It's Not You, It's Me... Really

I'm ready for a change, just not sure how to make it happen. I've been depressed lately (I'm sure many people have noticed my extreme bitchiness) and feeling quite stressed. I don't like this at all, I don't like feeling like I'm not in control of my own life. It makes me all bitchy and whiney. Paranoid, I get paranoid about losing my friends (which I do feel as though some who mean a great deal to me have been pulling away) and losing my identity (who am I really?). I need to focus on myself and figure out what changes need to be made and how to make them happen.

Change isn't easy, it's scary as hell also. Yet it's what I want because the status quo just isn't doing it for me these days.

So, dear friends, please bear with me as I stand on what seems to be a great chasm and calculate my perfect moment to make a leap, hopefully I can make it to the otherside and not do a Wiley Coyote thing of splatting to the ground leaving a me shaped imprint. But even if that happens, it will be a change so it can't all be bad. Please refrain from criticizing or telling me what I 'need to do', I can call any number of people who are more than willing to tell me I'm stupid and how to make things 'better'. Support and encouragement are what I need, it's very tempting to go back to bed and pull the covers up over my head and just pretend things are fine. I need your patience also, I may call you just to hear a friendly voice that will make me smile, I might call you a lot, or not at all. Feel free to call me, I always enjoy hearing from you. But don't worry that I'm standing in my pantry counting out pills to 'end it all', that's not the kind of change I want, besides I have two beautiful children who need me.

Anyway, I'm trying to get my shit together so to speak, thanks to all my dear friends who have been there for me already and I thank everyone in advance for their support and help.

I'm done whineing now.