why do I suddenly have that stupid Neil Sedaka song running through my head???). I'll be working through my post break up emotions and all on this blog. Why would I choose the internet to do this? well a few reasons - 1) It's anonymous - hardly any of my friends read the bull shit I write on here, none of Michael's friends read this site, 2) I don't have to worry about crying in front of anyone since I'm in the privacy of my own home. I rarely ever cry in front of people, I was raised like that - right or wrong, it's just who I am, I didn't even cry at my mother's funeral (nor did my sister), outward signs of emotion other than anger or insincere happiness were not accepted in my family. Yeah, I know, fucked up. 3) I’m a broke dick, I can't afford counseling, antidepressants or enough alcohol to help. So, it's Internet Therapy! Woohoo! Now with that said, I want people to know I'm not going to be bad mouthing my ex. I don't do that, I never have... well except for my psycho boyfriend, and I don't mean the one that really was psycho and was medication (hey I felt bad for him and let him think that we were dating after the first date, that’s where I learned that pity dating is not only stupid it's bad for the person being pitied - eventually they find out and hate you for it... and that makes you an ass for doing it.) I mean the one who I broke up with and he called me a whore, then three weeks later he called to see if we could hook back up and all I could say was 'you called me a whore.' HE was a dumbass. But I digress, disclaimer is done, I'm ready for my 45 minutes Dr. Internet!

So last night I couldn't eat and this morning after my painfully brief amount of sleep all I could manage was coffee - which I spilled on the keyboard, fucking up my left caps lock key, making me have to resort to shifting with my right and that's fucking with my brain after 11 years of being a secretary. After the orthodontist appointment I decided to take the Little People to meet K for lunch even though I had no appetite. Though K had mentioned an Italian place this morning we ventured out to a Mexican place instead. I decided to get the special though I wasn't hungry - a little shaky though - I figured if nothing else K would have a nice lunch for tomorrow. Then something bizarre happened. The chips and hot sauce were put on the table, now I don't usually eat corn chips and hot sauce, don't like it much really. Today I did, I ate one and suddenly I was hungry. My head was swimming and I couldn't focus on anything K was saying to me, not even about the tasty looking mansicle sitting not far from us. My whole purpose was in eating the different colors of corn chips and all of the hot sauce. A similar thing happened when my cheese enchiladas arrived. I believe that I may have been licking my plate clean at the end, not sure though - I was in full food-gasm. And then I realized that 'fuck! I'm so freaking full!' and I was feeling okay, not great but okay. Now I do realize that I can not have Mexican food every day to medicate myself - my ass is large enough (but it's getting smaller!!!), but DAMN it was GOOD today. And then I noticed the tasty mansicle.

Later, after a brief but much needed nap (where in the Tiny Terrorists had to have their very lives threatened to lay the fuck down and take their naps - which they did not do, but did however remain quiet long enough for ME to nap so I didn't become a zombie). Shortly before we left to fetch K from the work place I was messaging a friend at work, she had to work late. As we were messaging I noticed an ex-boyfriend come on line. Next thing you know we were messaging. Now we haven't been out in over 3 years. He's very nice, but boring as all get out. He however has always been crazy about me. Our first date he BEGGED me for. He thought (and still thinks) I was so hot - he's insane I tell you. I think that's the only reason I went out with him - the flattery is very nice, now don't get me wrong - he's not an unattractive looking guy, he's very cute, I'm just not all that into him. A lot of dead space in the conversation. ummm.. Yeah... But we stayed friends and would talk from time to time, when he was in Dallas he'd unsuccessfully beg me to see him. But I digress again! He asks how I am, I say okay, then he asks about the boyfriend and I tell him that there is no boyfriend anymore. And then I almost fell out of my chair laughing at what he said next - GOOD. So I message my friend with what he said and type that he must be positioning himself to make a move. As I hit the send button he says something about how he might find himself in the DFW area for a day or two and would love to see me. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now mind you, I have NO intentions of seeing this guy again - not even if he was buying the extra-Grande Starbucks Frappuchino with extra whipped cream - but it did feel good to know that SOMEONE STILL wants me. Getting dumped for someone else has a way of leaving ones self esteem feeling bruised and crushed. Attention feels good. Almost makes me want to pose for some internet porn - I hear I can earn almost $90 a month doing that. ;o)

And now, just because I mentioned that idiotic song... I know you are all thinking of it... here are the lyrics:

Doo doo doo down doo be do down down
come on come on
down doo be do down down
breaking up is hard to do.

Don't take your love away from me

don't you leave my heart in misery.
If you go then I'll be blue
'cause breaking up is hard to do.

Remember you don't say goodbye.
Can't we give our love another try.
Come on babe let's start a new
'cause breaking up is hard to do.

They say that breaking up is hard to do.
Now I know I know that it's true
don't say that this is the end.
Instead of breaking up
I wish that we are making up again.

I beg of love away from me

don't you leave my heart in misery.
If you go then I'll be blue
'cause breaking up is hard to do.


Down doo be do down down, that's what I'm talking about, yeah!