Good Friends Can Call Each Other Fuckers

The best conversation today:

Him: I was just calling to say sorry that I hadn't called earlier to let you know we can't make it to the party tonight.
Me: That's okay, your wife already called and covered your ass. But now you owe me a beer you fucker!
Him: *laughing*
Me: I didn't say that to your wife. I didn't call her a fucker.
Him: *laughing* *laughing* That's good!
Me: But it would have been funny to hear her drop the phone.

Yeah I'm wrong in the head. Yes he owes me a drink. Yes he is a fucker - in fact I instructed him to hit it with his wife right now and get her pregnant with #2 before his 3 year old turns totally evil and makes them reconsider having another one. Which lead to:

Him: Well I can't right now, I've got to work.
Me: Oh come on! On your lunch break. Three minutes.
Him: *laughs* Yeah that's for me, not her.
Me: So call her and tell her to be ready when you get there.
Him: Believe me if it was that easy I'd be on my cell phone every day on the way home.
Me: It would for me! I'd be slapping a tape in the VCR every day when he got home. 'Here kids, watch this, mommy will be RIGHT BACK! Have a popsicle."
Me: But yeah, I got a gay husband. That's not happening. It's a big cosmic joke on me isn't it?
Him: Yes it is. *laughing*

And people wonder why I'm shareing a bed with BOB and no one esle. Well I need to go make a voodoo doll of him, fucker... and I only mean that in the most loving of ways.