This Is A Good Place For A Stick Up!

Yeah, that smell? That’s my life right now. Shity. I know it’ll get better, I know it will. I just am not enjoying coasting down shit creek with out a paddle at this moment. The smell is getting tiresome. And I know all my 3 loyal readers are quite tired of my bitch ass whining. I personally don’t blame you – I’m tired of it also! Somebody slap me already!

So I’m going to whine a bit about things, be very vague about the specifics as to protect the idiots (that would be me mainly) and then move on to some of the funny shit from the weekend.

Today we (K and I) had one of those “Gawd-damn it! Life just kicked me in the balls!” moments right off. Yeah wonderful. This on top of my horrendously expensive ticket a couple weeks back that I received compliments of Ft. Worth’s finest and our recent discovery that the IRS has generously delayed our much needed tax refund an extra 7 to 10 days (who wants to bet it will be 10 at the very least). So yeah, um.. Great, thanks Government! Is this your way of getting me back for contributing to the Democratic Party?? It was only $5! Come on! Give me a break!

Then of course there is the boy I’m interested in who’s not so interested in me, which is fine yet somewhat depressing. I haven’t really been interested in someone for more than just sex in a while so it is disappointing and harkens back to the traumatic days of high school and all the moments of unrequited affection. Good lord, aren’t I just a tad too old for this shit??? It’s cool it’s fine, he’s a great guy and being friends is good. I going to stop stalking him now, just let it go and remove all the hidden cameras from his home and disconnect the tracking device from his car. Friends, yeah just friends. No more stalking, I promise. Though I will still keep the boy in my rotation of men I fantasize about while abusing Bob. Come on; don’t look at me like that! Good masturbatory material that you don’t have to pay for is hard to come by! Besides, isn’t that really a compliment?

Oh yeah and I’ve got a migraine that is finally starting to ease up after a handful of pills, a cup of coffee and a hot shower. Which is good because I was starting to think I was about to give birth to an alien baby through my left sinus cavity. Whew, glad it was just false labor.

AND I have a zit on my nose. Yes, right on the end of my fucking nose. It’s lovely and super sexy let me tell you. Definitely something to contemplate while engaged in self love.

Okay… enough whine for now!

Shit from the weekend that made me laugh…

Texann (not her REAL name) and I were discussing a certain person’s boyfriend and how he’s the pickiest vegetarian known to man and how he pretty much only eats beans, rice, peanut butter and cheese. Texann decided that he should be called The Refugee since he eats like a refugee. As she put it “Isn’t that what we feed to the refugees? Rice and beans?”

Some guy offered Texann $10 to grab another guy’s ass and she did it. He didn’t pay up though. She said she almost told the cute guy who offered her the $10 that he’d have to let her grab his ass as payment since he didn’t give her the $10. She should have.

The Sexy Witch and I were being complete dorks and thought it would be funny if we used ‘offended’ for aroused and vice versa. It was quite funny at the time, but I’m sure it sounds like we were being primo ‘tards now. Yeah, we were, but what the fuck.
The Sexy Witch, Texann and I decided that the perfect Single Girl (as in no man in the picture) Valentine’s bouquet would be roses with a pack of batteries with a note signed ‘Love Bob’.

The creepy homeless guy who was hitting Texann and me up for money as we arrived at Ben’s. His only saving grace was that he started out the conversation by telling us how BEAUTIFUL we were.

Okay that’s all for now, I can’t fucking remember anything else for now.