Oh Noes! My Orgasms Be Borked!

New Bob does not work. And that my friends is deeply disappointing. Not as disappointing as say having the batteries die in the middle of an *ahem* ‘workout’, but still very disappointing. I told K about my non working new Bob and we had this conversation:

ME: …I have a not working BOB
HIM: You've got other Bob's.
ME: and no Bruce Willis in the forseeable future
ME: but this was NEW BOB
ME: the one that if it was good enough would be called Bruce Willis
ME: on occasion.

He’s lacking sympathy. He’s in Austin with the offspring (spur of the moment trip with a friend) and I’m here. Doing what you may ask? CLEANING. And not masturbating. How sad is that???

But I digress.

So Close To A Near Death Experience

In other news I nearly DIED today. Easy Bake Oven tried to KILL me today. And I know not why! I love that car! And her lack of air conditioning and all her beauty marks and her crackly speakers. I love driving her – not in stop and go traffic that is, just on the high way. Oh, wait almost forgot to tell you about my NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE… well okay, I exaggerate just a tad… how about an ALMOST NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE or maybe even a NEAR PANTS WETTING EXPERIENCE. That it most defiantly was, I did nearly piddle on my cow print seat cover. So here I was getting on the high way after a LOVELY trip to Wally World to deal with the idiot WalMartians to get my contacts (what FUN!) and I was at the end of the on ramp when I shift from third to fourth and guess what? Easy Bake will have none of that – she refuses to shift into fourth! Or back to third… or even second and defiantly not first…. Nothing. I have the clutch shoved all the way in (the seat was all the way forward so I could actually be doing that) and nothing doing. I slapped on the hazards and coasted into the break down lane as traffic whizzed past me and I had a mini anxiety attack while asking the maker above why he would let me die one exit from home. I did the only semi logical thing to do – I put that bitch in park and stomped on the clutch then tried every gear. When I got to reverse it clunked into gear so I tried first again and lo and behold it went into gear. So to make a pointless story short, Easy Bake decided to work for me and I managed to get back home where I vowed to not drive her and maybe get on some anxiety medicine.

Okay, I must get back to CLEANING.