Falling Down On The Job

Many moments in my life have been puncuated by my pants/panties falling down. Let me illuminate you on this. My first memorable incident of gravity defying underpants happend when I was 6 years old. My sister, who is 2 years older and at that time in history was in fact a bigger kid than me, had some lovely panties that I coveted as much as a 6 year old can covet (which is a shit-load more than one would imagine and probably some kind of elementary major level sin). I decided to wear them one day despite the fact that they were large on me. At recess I decided to join my class mates on the playground and ran for the door like the rest of them. Lucky for me I had a desk toward the back of the class, as I reached the door to the blessed outside a large teachers hand held me back and a voice interupted my playground dreams with words about needing to go into the bathroom to fix my panties. I looked down and saw that my panties were at my ankles. My first inclination was to kick them off and run to claim a swing before all of them were taken, but at my teachers insistance I hiked up my drawers and headed to the bathroom where she kindly saftey pinned them and they stayed put the rest of the day. Looking back I could swear that she was snicker the whole time, hmmm... and in my 6 year old mind I just thought she had a cold.

That was the first, since then there have been more moments of my trusted undergarments deciding to vacate my ass without notice (and I'm not talking about all the drunken moments of panty loss). I just have untrustworthy undies. Most recently I lost some weight so my drawers are... well... a bit baggy. heh. A few weeks ago I went to the store in some well baggy shorts... that the zipper doesn't stay up well... (I know I need to buy some new ones, but hey I'm cheap!). I had to go to the store to get some milk, as I entered the store I had this odd feeling, kind of like my pants were EXTRA BIG and then it occured to me that my pants were atempting to reach the floor. I had to try to fasten my pants (the button came undone), zip them and pull them back UP (not necessairly in that order) while NOT looking like that's exactly what I was doing. See the store was full of people. I did manage to get my pants back up if only for the mortifying fear of them falling and EVERYONE seeing what hidious undies I had on (it was laundry day, so it was UGLY PANTY day).

Today I was reminded of these (and other) panty falling moments as I walked Super Girl to the bus stop. This cold morning a I walked to the bus stop with one child holding each hand, I noticed my undes inching down with every step. Futily I tried to keep them up by hiking them up every few steps but that became impossible as Cabbage Patch started whineing and trying to free herself from the death grip I had on her tiny wrist. Eventually I was just thankful for the pants I was wearing as the crotch of the pants was the only thing holding them up as they sagged down below my butt cheeks. I need to have a fund raiser for new undies. Maybe I'll add a paypal button for a panty fund.

And that's it... that's my story. I'm Judy and my underwear doesn't fit.

*No fears people, I did buy 4 pairs of new undies last week, so no need to cringe and wonder if my butt cheeks are exposed when we are together.