House of Horrors!!!

In keeping with the spirit of Halloween I've decided to have a House Of Horrors for my kids. Right here in my own home. I think I'll take the kids through it today even, I'll have activities for the kids - things that will make them scream and moan and just plain scare the crap out of them.

First I'll take them to the Laundry Room Of Terror! Where they will be face to face with a terrifying mountain of dirty laundry! They can battle with the ferocious Washing Machine Of Peril by throwing handfulls of dirty laundry into it's caverous mouth. Then they will face the Sock Devouring Dryer! Where in they will reach into it's dreadful mouth and remove the heated and imprisoned clothing. We'll end this room with some blood curdling laundry folding and the never ending horrific task of trying to find the matching sock.

The next room will be the Kitchen of Consternation!! The first place to visit is the Refrigerator Of No Return. For our protection we will be armed with disinfectant cleaner and sponges as we open the door to bravely face Bottom Shelf Fungus from The Depths Of HELL! After a few moments of ewwwing and ohhhing at the unidentifiable containers of long forgotten and untouched leftovers, we will have a disconcerting discussion with cheese so old it has grandchildren. From the there we will get upclose and personal with the Hidious Spots On The Floor! Armed with only a mop and bucket and with iminent peril at hand we will free our self from the tar-pit quality of the floor and vanquish the jelly splobs and other sticky spots.

On to the Living Room Living Dead! Here we will be met with Sofa Zombies as we lift the cushions and reveil the Grave Yard Of Half Eaten Snacks and Loose Change (and dice)! The screams! The fear! Luckily we will be armed with a vacuum cleaner so I'm not worried about my offspring being drug off to the land of the undead. When the sofa has been vanquished we will move on to more frightening places.

Up the stairs we will go. Before we can even make it to another room we will have to put down our protective stacks of neatly folded clean laundry and take on The Cat Box Of Dread! That's scary enough, I don't think I'll go into detail on that one.

Now to the second scariest room in the house - a place frightening enough to make anyone's teeth chatter at the mere thought of entering - The Bathroom Of Horror! First we will face the dreaded Toilet Of Termoil! They'll fight off the evil toilet with a toilet brush. Next to face Scary Soap Scum coating the bath tub! Ewwww! With rags and cleanser we will face down our fearsome opponent and make the tub sparkle. Before we leave we will have to handle the Terrifying Toothpaste Encrusted Sink! Aaaaaaahhhh!!! Noooooooo! Again thankfully we will have rags and cleanser to keep us safe and vanquish our evil foe.

The final and most frightening place in this home. You may not want to read any further if you have a nervous conditon or frighten eaisly. We'll go into THE KIDS ROOM! EEEKKK!!!! Those with a strong constitution will now face a room strewn with malevolent toys and evil dolls and dangerous blocks, haphazardly strewn with clothing, both clean and dirty. The dead eyes of stuffed animals will stare at us as though saying "Why? Why? Why have you let this happen to us?". Angry Albino Sock Monkies will glare at us from their beds mockingly saying "Enter if you dare!!" At this point I will shove the Little People forward with their protective armloads of neatly folded laundry and admonish them to PUT THEM AWAY NOW OR ELSE! as I flee in mortal terror.

It's all so damn frightening.