Saturday, September 01, 2007

Oh Noes! My Orgasms Be Borked!

New Bob does not work. And that my friends is deeply disappointing. Not as disappointing as say having the batteries die in the middle of an *ahem* ‘workout’, but still very disappointing. I told K about my non working new Bob and we had this conversation:

ME: …I have a not working BOB
HIM: You've got other Bob's.
ME: and no Bruce Willis in the forseeable future
ME: but this was NEW BOB
ME: the one that if it was good enough would be called Bruce Willis
ME: on occasion.

He’s lacking sympathy. He’s in Austin with the offspring (spur of the moment trip with a friend) and I’m here. Doing what you may ask? CLEANING. And not masturbating. How sad is that???

But I digress.

So Close To A Near Death Experience

In other news I nearly DIED today. Easy Bake Oven tried to KILL me today. And I know not why! I love that car! And her lack of air conditioning and all her beauty marks and her crackly speakers. I love driving her – not in stop and go traffic that is, just on the high way. Oh, wait almost forgot to tell you about my NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE… well okay, I exaggerate just a tad… how about an ALMOST NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE or maybe even a NEAR PANTS WETTING EXPERIENCE. That it most defiantly was, I did nearly piddle on my cow print seat cover. So here I was getting on the high way after a LOVELY trip to Wally World to deal with the idiot WalMartians to get my contacts (what FUN!) and I was at the end of the on ramp when I shift from third to fourth and guess what? Easy Bake will have none of that – she refuses to shift into fourth! Or back to third… or even second and defiantly not first…. Nothing. I have the clutch shoved all the way in (the seat was all the way forward so I could actually be doing that) and nothing doing. I slapped on the hazards and coasted into the break down lane as traffic whizzed past me and I had a mini anxiety attack while asking the maker above why he would let me die one exit from home. I did the only semi logical thing to do – I put that bitch in park and stomped on the clutch then tried every gear. When I got to reverse it clunked into gear so I tried first again and lo and behold it went into gear. So to make a pointless story short, Easy Bake decided to work for me and I managed to get back home where I vowed to not drive her and maybe get on some anxiety medicine.

Okay, I must get back to CLEANING.

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