Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Culture Of Cruelty
Why Do Females Tear Each Other Down

What an odd morning I had. I forgot to turn my alarm back on so I woke at 7:15 am and ran round waking everyone up because we were now all running 45 minutes late! Some how everyone got out the door on time.

Before I sprinted out the door with the Tiny Terrorist I did check one piece of my e-mail and we delighted by an e-mail from someone who’s only purpose was to tell me that he thought I was ‘breathtaking’. This of course left me all smiles and happy as I walked the offspring to the bus stop.

All of the usual suspects were already assembled at the bus stop when we arrived and both progeny went to talk with groups of girls close in their ages. I stood to the side and watched as I always do. I noticed some commotion in the group that Cabbage Patch was with and that Cabbage Patch was getting upset then she came over to me and said “Mamma those girls were talking about my clothes!” She was upset and I was irritated that the girls would be making fun of her at such a young age. She’s 5! And her clothes are brand new (and very cute)! So I did the good mother thing and told her “Those girls are just jealous of you and your cute outfit. Tell them to be quiet.” What I really wanted to tell her was “Look that girl in the eye and tell that girl she’s just a jealous bitch and to eat shit.” I really wanted to go grab the ring leader and spank her for being so mean.

Then I looked around at the other kids. All the girls were congregated in the same general area and the boys were dispersed in a few areas, most of them playing a spirited game of catch with a foot ball. The ones who were just standing around taking were directly in front of me so I could hear their conversation and NONE of the conversation revolved around how anyone looked. I didn’t need to hear the girls conversations to know what they were saying. I saw them whispering and cutting their eyes at another girl who wasn’t ‘in’ their group, then saw them whisper more. Most of the groups of girls were doing this at one time or another. Usually the younger girls (5-6) raced each other while the older girls sat and looked on and snickered in their little groups at the ‘outcast’ of the day. Today the younger ones decided to follow suit of the older meaner girls.

I suddenly hated the girls and not just the mean ones I witness on a daily basis being snarky and petty, but all girls and women in general. This horrible mean pattern of behavior gets repeated over and over as we females grow up. A lucky woman is IN the right group and can be the one making the shitty comments and cutting down those unlucky enough to be a little different or not friends with the right person or whatever. It sounds so juvenile that only school aged girls would do it, but sadly I know WAY too many women who do the same damn thing even though they have moved far beyond the school yards and cafeteria clicks. Sadly when we are adults we tend to pick at those we know and are ‘friends’ with. We women are a jealous, insecure lot and don’t like one person getting more attention than the rest of us or feeling superior in some way to the rest. So behind that person’s back we’ll make comments “Gawd, did you see her hair? That color looks HORRIBLE on her! Could that skirt get any shorter? That shirt is sooo tight – she looks like she might explode out of it!, etc. etc.” Or better yet, we’ll make them to our ‘friends’ face “That skirt is AWFULLY short don’t you think. Nice shirt, looks a little.. um tight though. Etc, etc, etc.”

As women we are some of the snarkiest and bitchiest people around! Now my question is WHY? Why do we as women spend so much energy tearing each other down and WHY aren’t we teaching our daughters to build each other up? And no I don’t think men are completely innocent in all of this, just that women/girls seem to spend a lot more time at it than men do. *sigh* Being female is a bitch a lot of the time.

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