Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Am For You Loving At First Seeing

Just a short while ago I received these two e-mails within moments of each other.

Hello Sweetie, i was searching for my heart angel and my soulmate when i saw your ravishing look and wonderful smile on your photo,which really swept me off my feet and i was so impressed,that made me drop you this few words of mine,.i would love to know you more better than i have already read of you from your profile,and also would love to have a some chat with you on yahoo instant messanger(terrymor_001@yahoo.com) pls try and add me so that we can talk things out more better.., because i ve never been so certain of a woman b4 and i want yoiu to know I got this feelings that you are exactly all i am looking for in a woman and just cant wait to read a reply of this note fromyou. Pls Kindly get back to me........ am onlline for you now

Terry M

Hello Sweetie,
I was searching for my heart angel when i came accross you loving smile and wonderful looks, Then i went ahead to read through your profile where i love all its says about you and i was swept off my feet for your personalities too, pls i would love to chat and get to know you more, so feel free and get intouch with me on yahoo instant messanger mickpaul2@yahoo.com online right now.
Waiting to read uand to hear from you my angel.


Apparently I’m extremely irresistible to these men and from my vague and incomplete profile they can surmise that I am their ‘heart angel’. Both are waiting for me to chat with them so they can get to know me ‘more better’ as I am ‘exactly all’ they are looking for in a woman. I’m flattered and touched that two men of model good looks would be so swept off their feet just by looking at my photo and reading my profile. Sadly for both of them I’m extremely turned off by stupid men and their bad grammar, spelling and grasp of the English language has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed stupid and more than likely hoping that I too am stupid and lack good judgment… especially in the financial area.

I have just a few things to say to these poor love sick individuals. 1) Never trust an online photo to be an accurate portrait of that person. As all of my friends and family know, I spend literally HOURS in front of the computer photo shopping all of my photos to get rid of 175 lbs (give or take 50 lbs depending on my water retention that day), my full beard (religion demands I don’t shave it, society demands that I photo shop it out to get laid), my 16 facial moles and warts of varying size and shape (my favorite is the one that looks like Mickey Mouse – but I always save showing that until my second date), and third eye (I only hide that in photos, on an actual date most men are to horrified by the other items to even notice the eye) and of course to painstakingly photo shop IN actual female looking features (the doctor says the hormone injections will help with that eventually), eyes of the same general size and shape that are pointing the same direction and a complete head of hair (I generally wear a ball cap on a first date to cover the patchy bald spots). 2) Never, ever trust an online romance that STARTS with an e-mail proclaiming their undying love. I learned this the hard way, after 3 costly divorces from men who though they said they lived in the USA were for some reason actually living in Africa, Yugoslavia and a snow cave in the Antarctic. 3) NEVER EVER expect your internet lover to ACTUALLY be the millionaire they say they are. Again, my own bad experiences here, I really should have known they might be poor men when they kept asking me to wire them money until their vast fortune was no long tied up in legal battles due to the current civil war in their village. If only I had googled them or their villages! But what can be done now? Live and learn, live and learn. Always run credit reports prior to marriage by proxy!

And that’s about the extent of my advice for them. Right now I must get back to my mass e-mail project in hopes of finding someone to help me out with that Nigerian banking issue.

Practice safe internet!

No comments: