Ditchin' A Bad Date

There have been times in my life I have wished I had something like this.

We've all had bad dates. Luckily it's been over a year since I've had a bad date I needed to escape from.

My most memorable bad date worthy of escape was a blind double date that I had been set up on by friends. This was back when I was either a senior in high school or just out of high school. I had gone with a friend to her boyfriends house, and while they were messing around on the bed, I was at his computer typing away to someone on some BBS. Turns out that it was my friends boyfriends best friend. We talked for a while until boyfriend's mom came to douse them with cold water (call them for dinner). A day or so later boyfriend gave his best friend my phone number. He called and we talked, we got along well and had a lot in common. We talked on the phone for a week or two - we even called each other on the commercials as we watched The Omen on TV one night. Now Kirby - that was friends boyfriend - would always be evasive when I asked what his friend looked like. I'm not all hung up on looks so it wasn't a huge deal since we got along well on the phone. My friend decided that it was TIME for THE BIG DATE and she set up for all four of us to go to a movie premier one Saturday afternoon. We meet up and I see this guy. The first thing I notice is that he has the BIGGEST NOSE I have EVER seen on a human being. I mean HUGE. Like I said, I'm not totally hung up on looks so it's not a big deal. What was a big deal was that within seconds of meeting me in person, Big Nose totally fucking ignores me! Seriously! We go to Wendy's for lunch, he says absolutly NOTHING to me as we ride in is lemon yellow Volvo. He did spring for my burger - woohoo, big spender. At the theater as we stand in line he turns his BACK to me! My friend was sooooo embarassed she kept whispering appologies to me. His appaling behavior just made me focus more on his freakishly large nose and I kept repeating in my head "Don't stare at his nose! Don't stare at his nose! What a dick, why isn't he talking to me? Fuck! that's a huge schnooz!" I was thankful for the movie so that I didn't have to see his BIG ASS NOSE any more or deal with the silent treatment. Sheesh what an ass... I wouldn't be surprised if he still lives at him with his mom and surfs porn in his basement room every night.

Another abysmal date was just about 3 years ago. He SEEMED like a nice guy. We met at one of my favorite places for dinner. The whole time he kept stareing at me and telling me how 'cuddly' I was. I ate quickly, he was creepy. After dinner he tries to stiff the waiter on dinner then acts like it was an accident. *eyes rolling up in head* He gets me to sit in his car so we can *talk* - my mistake. I spent the next half hour pushing his hands off me as he tried to touch me, kiss me, hug me between telling me how pretty I was and how cuddly I was. I finally told him I had to go. Then he asked for a blow job and exposed his pittifully small penis to me. Yeah, I was so gone.

Another looser spent the entire time watching the game at the sports bar and ignoring me. Even the bartender was giving me sympathy. I had enough and told him 'later', he insisted on walking me to my car at that point and had the nerve to ask for SEX! (actually he mumbled so I had to ask him to repeat himself) I said 'I don't think so.' and pushed him away when he tried to kiss me.

I suspect that bad dates are easy to come by, it's the good dates that are quite rare.