Saturday

Things that should have happened today:
Me being able to sleep in until at least 7:30 am
Have a nice leisurely breakfast
Had the Little People help clean
Enjoy a nice walk around the lake before heading back to my nicely cleaned home
Get ready for my friends to come over and play games

What really happened:
I was rudely awakend by Chaos of Chaos & Destruction at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am. Now mind you that I normally get up at 6:30 am, every freaking day. That's when my alarm is set to go off. Since I have no babysitter and K is at some gay fetish convention I am unable to go to work. I fully intended to sleep well past when my alarm usually wakes me. The Little People usually get up somewhere between 7 and 8 am on the weekends, so I see them briefly before I head off to work. Today, no such luck. I told Chaos to get into bed with me that it was WAY to early to be up and I WASN'T making waffles at this godforsaken time, now go back to sleep. She did get into bed with me and every time I drifted off to sleep she started fidgeting so I'd wake and tell her to stop it. Not that it mattered by 7 am Destruction had burst through my door announcing that she 'had a bad dream' (she does this all the time, it means nothing unless it's in the middle of the night when she's standing outside my door sobbing). With a great sigh I hauled myself out of bed and told the Tiny Terrorist to go into the living room. In the short span it took me to relieve my full bladder the Tiny Terrorist have gotten the syrup and have opened it - luckily there has been no mess made yet. This amuses me not at all and I yell at the evil offspring of mine to GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! A flury of excuses and blame is flung in my direction as I glare menacingly at the Tiny Terrorists and repeat my demands again through clenched teeth. I put the syrup away and sit at the computer to read the news and cool the fuck off (see just last night the Tiny Terrorist got into trouble for getting into the kitchen to sneak the eclaires instead of waiting for me to serve them for desert). Hostage negotiations started at that point, with much whineing and crying (hey, can you blame me? I hadn't even had coffee yet!). A time out was issued and a threat of not having waffles but instead cold cereal was issued. I eventually came to the conclusion that I wanted my BIG breakfast of waffles, eggs and sausage so we would have it. Somehow we made it through breafast preparation with very little disruption.

Now is the time to try to cajole them into cleaning... And let me tell you it's working so fucking well (sarcasm), I totally enjoy telling them to pick up the same thing 15 to 20 times before it actually moves from it's spot. I have NEVER WANTED TO GO TO WORK AS MUCH AS I DO TODAY!!! Why, oh why did I not put valium in their waffles?????

Just an odd thing that occured to me... people often tell me that I speak too softly and I'm often asked to repeat myself. Except when I'm speaking to my children, my darling progeny don't respond to anything other than LOUD... well honestly THEY are so loud it's the ONLY way they hear me.

(now all you perfect parents of perfect children *eyes rolling up in head* who never yell at your kids, don't leave me comments on what I should do and how I should NOT yell at my kids, fuck you, my kids are probably much better behaved than your demonic offspring, at least I admit my kids aren't perfect.)