I Keep Telling Myself My ‘Happy Place’ Should NOT Be A Place To Hide Bodies…
First, I’ll start this out with some HAPPY THOUGHTS! HAPPY! HAPPY, I SAY!
My darling offspring are HOME! I missed them terribly. They had a most incredible time and have a butt load of Disney crap (i.e. memorabilia) now.
Another happy thought… I still love my job.
However, that brings us to what is making my blood boil. Go grab yourself some coffee or a coke, this might get long and drawn out. It’s fine, I’ll wait…. Done? Okay.
Nothing bothers me more than intolerance and hypocrisy. Well stupidity bothers me also, but I won’t hate someone JUST because they are stupid. Last week and the early part of this week I worked on a daycare arrangement with a local woman. She agreed to watch my offspring while I worked in exchange for me sewing some clothing for her offspring. We exchanged several e-mails and then had a long telephone discussion where in we set up a time to have my progeny meet hers (yesterday evening). We both thought this was a great arrangement. In the e-mails and during the phone conversation I stated “if at any time you decide this arrangement won’t work for you anymore, just give me advance notice so I can find alternate care for my kids.” Again, everything was agreeable.
Yesterday we stopped by her house after K got home. I figured we’d make it a quick trip as I knew she had VBS that night (as she had told me and her Church of Christ VBS lawn sign reminded me in it’s big purple writing). All kids got along great and she and her husband seemed fairly sane and nice. I measured her kids and she said how much she was looking forward to matching shorts/skirts for her girls and that she was looking forward to watching my kids. End of visit.
Fast forward to today at 1 pm when K went to pick up the kids. Miss Kerri told K that she could not watch the offspring anymore because he’s gay. She added something about now feeling like the arrangement is unfair as she could get ‘a lot of clothes from a thrift store for $25’. (Yeah whatever, I know she was just trying to make it seem a little less homophobic by saying that.)
*Pause for cooling down*
Okay, I wrote that on Thursday. I had to step away for a while because my blood was boiling I was so angry and indignant about such bigotry and general indecency. By Thursday night I was beyond being pissed and had moved to feeling a deep sense of pity for that woman. Friday morning before I headed off to work (thankfully K’s job is very understanding and he was able to take that morning off), I wrote the following e-mail to Miss Kerri:
Dear Ms. Valentine;
I was shocked and appalled by your behavior yesterday. Today however I just pity you.
First, how very unprofessional of you to break our verbal contract in such an abrupt manner. In one of my e-mails to you I stated “…give me a little lead time if you decide the arrangement isn't going to work for you anymore” which you did not do. When we spoke on the phone you stated that the terms of our agreement were satisfactory to you and very agreeable. I didn’t hear about you deciding not to watch my children anymore until Kent brought them home to me after 1 pm. That is unacceptable and entirely unprofessional.
Secondly, your reasoning for not watching my children due to their father being gay is perfect example of someone hiding their prejudice, bigotry and hatemongering behind their religion. It’s sad that in this day and age that people such as yourself can be so narrow minded and hateful and still consider themselves ‘good Christians’ because they can ‘justify’ their hate with the Bible. What ever happened to ‘love they neighbor’ and that old saying ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin.’ You are a shining example of typical Christian Conditional Love. I pray that you learn the real meaning of compassion, love and understanding some day, until then, you have my pity.
Thirdly, I honestly do not believe that the trade arrangement has anything to do with your decision not to watch my children; I believe it was just a lame attempt to make yourself appear less of a bigot. Sorry, didn’t work, you still look like what you truly are – a hateful bigot.
I apologize for this being in e-mail form but I was certain that I would have difficulty keeping a civil tone with you, as I abhor any type of prejudice, bigotry and intolerance.
Please do not try to reply as I have blocked your e-mail address and your phone number. I think I’ve heard enough from you. Again, I feel a great sense of pity and sadness for you and your family, ignorance is a horrible legacy to pass down.
Regards;
Judy
So, it’s all good. I’m still looking for daycare so I can continue to work my most fabulous job, but at least I’m not looking for someone to loan me a shovel and hold the flashlight for me in the middle of the night.
More on OTHER things soon… and YES the MORE and OTHER will be FUNNY (at least to me) as I’m done being indignant and morally superior ;) (for the moment).
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
RIP Hanta Virus
Today much to my shock, I discovered that my beloved gerbil, Hanta Virus (Hanta for short) was dead. Nothing horrible or gruesome, just laying out in the middle of the cage dead. I’m very sad about all this even though I’ve spent the last year reminding my offspring that my gerbils are old and could die at any time (Bubonic Plague AKA Bea is right at 4 years old and Hanta was about 3 months younger than her) because they only live 3-4 years. In the past month both gerbils had gotten thinner and seemed slower. I always figured it would be Bea to die first since she is the oldest.
K will bury her near where he buried Spike.
I feel a tad silly about being so sad about the demise of my rodent – though I did love her as much as I love all of my pets.
Attached is a photo of both gerbils, Hanta is the black one.
Today much to my shock, I discovered that my beloved gerbil, Hanta Virus (Hanta for short) was dead. Nothing horrible or gruesome, just laying out in the middle of the cage dead. I’m very sad about all this even though I’ve spent the last year reminding my offspring that my gerbils are old and could die at any time (Bubonic Plague AKA Bea is right at 4 years old and Hanta was about 3 months younger than her) because they only live 3-4 years. In the past month both gerbils had gotten thinner and seemed slower. I always figured it would be Bea to die first since she is the oldest.
K will bury her near where he buried Spike.
I feel a tad silly about being so sad about the demise of my rodent – though I did love her as much as I love all of my pets.
Attached is a photo of both gerbils, Hanta is the black one.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Proof Of Alien Life!
Yes, I have proof of alien life! At least I HAD proof. Currently that proof is out by the trash dumpster since I decided to evict all non-food items from my fridge this afternoon. And let me tell you – EWWWWW! This is one of those times I wish my offspring were here instead of having the time of their tiny little lives at the Land of Mouse because I totally would have made them clean out the fridge. Oh stop looking at me like that; you know your parental units used to make you do horrible chores too. That is part of the fun of being a parent, bossing around the progeny. It builds character (that is another part of the fun of being a parent, saying stupid things like that).
Blind Blogging
Any time a conversation that starts with, “I saw what you blogged about me”, I get a sudden feeling of panic in my stomach and then I try to remember if I called that person an ASS HAT. Generally the answer is no, but I still have to wonder because I HAVE called people ASS HATS in the name of describing really BAD DATES. Luckily, I hadn’t and the conversation lead to dinner out for sushi without the sushi because the sushi restaurant well known for their sushi does not serve sushi on Sunday. Hmmm… go figure.
Summer Break Down
The offspring return home in about a week. Then I will be faced with the FUN and excitement of finding childcare so I can work. Woohoo! Every time I think of this, I wish Prozac came in packaging like M&M’s, I definitely would be eating all the green ones out of that bag. I had considered putting both offspring in summer school but that seems like maybe it won’t work out so well despite them both needing it due to summer school starting TOMORROW and only going to July 3. Yes, yes I did say that both progeny need summer school as they have both failed. Oh, hold on a sec, someone at the door…. I’m back now, it was just my bloated sense of guilt and failure as a parent needing to come inside and oppress me for the evening. Ah but back to the other issue causing me mental distress, daycare. Oh you know, just screw it, I feel an anxiety attack coming on just from thinking about this.
Rain = Mosquitoes
The fabulous rains have made for a wonderful population of MOSQUITOES! EW. The other day as I walked to work, I ran smack into a cloud of what I thought was just tiny gnats but was surprised (rather rudely) that they were in fact blood-sucking mosquitoes. So disgusting! I must have looked like a total ‘tard as I swatted at them while walking. Tomorrow I’ll make sure to coat myself in a nice layer of OFF! Before heading out.
The Frosting On Top
Work is still going great. Last week the cake decorator who has been training me told our supervisor that I am completely trained and ready to decorate by myself! Woohoo! Now I’m learning about the rest of the bakery, which is not as fun as decorating but it is a lot less painful for my wrist. My goal is to get really good at decorating and then go to a bakery that will pay me more.
And that’s about it for now. I have to go finish getting ready for my date tonight. So… what goes well with camo? Heels or flats?
Yes, I have proof of alien life! At least I HAD proof. Currently that proof is out by the trash dumpster since I decided to evict all non-food items from my fridge this afternoon. And let me tell you – EWWWWW! This is one of those times I wish my offspring were here instead of having the time of their tiny little lives at the Land of Mouse because I totally would have made them clean out the fridge. Oh stop looking at me like that; you know your parental units used to make you do horrible chores too. That is part of the fun of being a parent, bossing around the progeny. It builds character (that is another part of the fun of being a parent, saying stupid things like that).
Blind Blogging
Any time a conversation that starts with, “I saw what you blogged about me”, I get a sudden feeling of panic in my stomach and then I try to remember if I called that person an ASS HAT. Generally the answer is no, but I still have to wonder because I HAVE called people ASS HATS in the name of describing really BAD DATES. Luckily, I hadn’t and the conversation lead to dinner out for sushi without the sushi because the sushi restaurant well known for their sushi does not serve sushi on Sunday. Hmmm… go figure.
Summer Break Down
The offspring return home in about a week. Then I will be faced with the FUN and excitement of finding childcare so I can work. Woohoo! Every time I think of this, I wish Prozac came in packaging like M&M’s, I definitely would be eating all the green ones out of that bag. I had considered putting both offspring in summer school but that seems like maybe it won’t work out so well despite them both needing it due to summer school starting TOMORROW and only going to July 3. Yes, yes I did say that both progeny need summer school as they have both failed. Oh, hold on a sec, someone at the door…. I’m back now, it was just my bloated sense of guilt and failure as a parent needing to come inside and oppress me for the evening. Ah but back to the other issue causing me mental distress, daycare. Oh you know, just screw it, I feel an anxiety attack coming on just from thinking about this.
Rain = Mosquitoes
The fabulous rains have made for a wonderful population of MOSQUITOES! EW. The other day as I walked to work, I ran smack into a cloud of what I thought was just tiny gnats but was surprised (rather rudely) that they were in fact blood-sucking mosquitoes. So disgusting! I must have looked like a total ‘tard as I swatted at them while walking. Tomorrow I’ll make sure to coat myself in a nice layer of OFF! Before heading out.
The Frosting On Top
Work is still going great. Last week the cake decorator who has been training me told our supervisor that I am completely trained and ready to decorate by myself! Woohoo! Now I’m learning about the rest of the bakery, which is not as fun as decorating but it is a lot less painful for my wrist. My goal is to get really good at decorating and then go to a bakery that will pay me more.
And that’s about it for now. I have to go finish getting ready for my date tonight. So… what goes well with camo? Heels or flats?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Cupcake Update
Yes I still LOVE my job. I’m actually decorating cakes all by myself. It’s fabulous. I now smell like butter cream frosting all the time. And best of all – It’s soooo much fun! I put cute little gold fish on a cake yesterday and big funky 70’s flowers on another. I’m always scoping out the cakes at other stores to see what I can copy.
Another great thing about this job is the people I work with. My supervisor is very sweet and the other cake decorator is just a breath of fresh air. The other ladies in the bakery are really sweet also. It’s odd to suddenly be the youngest person working in my department.
Terror Update!
The Tiny Terrorists are on their scheduled invasion of the World of Mouse. Yesterday was an anxious one for me as this is the first time my offspring will be so far from me for such a long period of time. AND it was their first airplane ride. Luckily for me their Tiny Terrorist status didn’t hold them up from boarding the airplane. Just after 7 am I got a phone call from both progeny letting me know they were on the airplane. It was incredibly cute and put my anxieties into high gear and on a time table. I spent the rest of the day looking at the clock thinking about when they would arrive in Florida and waiting for the “We’ve arrived!” phone call. This made everything FUN, FUN, FUN as I was totally off my game and screwed up labeling a bunch of cakes and had to re-do all that.
Last night’s check in was barely coherent due to their overwhelming exuberance. All I could comprehend was “Princess, rides, fireworks, mouse”. So all in all it sounds like a good trip!
As for me, I’ll be spending this time minus progeny either working, cleaning or working out child care for when they return. Cue anxiety attack!
Other Crap…
The only drawback to the new job is that it’s causing the carpal tunnel in my right wrist to act up. Due to that, I probably won’t be on the computer much in the near future until I get used to the job – thank goodness I have cable to waste time with. ;)
Speaking of cable and my obsessive possessiveness of the remote. I lost the remote yesterday! Damn it. I can’t even blame it on the offspring or K as I was home with the pets when the remote went missing. The worst part is that I now have to admit that I to am irresponsible with the remote and I have to climb down off my holier-than-though-high-horse. I am FLAWED! Feet of clay be damned! I think I need to invest in a chain to attach the remote to the television, kind of like the pen chains they have at banks.
And Now Something To Induce Vomiting!
I’m going to talk about sickeningly sweet things my kids have said. You may want to stop reading if you are diabetic or have a weak stomach.
Last week I was looking at pictures of cats and dogs on the internet with Cabbage Patch (she loves StuffOnMyCat.com), when she sees a photo of a Shar-Pei and says “Awww I like the ruffle dog!”
Seems my oldest offspring, Super Girl, who had no problem telling the therapist that she likes her daddy more than me, was rather anxious about her trip to the Mouse Kingdome and began crying yesterday morning before boarding the airplane wanting to know if mommy could go with them and couldn’t they wait for her (me). Awwww!
Yes I still LOVE my job. I’m actually decorating cakes all by myself. It’s fabulous. I now smell like butter cream frosting all the time. And best of all – It’s soooo much fun! I put cute little gold fish on a cake yesterday and big funky 70’s flowers on another. I’m always scoping out the cakes at other stores to see what I can copy.
Another great thing about this job is the people I work with. My supervisor is very sweet and the other cake decorator is just a breath of fresh air. The other ladies in the bakery are really sweet also. It’s odd to suddenly be the youngest person working in my department.
Terror Update!
The Tiny Terrorists are on their scheduled invasion of the World of Mouse. Yesterday was an anxious one for me as this is the first time my offspring will be so far from me for such a long period of time. AND it was their first airplane ride. Luckily for me their Tiny Terrorist status didn’t hold them up from boarding the airplane. Just after 7 am I got a phone call from both progeny letting me know they were on the airplane. It was incredibly cute and put my anxieties into high gear and on a time table. I spent the rest of the day looking at the clock thinking about when they would arrive in Florida and waiting for the “We’ve arrived!” phone call. This made everything FUN, FUN, FUN as I was totally off my game and screwed up labeling a bunch of cakes and had to re-do all that.
Last night’s check in was barely coherent due to their overwhelming exuberance. All I could comprehend was “Princess, rides, fireworks, mouse”. So all in all it sounds like a good trip!
As for me, I’ll be spending this time minus progeny either working, cleaning or working out child care for when they return. Cue anxiety attack!
Other Crap…
The only drawback to the new job is that it’s causing the carpal tunnel in my right wrist to act up. Due to that, I probably won’t be on the computer much in the near future until I get used to the job – thank goodness I have cable to waste time with. ;)
Speaking of cable and my obsessive possessiveness of the remote. I lost the remote yesterday! Damn it. I can’t even blame it on the offspring or K as I was home with the pets when the remote went missing. The worst part is that I now have to admit that I to am irresponsible with the remote and I have to climb down off my holier-than-though-high-horse. I am FLAWED! Feet of clay be damned! I think I need to invest in a chain to attach the remote to the television, kind of like the pen chains they have at banks.
And Now Something To Induce Vomiting!
I’m going to talk about sickeningly sweet things my kids have said. You may want to stop reading if you are diabetic or have a weak stomach.
Last week I was looking at pictures of cats and dogs on the internet with Cabbage Patch (she loves StuffOnMyCat.com), when she sees a photo of a Shar-Pei and says “Awww I like the ruffle dog!”
Seems my oldest offspring, Super Girl, who had no problem telling the therapist that she likes her daddy more than me, was rather anxious about her trip to the Mouse Kingdome and began crying yesterday morning before boarding the airplane wanting to know if mommy could go with them and couldn’t they wait for her (me). Awwww!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
And So It Begins…
I WORKED today! I went to WORK and clocked in and did WORK that I’ll get this amazing thing called a PAY CHECK for! And guess what? I LOVE my job! No really I LOVE it. I LOVE it enough to marry it, except it’s not a person so I can’t! But maybe I’ll think about it while I masturbate… though that might be a bit on the perverse side… I still might, though more likely I’ll just fantasize about how it’ll just snuggle me at night as I fall asleep with my head on it… or not. But I digress (as always).
I decorated CAKES today! Yes, yes I did! I thought this would all be just training and watching and maybe getting bored and having to sweep floors and wipe counters, but NO it was actually ME decorating CAKES! CAKES people ordered and paid for! I picked up how to do things pretty quickly and that’s a FABULOUS thing. I actually completely decorated two cakes all on my own! TWO! All by myself! AND I now know how to make a tres leches cake and I now know why it is that I get ill from eating that! MILK! Times 3! Who knew with a name like tres leches?!?!?! I made it and decorated that cake and it looked awesome.
I also worked an extra 2 hours, the time flew by soooo quick I almost didn’t even notice I had worked 7 hours straight without a break. It was so amazing, I was having so much fun! And I didn’t even mind the many many times my hands were blue and looked like they were afflicted with a strange Smurf disease. I go back to work at 8 am tomorrow and I’m sooooooooo excited to go back! And best of all – I get PAID to do this!
I WORKED today! I went to WORK and clocked in and did WORK that I’ll get this amazing thing called a PAY CHECK for! And guess what? I LOVE my job! No really I LOVE it. I LOVE it enough to marry it, except it’s not a person so I can’t! But maybe I’ll think about it while I masturbate… though that might be a bit on the perverse side… I still might, though more likely I’ll just fantasize about how it’ll just snuggle me at night as I fall asleep with my head on it… or not. But I digress (as always).
I decorated CAKES today! Yes, yes I did! I thought this would all be just training and watching and maybe getting bored and having to sweep floors and wipe counters, but NO it was actually ME decorating CAKES! CAKES people ordered and paid for! I picked up how to do things pretty quickly and that’s a FABULOUS thing. I actually completely decorated two cakes all on my own! TWO! All by myself! AND I now know how to make a tres leches cake and I now know why it is that I get ill from eating that! MILK! Times 3! Who knew with a name like tres leches?!?!?! I made it and decorated that cake and it looked awesome.
I also worked an extra 2 hours, the time flew by soooo quick I almost didn’t even notice I had worked 7 hours straight without a break. It was so amazing, I was having so much fun! And I didn’t even mind the many many times my hands were blue and looked like they were afflicted with a strange Smurf disease. I go back to work at 8 am tomorrow and I’m sooooooooo excited to go back! And best of all – I get PAID to do this!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Frightening Things That Keep Me Awake At Night
Enjoy the photo of a drawing my youngest Tiny Terrorist made for her Aunt D. I am not sure how it is possible that this wee progeny of mine can fail kindergarten but she can spell jihad correctly. I’m mildly disturbed by this, I’m even more disturbed by the drawing of my sister… with giant SOULDER PADS! I’m desperately fashionably impaired (I’ve even applied for one of those cool blue parking placards because my impairment borders on being truly fashionably disabled) yet even I know that giant SHOULDER PADS are a NO NO! I understood that I had passed down the faulty fashion gene to my oldest (she too has an unnatural love of camo) but I had hoped the youngest was unaffected. A couple of weeks after the above drawing was made my offspring returned home from a night away wearing blue pants with giant polka dots, a hot pink turtle neck (it was 80 outside!) with her hair in all directions, I honestly expected 10 more midget clowns to pop out of her suitcase. Now I’m coming to grips that both of my offspring are afflicted – I honestly thought they wouldn’t have much risk of this what with having a gay father. I’m looking into some type of program for both of them, the best I’ve found so far is What Not To Wear reruns ever day after school.
Speaking of SCHOOL, Holy Jesus on a pogo stick! It’s almost over! Damn! I keep writing letters to the school board and law makers begging them for year round school. Damn them all, I think I need to change tactics, less begging more threatening. I think maybe a little mafia tactics might work. They could wake up to find offspring in their living room, watching tv, making PB&J samiches on their coffee table and having a tea party with red kool aid while giving their dog a hair cut.
I’ve somewhat come to grips with the fact that we now have CABLE TV. I no longer scream and hide under the table when it’s switched on. In fact I demand the universal remote be turned over to me and only me most of the time as I feel no one else is responsible enough for the awesome power that it holds. That and the fact that 3 other remotes have vanished without a trace in this living room. Not even a batter cover, a stray button, no ransom note, just gone. I refuse to let that happen again. And of course this also prevents other people from doing the most heinous of activities – CHANNEL SURFING! Look at the freaking guide! Don’t flip channels! It is a forbidden activity in my abode, punishable by death or dismemberment… or something like that.
I’m not sure K is all that thrilled about me and cable becoming aquainted, he states that I’m more sarcastic than before! That isn’t possible! I also made him watch What Not To Wear with me, which he didn’t like, I guess there just wasn’t enough gay men talking about fashion on the show (ie Queer Eye).
Well I must go for now, I have to go hyperventilate over daycare before the offspring get home.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Employment Happens, Cue Anxiety Attack
Yes, yes it is true. I am EMPLOYED again. It’s exciting… to me anyway. I am going to be trained as a CAKE DECORATOR! Which is completely amazing and fabulous and for anyone who knows my love of CAKE (frosting), it’s a PERFECT MATCH for me! Woohoo! Just call me Cupcake from now on!
Anyway, I went for my drug test on Thursday and was quite surprised when they took a HAIR sample instead of a URINE sample. I spent all day Wednesday drinking water and practicing peeing in a cup for nothing! Well not really, I spent most of Wednesday on the couch feeling sick, but hey, that’s what happens when I drink a MILK shake! Have I mentioned that I’m LACTOSE INTOLERANT?? I have, well why the hell do I keep forgetting that? Whatever, MOVING ON… I go fill out the rest of my paper work today – pending the results of my drug test (thank goodness I gave up my expensive cocaine habit about the same time I gave up the Members Only jackets, Miami Vice and parachute pants) – and go for orientation Tuesday evening. YAY! I have a JOB!
Shortly after the realization of that fabulous fact, I needed to sit down, breath into a paper bag and put my head between my legs. Not so much because I’m finally employed again, but because I realized that now that the Little People’s summer break is quickly approaching that I would need to find DAY CARE for them. (Hold on a sec, the air has once again been sucked from the room, feeling dizzy… no worries… it’ll pass). The last day of school for them is the day AFTER Memorial Day (WTF? Why make them go BACK after the holiday???). Until the end of school, my neighbor has said he is more than willing to watch the girls after school while I work, then two weeks after school the offspring will be in the Kid Nirvana with D. Therefore, I have THAT much time to find affordable DAY CARE, which is well, nearly impossible. Thursday evening I spent many hours on the internet searching my options, fretting over the cost, and doing complicated math problems I thought I had left far behind when I finally passed college algebra.
REGISTRATION COST + EXTRA STUFF FEES = $$$ NEEDED TO GET THEM IN
WEEKLY FEES X NUMBER OF OFFSPRING = ALL OF MY CHECK + SOME MONEY I PULL OUT OF MY ASS
Thursday night I slept very little due to the DAY CARE induced anxiety attacks. Luckily, I was lying down so there was no danger of me passing out and banging my head on something hard… like a cat.
As luck would have it, Super Girl brought home a flyer for the Boys & Girls Club for their Summer Camp program and I was SHOCKED to see that it is actually AFFORDABLE. Well the weekly fee is affordable. The REGISTRATION is the cost of the weekly fee + membership fees for both progeny. It is a little high, but the weekly cost isn’t so high so it works out… or so I think. I was never good with math. Numbers BURN!
However, it means that there is no way in hell I can go to faire final weekend. Just cannot happen. All the money I will be making will need to go towards registration and the first week of DAY CARE. IN ADDITION, well I will probably have to work that weekend so… *sniff* no faire! I will live, it’s all worth it – the job will be incredibly cool.
PS - please note my most impressive use of ALL CAPS. I know, I amaze even myself. ;)
Yes, yes it is true. I am EMPLOYED again. It’s exciting… to me anyway. I am going to be trained as a CAKE DECORATOR! Which is completely amazing and fabulous and for anyone who knows my love of CAKE (frosting), it’s a PERFECT MATCH for me! Woohoo! Just call me Cupcake from now on!
Anyway, I went for my drug test on Thursday and was quite surprised when they took a HAIR sample instead of a URINE sample. I spent all day Wednesday drinking water and practicing peeing in a cup for nothing! Well not really, I spent most of Wednesday on the couch feeling sick, but hey, that’s what happens when I drink a MILK shake! Have I mentioned that I’m LACTOSE INTOLERANT?? I have, well why the hell do I keep forgetting that? Whatever, MOVING ON… I go fill out the rest of my paper work today – pending the results of my drug test (thank goodness I gave up my expensive cocaine habit about the same time I gave up the Members Only jackets, Miami Vice and parachute pants) – and go for orientation Tuesday evening. YAY! I have a JOB!
Shortly after the realization of that fabulous fact, I needed to sit down, breath into a paper bag and put my head between my legs. Not so much because I’m finally employed again, but because I realized that now that the Little People’s summer break is quickly approaching that I would need to find DAY CARE for them. (Hold on a sec, the air has once again been sucked from the room, feeling dizzy… no worries… it’ll pass). The last day of school for them is the day AFTER Memorial Day (WTF? Why make them go BACK after the holiday???). Until the end of school, my neighbor has said he is more than willing to watch the girls after school while I work, then two weeks after school the offspring will be in the Kid Nirvana with D. Therefore, I have THAT much time to find affordable DAY CARE, which is well, nearly impossible. Thursday evening I spent many hours on the internet searching my options, fretting over the cost, and doing complicated math problems I thought I had left far behind when I finally passed college algebra.
REGISTRATION COST + EXTRA STUFF FEES = $$$ NEEDED TO GET THEM IN
WEEKLY FEES X NUMBER OF OFFSPRING = ALL OF MY CHECK + SOME MONEY I PULL OUT OF MY ASS
Thursday night I slept very little due to the DAY CARE induced anxiety attacks. Luckily, I was lying down so there was no danger of me passing out and banging my head on something hard… like a cat.
As luck would have it, Super Girl brought home a flyer for the Boys & Girls Club for their Summer Camp program and I was SHOCKED to see that it is actually AFFORDABLE. Well the weekly fee is affordable. The REGISTRATION is the cost of the weekly fee + membership fees for both progeny. It is a little high, but the weekly cost isn’t so high so it works out… or so I think. I was never good with math. Numbers BURN!
However, it means that there is no way in hell I can go to faire final weekend. Just cannot happen. All the money I will be making will need to go towards registration and the first week of DAY CARE. IN ADDITION, well I will probably have to work that weekend so… *sniff* no faire! I will live, it’s all worth it – the job will be incredibly cool.
PS - please note my most impressive use of ALL CAPS. I know, I amaze even myself. ;)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Playing Catch Up
So let’s see…where to start…. Mother’s Day. Okay Mother’s Day just passed. For a couple of weeks prior to the big day, the offspring would ask me if I wanted DIAMONDS every time they saw a Kay’s Jewelry commercial (damn K for getting CABLE! More on that later.) this would both amuse me and disturb me. Damn those commercials! Saturday K and the wee people went to a baseball game (YAWN!) with K’s boyfriend then spent the night at his house. So I had utter peace and quiet that evening. And nothing to do. No matter, I sat on the couch, painted my nails and watched What Not To Wear so many times I started to have a panic attack when I looked at my camo Capri pants.
Sunday rolled around and I did something I haven’t been able to do in many many years. I slept in. I slept in really late. I even got up, made a piece of toast and went BACK TO BED!!! It was AWESOME. Only the cats tried to wake me that morning and I just shoved them off the bed. Though I was enjoying the silence, I was starting to miss the family by lunchtime… It was my day for them to be my SERVANTS and my SERVANTS were not there to SERVE ME! Luckily, K was headed home with the progeny to take me out for a delightful Mexican lunch, which was good because I was really tired of eating toast.
Lunch was fabulous; the best part being dessert of the people shaped sopapias – sopapeople. Which look more than just a little bit like voodoo dolls (which is why I HAD to order them). When my adorable little Tiny Terrorists got their sopapeople, they did the cutest thing! They started quoting CSI and pretending they were doing autopsies! It melted my heart. However, discussing taking out vital organs seemed to displease the table next to us. How was I to know they weren’t big fans of CSI?
We topped off the day by going to the store to buy ME some art supplies and ME reminding the offspring that it was all about ME and they had to SERVE ME for the day. (Can you believe they thought that was utter bullcrap and REBELED against the suggestion?!?!?!?! Talk about ungrateful!) All in all it was a most fabulous Mother’s Day!
PS – I got a steak dinner also!
So let’s see…where to start…. Mother’s Day. Okay Mother’s Day just passed. For a couple of weeks prior to the big day, the offspring would ask me if I wanted DIAMONDS every time they saw a Kay’s Jewelry commercial (damn K for getting CABLE! More on that later.) this would both amuse me and disturb me. Damn those commercials! Saturday K and the wee people went to a baseball game (YAWN!) with K’s boyfriend then spent the night at his house. So I had utter peace and quiet that evening. And nothing to do. No matter, I sat on the couch, painted my nails and watched What Not To Wear so many times I started to have a panic attack when I looked at my camo Capri pants.
Sunday rolled around and I did something I haven’t been able to do in many many years. I slept in. I slept in really late. I even got up, made a piece of toast and went BACK TO BED!!! It was AWESOME. Only the cats tried to wake me that morning and I just shoved them off the bed. Though I was enjoying the silence, I was starting to miss the family by lunchtime… It was my day for them to be my SERVANTS and my SERVANTS were not there to SERVE ME! Luckily, K was headed home with the progeny to take me out for a delightful Mexican lunch, which was good because I was really tired of eating toast.
Lunch was fabulous; the best part being dessert of the people shaped sopapias – sopapeople. Which look more than just a little bit like voodoo dolls (which is why I HAD to order them). When my adorable little Tiny Terrorists got their sopapeople, they did the cutest thing! They started quoting CSI and pretending they were doing autopsies! It melted my heart. However, discussing taking out vital organs seemed to displease the table next to us. How was I to know they weren’t big fans of CSI?
We topped off the day by going to the store to buy ME some art supplies and ME reminding the offspring that it was all about ME and they had to SERVE ME for the day. (Can you believe they thought that was utter bullcrap and REBELED against the suggestion?!?!?!?! Talk about ungrateful!) All in all it was a most fabulous Mother’s Day!
PS – I got a steak dinner also!
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Sarcasm At Such A Young Age! I’m So Proud!
Just yesterday, I’m in WallyWorld with D and the Little People. As we shop, we discuss their impending trip to Child Nirvana AKA Disney World and how they must not wander off in the park, yadda, yadda, yadda. I then say to Super Girl, "What would I do if you were gone?" to which she answered me totally deadpan “Adopt.” D and I stopped in our tracks, as we were at once over come with hilarity that we had to hide from the offspring and with utter pride at her perfect delivery of such a sarcastic answer. That was such a fabulous line that I completely forgive her for being utterly menopausal yesterday – I really gotta find her chewable estrogen, these mood swings are hell.
And I Thought Therapy Would Start Later in Life
Yesterday I took Super Girl to a child psychologist. This is our first step in getting her tested for her ADD. I have to say I believe it went rather well, she hasn’t started to blame me for all her issues yet even though she did tell the psychologist that her dad was the parent she got along with better while I was sitting right next to her! I was shocked by her utter honestly at that moment and she earned my respect as I would never have said that with one of my parents sitting next to me – my need for approval was far to great for me to have ever uttered anything that would earn me the ire of either of my parents. She has another session next week then he’ll set up testing. Hopefully things will go well.
The Job Situation…
Still unemployed. I THINK I’m getting closer to having a steady paycheck. Still looking.
Thanks for all your kind words and support – It’s helped keep me from drinking 7 bottles of Boone’s Farm a day… well not really, my lack of $$ has kept that from happening. Sadly I’ve not yet been able to shake my responsibility to the offspring and I continue to fritter away my money on stupid things like food for them. But your support has helped! And your job leads have been encouraging! And the antidepressants have been entertaining! What? You didn’t send those? Hmmmm… wonder who did and how I could get so luck??
Off to do worky-lookey stuff! Happy thoughts! Send the HAPPY THOUGHTS!! ( Or money)
Just yesterday, I’m in WallyWorld with D and the Little People. As we shop, we discuss their impending trip to Child Nirvana AKA Disney World and how they must not wander off in the park, yadda, yadda, yadda. I then say to Super Girl, "What would I do if you were gone?" to which she answered me totally deadpan “Adopt.” D and I stopped in our tracks, as we were at once over come with hilarity that we had to hide from the offspring and with utter pride at her perfect delivery of such a sarcastic answer. That was such a fabulous line that I completely forgive her for being utterly menopausal yesterday – I really gotta find her chewable estrogen, these mood swings are hell.
And I Thought Therapy Would Start Later in Life
Yesterday I took Super Girl to a child psychologist. This is our first step in getting her tested for her ADD. I have to say I believe it went rather well, she hasn’t started to blame me for all her issues yet even though she did tell the psychologist that her dad was the parent she got along with better while I was sitting right next to her! I was shocked by her utter honestly at that moment and she earned my respect as I would never have said that with one of my parents sitting next to me – my need for approval was far to great for me to have ever uttered anything that would earn me the ire of either of my parents. She has another session next week then he’ll set up testing. Hopefully things will go well.
The Job Situation…
Still unemployed. I THINK I’m getting closer to having a steady paycheck. Still looking.
Thanks for all your kind words and support – It’s helped keep me from drinking 7 bottles of Boone’s Farm a day… well not really, my lack of $$ has kept that from happening. Sadly I’ve not yet been able to shake my responsibility to the offspring and I continue to fritter away my money on stupid things like food for them. But your support has helped! And your job leads have been encouraging! And the antidepressants have been entertaining! What? You didn’t send those? Hmmmm… wonder who did and how I could get so luck??
Off to do worky-lookey stuff! Happy thoughts! Send the HAPPY THOUGHTS!! ( Or money)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
No Point Of Reference
Recently I’ve been attempting to teach my offspring to ride a bike. Let me just say it right now, I have no freaking clue what I’m doing. I have no point of reference at all because I don’t know how to ride a bike. I know it’s hard to believe as learning to ride a bike seems to be a rite of childhood, but honestly, it never happened for me. I want to know how to ride a bike, I just don’t and now that I’m 35 I’m not sure I’m really up to falling off a bike and the embarrassment that ensues (i.e. I’m a big pussy). But I digress (as usual), I’ve done bike maintenance (aired up tires, replaced a tire tube and oiled chains) and now I’m kind of not sure what the hell I’m doing. So far, I’m running along side my progeny, holding them steady then suddenly letting go and watching them fall over. Which to be honest seems like a big nasty life lesson in trust and all that crap more than anything else. I’m not sure my kids are learning much more than that the ground really hurts when you fall onto it and sometimes you bleed, but they seem to be up for more, so whatever. Eventually they’ll either learn to ride or get tired of falling over.
This past weekend was crazy. Instead of my usual paying gig of watching Coco the colorful pooch, I got to watch Coco and Coco’s brother Alec (who looks nothing like Coco, but more like a big ass rottie German shepherd mix) at Alec’s daddy’s house. Therefore, I was gone ALL weekend long. The Little People were thrilled as this casa has a pool and a hot tub (which was totally necessary as the pool was really COLD, so they’d swim in the pool for a bit, then jump in the hot tub to warm up and back to the pool ad nauseam). It seems like it would be fantastically exciting to be spending the weekend in a big ass house with a pool and hot tub and endless channels of television to watch and wireless internet. However, it wasn’t. The pool got boring after a bit. There is only so much ‘keep away’ one can play with one’s progeny. The cable got boring right away and K and I only had one computer between us so we both tried to limit our own computer usage so as to be courteous to the other. And most of the time I was there I was thinking of the millions of things I needed to be doing back at my house that weren’t getting done because the cats just don’t do ANYTHING at all. It was somewhat stressful. But what do I know; I might have had more fun if I’d just drank heavily.
Moreover, on to other things…
Cabbage Patch has distinguished herself by being able to fail kindergarten. We just got her final progress report that basically says that she’s failing EVERYTHING and they suggest summer school. K and I have discussed this and we are opting to not put her in summer school and just have her repeat kindergarten. When I enrolled her in kindergarten, I wondered if I was putting her in to early as she is a July birthday and now it seems as though I have my confirmation that I should have waited. Even though I know this, I can’t help but feel like an enormous failure as a mother in this department. Yay me.
And to add to that failure in the motherhood department, Super Girl is having issues with school also. This is the most frustrating part ever. Super Girl’s teacher has been telling us that she knows the information but that she isn’t doing well on the tests. What the hell can you do? She HAS to pass the tests to pass 2nd grade. When we go over the flash cards with her, she knows it. She knows the math problems, she knows the words, and she can read well. She’s still failing the tests. Part of the problem is the way the tests are being administered. The math portion is done on the computer where the child is shown the screen with the math problem (8+1=) and they have to verbally answer in 3 seconds. There in lies the problem, the three seconds. When she gets to one she has to think about (8+7=) she takes longer than 3 seconds, then she ends up missing the next 2 because she’s trying to catch up. *sigh* I’m going to call the teacher and see what can be done about this, if she can just take the test in written form.
This whole school year has been rather disappointing and frustrating for me, as there seems to be a great lack of communication from the teachers as to what and how the progeny have been doing academically. So there, one child is definitely failing and the other is teetering on the edge – I think I definitely have the up on Britney Spears in this Ghetto Mother Of The Year Award and I didn’t even have to get one of them addicted to crack.
Finally…
I’ve been spending most of my time applying for jobs, washing clothes, cleaning my kitchen and being depressed. Some days I spend more of my time being depressed than anything else and those are the days that I generally don’t do the washing of clothes or cleaning of the kitchen and spend a lot of time just sleeping to make the day end faster. The past year and a half has been rather depressing but fuck, until a couple of months ago, I didn’t have the overwhelming urge to spend 12-14 hours a day sleeping.
I’ve never been unemployed for this long and quite frankly, it’s horrible. I’ve worked since I was 15 and worked full time since I graduated high school – even when I was in college. I never realized how much of my worth was tied to getting a paycheck until now. I honestly feel somewhat useless and worthless because I’m not getting a paycheck. This of course makes me full of self-doubt and devoid of motivation. It’s bad enough that I procrastinate but now I feel absolutely anxious when I want to do something because I’m terrified it won’t be good enough. I’ve always been somewhat doubtful about my own talents – I never really got many ‘at-a-boys’ growing up or much in the way of encouragement, but now, well I’m just paralyzed by it. I’m disappointed in myself, I feel like I should be able to snap out of this but I can’t seem to. I know I’ve disappointed a lot of people, join the club, I’m sure there are jackets by now. I’m sorry, I’m not a very good friend right now and I honestly don’t expect people to understand or anything like that. Therefore, if I’ve let you down and angered you, I completely understand and wouldn’t expect you to feel any other way. I’m sorry, I can’t change how I’ve been and though I’d like to promise you that I’ll wake up tomorrow and things will be wonderful and I’ll be able to fulfill my obligations and promises, I just can’t make that promise, I very well make wake up tomorrow and have the urge to go back to sleep for another 5 hours. I lead a glamorous life, don’t I?
On a brighter note, I have had two pretty decent job leads come up today and tomorrow I’m going to apply for a few jobs. Blah, that’s it for now. Send well wishes… and Prozac… and money… kidding, kidding, just send Prozac. ;)
Recently I’ve been attempting to teach my offspring to ride a bike. Let me just say it right now, I have no freaking clue what I’m doing. I have no point of reference at all because I don’t know how to ride a bike. I know it’s hard to believe as learning to ride a bike seems to be a rite of childhood, but honestly, it never happened for me. I want to know how to ride a bike, I just don’t and now that I’m 35 I’m not sure I’m really up to falling off a bike and the embarrassment that ensues (i.e. I’m a big pussy). But I digress (as usual), I’ve done bike maintenance (aired up tires, replaced a tire tube and oiled chains) and now I’m kind of not sure what the hell I’m doing. So far, I’m running along side my progeny, holding them steady then suddenly letting go and watching them fall over. Which to be honest seems like a big nasty life lesson in trust and all that crap more than anything else. I’m not sure my kids are learning much more than that the ground really hurts when you fall onto it and sometimes you bleed, but they seem to be up for more, so whatever. Eventually they’ll either learn to ride or get tired of falling over.
This past weekend was crazy. Instead of my usual paying gig of watching Coco the colorful pooch, I got to watch Coco and Coco’s brother Alec (who looks nothing like Coco, but more like a big ass rottie German shepherd mix) at Alec’s daddy’s house. Therefore, I was gone ALL weekend long. The Little People were thrilled as this casa has a pool and a hot tub (which was totally necessary as the pool was really COLD, so they’d swim in the pool for a bit, then jump in the hot tub to warm up and back to the pool ad nauseam). It seems like it would be fantastically exciting to be spending the weekend in a big ass house with a pool and hot tub and endless channels of television to watch and wireless internet. However, it wasn’t. The pool got boring after a bit. There is only so much ‘keep away’ one can play with one’s progeny. The cable got boring right away and K and I only had one computer between us so we both tried to limit our own computer usage so as to be courteous to the other. And most of the time I was there I was thinking of the millions of things I needed to be doing back at my house that weren’t getting done because the cats just don’t do ANYTHING at all. It was somewhat stressful. But what do I know; I might have had more fun if I’d just drank heavily.
Moreover, on to other things…
Cabbage Patch has distinguished herself by being able to fail kindergarten. We just got her final progress report that basically says that she’s failing EVERYTHING and they suggest summer school. K and I have discussed this and we are opting to not put her in summer school and just have her repeat kindergarten. When I enrolled her in kindergarten, I wondered if I was putting her in to early as she is a July birthday and now it seems as though I have my confirmation that I should have waited. Even though I know this, I can’t help but feel like an enormous failure as a mother in this department. Yay me.
And to add to that failure in the motherhood department, Super Girl is having issues with school also. This is the most frustrating part ever. Super Girl’s teacher has been telling us that she knows the information but that she isn’t doing well on the tests. What the hell can you do? She HAS to pass the tests to pass 2nd grade. When we go over the flash cards with her, she knows it. She knows the math problems, she knows the words, and she can read well. She’s still failing the tests. Part of the problem is the way the tests are being administered. The math portion is done on the computer where the child is shown the screen with the math problem (8+1=) and they have to verbally answer in 3 seconds. There in lies the problem, the three seconds. When she gets to one she has to think about (8+7=) she takes longer than 3 seconds, then she ends up missing the next 2 because she’s trying to catch up. *sigh* I’m going to call the teacher and see what can be done about this, if she can just take the test in written form.
This whole school year has been rather disappointing and frustrating for me, as there seems to be a great lack of communication from the teachers as to what and how the progeny have been doing academically. So there, one child is definitely failing and the other is teetering on the edge – I think I definitely have the up on Britney Spears in this Ghetto Mother Of The Year Award and I didn’t even have to get one of them addicted to crack.
Finally…
I’ve been spending most of my time applying for jobs, washing clothes, cleaning my kitchen and being depressed. Some days I spend more of my time being depressed than anything else and those are the days that I generally don’t do the washing of clothes or cleaning of the kitchen and spend a lot of time just sleeping to make the day end faster. The past year and a half has been rather depressing but fuck, until a couple of months ago, I didn’t have the overwhelming urge to spend 12-14 hours a day sleeping.
I’ve never been unemployed for this long and quite frankly, it’s horrible. I’ve worked since I was 15 and worked full time since I graduated high school – even when I was in college. I never realized how much of my worth was tied to getting a paycheck until now. I honestly feel somewhat useless and worthless because I’m not getting a paycheck. This of course makes me full of self-doubt and devoid of motivation. It’s bad enough that I procrastinate but now I feel absolutely anxious when I want to do something because I’m terrified it won’t be good enough. I’ve always been somewhat doubtful about my own talents – I never really got many ‘at-a-boys’ growing up or much in the way of encouragement, but now, well I’m just paralyzed by it. I’m disappointed in myself, I feel like I should be able to snap out of this but I can’t seem to. I know I’ve disappointed a lot of people, join the club, I’m sure there are jackets by now. I’m sorry, I’m not a very good friend right now and I honestly don’t expect people to understand or anything like that. Therefore, if I’ve let you down and angered you, I completely understand and wouldn’t expect you to feel any other way. I’m sorry, I can’t change how I’ve been and though I’d like to promise you that I’ll wake up tomorrow and things will be wonderful and I’ll be able to fulfill my obligations and promises, I just can’t make that promise, I very well make wake up tomorrow and have the urge to go back to sleep for another 5 hours. I lead a glamorous life, don’t I?
On a brighter note, I have had two pretty decent job leads come up today and tomorrow I’m going to apply for a few jobs. Blah, that’s it for now. Send well wishes… and Prozac… and money… kidding, kidding, just send Prozac. ;)
Friday, April 27, 2007
Ahhhh The First Sign Of Spring! Poison Ivy!
As many of you know (and most of you don’t care) the town house I currently reside in is situated right next to a creek and it’s absolutely beautiful when things start to bloom. As the years have pass that I have lived here I’ve realized that the beauty is but a veneer to it’s true nature, the beautiful leaves and flowers hide the hideously large amounts of poison ivy twining up the trees and creeping along the ground (in a few weeks I’ll take a photo of the absolutely stunning patch of poison ivy that completely chokes out everything and carpets the floor in this one are of the ‘woods’). My progeny are forbidden from going into the wooded area for many reasons but for this really BIG one as Super Girl is SUPER sensitive to poison ivy (last spring she missed 3 days of school for a particularly nasty poison ivy rash that caused her to do a spot on impression of The Elephant Man).
This spring the allure of the woods calls all the children to creep through them down to the creek to get filthy. I am a mother, I am devoid of all fun (according to those I gave birth to) and my sole purpose is to crush all fun to be had by anyone under the age of 10 (again this is according to the two I have birthed). For the past couple of months my offspring have been playing Russian Roulette with the wooded area, they continue to venture into it with their friends and I continue to catch them and ground them – but my wrath isn’t what they are playing with, it’s the poison ivy. Up until now it hadn’t taken it’s usual strangle hold on the wooded area and wasn’t covering nearly every inch of ground so they’ve managed to come out of the woods with only the wrath of their angry and humorless mother. Earlier this week I noticed three relatively small rashes on Super Girl. AND much to my surprise, Cabbage Patch has a rash on her wrist! This was the child I thought WASN’T reactive! So… it’s spring and it’s itchy. Time to stock up on Calamine lotion and Aveno Bath’s.
As many of you know (and most of you don’t care) the town house I currently reside in is situated right next to a creek and it’s absolutely beautiful when things start to bloom. As the years have pass that I have lived here I’ve realized that the beauty is but a veneer to it’s true nature, the beautiful leaves and flowers hide the hideously large amounts of poison ivy twining up the trees and creeping along the ground (in a few weeks I’ll take a photo of the absolutely stunning patch of poison ivy that completely chokes out everything and carpets the floor in this one are of the ‘woods’). My progeny are forbidden from going into the wooded area for many reasons but for this really BIG one as Super Girl is SUPER sensitive to poison ivy (last spring she missed 3 days of school for a particularly nasty poison ivy rash that caused her to do a spot on impression of The Elephant Man).
This spring the allure of the woods calls all the children to creep through them down to the creek to get filthy. I am a mother, I am devoid of all fun (according to those I gave birth to) and my sole purpose is to crush all fun to be had by anyone under the age of 10 (again this is according to the two I have birthed). For the past couple of months my offspring have been playing Russian Roulette with the wooded area, they continue to venture into it with their friends and I continue to catch them and ground them – but my wrath isn’t what they are playing with, it’s the poison ivy. Up until now it hadn’t taken it’s usual strangle hold on the wooded area and wasn’t covering nearly every inch of ground so they’ve managed to come out of the woods with only the wrath of their angry and humorless mother. Earlier this week I noticed three relatively small rashes on Super Girl. AND much to my surprise, Cabbage Patch has a rash on her wrist! This was the child I thought WASN’T reactive! So… it’s spring and it’s itchy. Time to stock up on Calamine lotion and Aveno Bath’s.
Oh The Madness!
Today is “drag your kid to work and screw off half the day keeping them occupied day” or something like that. Currently the offspring are at work with K and could be more amused if you came up behind me and tickled me with a feather.
Today started remarkably well and cheerful! As I got up this morning I was greeted with the happy voice of my oldest progeny wishing me a good morning. I asked her to go upstairs and wake her sister and was told that she was on the couch. I walked into the living room expecting to see Cabbage Patch in her usual state – being partial eaten by the couch, but instead found a smiling child sitting on the couch. If it wasn’t so enjoyable it would have been CREEPY. (Please, please, aliens who replaced my offspring with pod children please don’t change anything!)
Then they got dressed, they took great care to choose the perfect outfit to wear. Super Girl obsessed over finding MATCHING SHOES to go with her all black ensemble. My suggestion of just wearing her pink sandals was met with such harsh disapproval I wondered if she was channeling Mr. Blackwell.
Next we fixed hair. Cabbage Patch opted for adorable today with the Cindy Brady Curled Pigtail look, accessorized with rhinestone barrettes and matching bracelet and she was good to go. Super Girl with for a more elegant look for her all black outfit. Long straight hair with rhinestone barrettes and matching bracelet as well. We moved on to the NEXT step in this process – nails. The progeny insisted they have a fresh manicure prior to leaving. Blue nails for Cabbage Patch and black for Super Girl.
I don’t think they were this particular when they went to the Daddy Daughter Dance in February. I think due to their overwhelming enthusiasm for going to work with daddy, I may message K and tell him to get the offspring applications to work there!
Anyway, a text message from K just updated me that things are going swimmingly there and that the offspring are being angelic and super cute. We’ll see what happens after lunch when the last 4 hours of the day are “Observe parent working”. I give it until 1:15 pm when the ethereal patina wears off and the whining starts. I’m ever so thankful to be home by myself with the kitties.
Today is “drag your kid to work and screw off half the day keeping them occupied day” or something like that. Currently the offspring are at work with K and could be more amused if you came up behind me and tickled me with a feather.
Today started remarkably well and cheerful! As I got up this morning I was greeted with the happy voice of my oldest progeny wishing me a good morning. I asked her to go upstairs and wake her sister and was told that she was on the couch. I walked into the living room expecting to see Cabbage Patch in her usual state – being partial eaten by the couch, but instead found a smiling child sitting on the couch. If it wasn’t so enjoyable it would have been CREEPY. (Please, please, aliens who replaced my offspring with pod children please don’t change anything!)
Then they got dressed, they took great care to choose the perfect outfit to wear. Super Girl obsessed over finding MATCHING SHOES to go with her all black ensemble. My suggestion of just wearing her pink sandals was met with such harsh disapproval I wondered if she was channeling Mr. Blackwell.
Next we fixed hair. Cabbage Patch opted for adorable today with the Cindy Brady Curled Pigtail look, accessorized with rhinestone barrettes and matching bracelet and she was good to go. Super Girl with for a more elegant look for her all black outfit. Long straight hair with rhinestone barrettes and matching bracelet as well. We moved on to the NEXT step in this process – nails. The progeny insisted they have a fresh manicure prior to leaving. Blue nails for Cabbage Patch and black for Super Girl.
I don’t think they were this particular when they went to the Daddy Daughter Dance in February. I think due to their overwhelming enthusiasm for going to work with daddy, I may message K and tell him to get the offspring applications to work there!
Anyway, a text message from K just updated me that things are going swimmingly there and that the offspring are being angelic and super cute. We’ll see what happens after lunch when the last 4 hours of the day are “Observe parent working”. I give it until 1:15 pm when the ethereal patina wears off and the whining starts. I’m ever so thankful to be home by myself with the kitties.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
I Is Purples All Over
Ash is so funny! She put this on the comments of my MySpace page.
She's so crazy, it's fabulous! For more Lolcat fun, go check out I Can Has Cheeseburger? I'm completly addicted to that site! It's even better than Stuff On My Cat or Stuff On My Mutt and definitly funnier than Cute Overload (which is motly just terribly cute and not really HAHAHA.
Currently it's POURING outside. Which is wonderful. I don't have to watter my plants! The wee people woke up happy for the SECOND day in a row - is Armagedon right around the corner? - I wonder if it's from their sparkling clean room* or from the knowledge that their father is taking them to work with them on Friday for "Take your kid to work day". That man is BRAVE to take BOTH of them to work with him. His workplace has half a day of activites planned for them and then the kids get to OBSERVER as their parent WORKS from 1-5 pm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whatever! That will be the most unproductive day EVER. I remember when I worked as a secretary and my bosses would bring their kids to work for that day - I would always have the kids parked with ME for several hours of me entertaining them and playing games on the computer with them before their parents called it a day shortly after lunch because they couldn't get shit done because their kid kept going into their office ever 15 minutes to ask a question or get something or look pitiful and ask to go to McDonalds. I can't wait to hear of the joy of this day for K.
On to other things...
Still searching for a job, still broke and still missing faire and sad about it. I haven't been at faire at all this year and it's just tragic. I want to go soooooo much but I just CAN'T. I've had several offers from darling friends for them to give me rides or pay my way in, but I've refused them all - I would still be a broke dick and I'm just not going to be a leach to my friends. I love you, I miss you all, I'm going to come out at the very least Memorial Day Weekend to have much merriment. Everyone, have a drink at faire for me.
Ash is so funny! She put this on the comments of my MySpace page.
She's so crazy, it's fabulous! For more Lolcat fun, go check out I Can Has Cheeseburger? I'm completly addicted to that site! It's even better than Stuff On My Cat or Stuff On My Mutt and definitly funnier than Cute Overload (which is motly just terribly cute and not really HAHAHA.
Currently it's POURING outside. Which is wonderful. I don't have to watter my plants! The wee people woke up happy for the SECOND day in a row - is Armagedon right around the corner? - I wonder if it's from their sparkling clean room* or from the knowledge that their father is taking them to work with them on Friday for "Take your kid to work day". That man is BRAVE to take BOTH of them to work with him. His workplace has half a day of activites planned for them and then the kids get to OBSERVER as their parent WORKS from 1-5 pm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whatever! That will be the most unproductive day EVER. I remember when I worked as a secretary and my bosses would bring their kids to work for that day - I would always have the kids parked with ME for several hours of me entertaining them and playing games on the computer with them before their parents called it a day shortly after lunch because they couldn't get shit done because their kid kept going into their office ever 15 minutes to ask a question or get something or look pitiful and ask to go to McDonalds. I can't wait to hear of the joy of this day for K.
On to other things...
Still searching for a job, still broke and still missing faire and sad about it. I haven't been at faire at all this year and it's just tragic. I want to go soooooo much but I just CAN'T. I've had several offers from darling friends for them to give me rides or pay my way in, but I've refused them all - I would still be a broke dick and I'm just not going to be a leach to my friends. I love you, I miss you all, I'm going to come out at the very least Memorial Day Weekend to have much merriment. Everyone, have a drink at faire for me.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Shitty Sunday
Well first off, I didn’t get the job. *sigh* That kind of soured the day for a while. D came over to fetch
THEN when I get home there’s a message from the guy I was to have a date with tonight – he bailed on me for the second time. The first time was Friday when he had a terrible migraine. Tonight it was because he said he had dinner with his ex last night and that they decided to ‘give it another try’. Hmmmm… and last night he was telling me that he was going to bed early because he still had that migraine. *eyes rolling up in head* So let’s see… Since January I’ve been rejected because I have kids, because I have cats and now for the ex. I’m on a roll. Eh whatever, there’s always someone waiting to take their place.
D and I proceeded to do a little art work on the pooch. And the results are magnificent if I do say so myself. Well, just look. No these are NOT PhotoShopped, the dog really looks like that. *sigh* This is what keeps me from having to take copious amounts of happy drugs.
Later I spent the rest of this evening riding herd on my offspring so they would clean that health hazard of a pig sty that they call their room. After all the clothing, books, toys and papers were picked up there was an unimaginable amount of glitter and confetti on the floor. No really, there was, I wasn’t smoking crack while they cleaned. It looked like herd of drunk fairies had puked in their room. But it’s clean now. That makes me happy. That and
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Good Job Getting Vibes Wanted!
The interview went quite well. I aced all the tests and impressed the woman who called for the interview. I think it went well with the owner of the company as well. The job place seems really interesting and fast paced. I would like this job. Throw me some happy vibes!
The interview went quite well. I aced all the tests and impressed the woman who called for the interview. I think it went well with the owner of the company as well. The job place seems really interesting and fast paced. I would like this job. Throw me some happy vibes!
You Had To Be A Fiction Teacher!*
Why is it Monday through Friday when I awaken my progeny at 6:30 am I get complaints and screaming and pleas to go back to sleep yet on SATURDAY when they CAN sleep in I am awakened by their delightful squeals of play and laughter at the unholy hour of 6:15 am?!?!?!?!?! 6:15 in the freaking morning! EVEN my offspring who is the crankiest on a school morning and BEGGS to go back to sleep as she buries herself in the sofa cushions was up and laughing at 6:15 am. Yes, yes, Cabbage Patch AKA The Badger was participating in this lunacy. I finally had enough, yelled at them both and made them go BACK TO BED (one in their room, the other on the sofa) because I wanted more sleep. I think they do this to drive me MAD!
Moving right along…
I have an interview today at 1pm. It’s for an administrative assistant position. Meh. It would be a steady pay check. Why interview today, a Saturday? Because the person who called me for the interview was deeply impressed by my past experience with Nortel Networks and wanted me to interview with her and with the owner of the company who will be there today. Hopefully it’ll go well.
In other news…
Research recently released shows that a persons stress and anxiety levels are significantly reduced by looking at a pink pooch.** Take a look:
You’re welcome.
Now I’m off to take a shower and search for my favorite shoes to wear to this interview.
* That’s what Super Girl thought were the words to Big Shot by Billy Joel. Yes I listen to Billy Joel, fuck off, I’ve already admitted to the abomination that my musical taste is by publicly admitting my Manilow love.
** Not really, but if there ever is a study for that I want to one of the people getting paid to do it! I could dye pooches pink all day!
Why is it Monday through Friday when I awaken my progeny at 6:30 am I get complaints and screaming and pleas to go back to sleep yet on SATURDAY when they CAN sleep in I am awakened by their delightful squeals of play and laughter at the unholy hour of 6:15 am?!?!?!?!?! 6:15 in the freaking morning! EVEN my offspring who is the crankiest on a school morning and BEGGS to go back to sleep as she buries herself in the sofa cushions was up and laughing at 6:15 am. Yes, yes, Cabbage Patch AKA The Badger was participating in this lunacy. I finally had enough, yelled at them both and made them go BACK TO BED (one in their room, the other on the sofa) because I wanted more sleep. I think they do this to drive me MAD!
Moving right along…
I have an interview today at 1pm. It’s for an administrative assistant position. Meh. It would be a steady pay check. Why interview today, a Saturday? Because the person who called me for the interview was deeply impressed by my past experience with Nortel Networks and wanted me to interview with her and with the owner of the company who will be there today. Hopefully it’ll go well.
In other news…
Research recently released shows that a persons stress and anxiety levels are significantly reduced by looking at a pink pooch.** Take a look:
You’re welcome.
Now I’m off to take a shower and search for my favorite shoes to wear to this interview.
* That’s what Super Girl thought were the words to Big Shot by Billy Joel. Yes I listen to Billy Joel, fuck off, I’ve already admitted to the abomination that my musical taste is by publicly admitting my Manilow love.
** Not really, but if there ever is a study for that I want to one of the people getting paid to do it! I could dye pooches pink all day!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Lost In Translation
I told MacGyver about that and she thought it was hilarious. In talking we decided that D could use that to her advantage and just say that something was just LOST IN TRANSLATION anytime there is a misunderstanding.
Field Trip
Tuesday of last week was Super Girl’s class field trip. She begged me to accompany her on this and me being the most attentive mother ever, I said “Are you sure?” to which she said “Please!” and I said okay, then procrastinated until the VERY last moment to get my background check done. Why? Well I’m not keen on field trips – I never have been. I’m thrilled my offspring like them and get to go, but yeah, I never liked them myself. I realized this as I filled in the background check form the Thursday before at 2:30 pm and secretly hoped that it wouldn’t clear in time or possibly it would come back flagged due to my indictment for attempted murder with frozen poultry or possibly the 27 or 30 (I’ve lost count) separate restraining orders for stalking and various other activities, making me a security risk. I would have been fine with that and cheerily forfeited my $7 museum admittance fee to not go on the damn field trip. No such luck – I truly am karmically challenged – by
The night before the trip to hell… er… trip to the Natural Science Museum and Wildlife Sanctuary it struck me as to why I have always loathed field trips (oh I’d still go, there was nothing worse than being the kid who couldn’t go). I remembered my first field trip (my mom was a chaperone) and how we sat in the back of the bus where I got car sick on the way there. I can’t remember where we went, but I remember lunch in the park and drinking red Kool Aid then lying down with my head in my mom’s lap. On the way back to school we sat in the back of the bus again where I proceeded to puke up copious amounts of red Kool Aid. It was great. Another field trip started out with the bus driver and teacher letting everyone disembark from the bus via the emergency door in the back. By this age I was far too much of a dork to sit in the back of the bus so I just waited in line waiting my turn to hurl my body out the back of the bus. Now you must note that I’m short and have always been on the short side, so here I was, short and chubby with geek clothes and a bad hair cut. A few people from the door of doom and I started to regret not having just gone out the bus through the front door. When I got there I looked down at the ground which seemed to be about a million miles below me and knew that this was a HUGE mistake. I hesitated; people behind me started saying “Go! Go!” in a very irritated tone, and then I did it. I jumped down just like everyone else, and then I fell flat on my fucking face. I cut my chin; I busted my knee open and scraped up one of my hands. And everyone laugh, except me, the short, chubby kid with blood on her shirt. Then of course there are the trips where I managed to not injure myself, where in I ended up being shoved to the back of the crowd and not being able to see any damn thing. That and riding the bus. Shit I hated riding the bus. D and I always had to ride a bus to school so getting EXTRA time on a bus just wasn’t a selling point for me. But I digress and hey, you aren’t getting paid $250 an hour to listen to my issues, so on we go!
I arrived at school about
We started off on the trail and came to a large field with a creek beyond it. Tim stopped us and told us about this field and the creek. Tim took a good 10 minutes to talk about the GRASS… to a group of second graders. I remember thinking “Is he really talking about the GRASS or have I lost my mind?” The kids at this moment started asking about what time it was and when was lunch. We had just started. After Tim’s thrilling dissertation on the grass and how this European grass got here with the help of the immigrants and the animals they brought (and at no point did he EVER say the word poop, though he implied poop, he just never said it and for that he should be ashamed! Second graders love the word poop), we headed to a charming little area where he stopped to point out the POISON IVY! I cringed and hugged Super Girl closer to me while muttering “Don’t even take one step off this trail!”
NEXT, we walked past the enclosures for the birds on display at the Wildlife Sanctuary. Oops! There were no birds in the enclosures! How exciting! Tim explained that the birds that usually called those homes were currently on loan to some where else. Good choice of trails Tim! Finally we make it down next to the creek where Tim admonishes us to be QUIET! And to STAY AWAY from the creek. Thrilling. We see 3 ducks swim about 20 feet from the group. And one heron that flew away. The kids really didn’t give a crap by this time. They were asking every 5 minutes what time it was and saying they were hungry (i.e. bored). I was bored and I had a camera to take photos of interesting things with… which is to say there was very little that was interesting.
On the next part of the trail it was time for the kids to catch bugs. Sadly for them there weren’t that many bugs and it sucks to have to ASK permission to pick up a bug every time you find one – it makes for very few bugs being collected. YAWN. We finally made it back to the Natural Science Museum a little before 11 am. I was shocked to discover we had only been gone for a freaking hour! It seemed much, much longer.
Finally it was time for what the kids enjoyed the MOST! LUNCH! We had a 30 minute lunch so we’d have enough time to see the exhibits in the Natural Science Museum. (The field trip was scheduled to be over at 1:30 pm.) Now let me take a moment to say – DAMN! WTF is up with the shit people are packing in their kids’ lunches? It is NO wonder so many little kids are obese! I looked around and saw that my kid happened to be unique in the fact that her lunch had no junk food. Most kids had WAY too much food also. Super girl had a peanut butter and banana sandwich, an apple, an orange and a carrot (she loves carrots) and a bottle of water. She ate her sandwich, her carrot, had a few pieces of orange and we brought the apple back home. The girl next to her had a 6” sub from Subway, a bag of chips, a Sprite, a container of yogurt and some small slices of watermelon. The girl across from her had a sandwich (minus crust); Cheetos, a big Capri Sun, a big Honey Bun and I think cookies. Ah well now I understood why one of the girls had commented that Super Girl’s lunch looked like “A lot of vegetables”. Looking around, I don’t remember seeing any other kids in the class with fruit and I saw an awful lot of cans of sodas. Come on people! You are what you eat! Don’t turn your kids into JUNK FOOD.
Then it was on to the exhibits! All three rooms of exhibits. And one room was a ‘fossil dig’ room with a corner of it set up as a sand box where they could dig for ‘fossils’ and nothing else really. The next two hours were painful and tedious. I forced my kid and a couple others to walk through the other two rooms and do the ‘scavenger hunt’ to eat up some of the time. Then they all congregated in the Fossil Room to play in the sand. One little girl was such a brat – she proclaimed herself QUEEN and started bossing all the other kids in the sand around, I had the urge to go shove her off her perch and into the sand just to shut her up. Many of the kids just ignored her but several actually did what she said, so apparently she’s been playing this “Queen Of The Universe” roll for a while. It got so desperate to keep the kids occupied that part of our tour was going through the gift shop! I didn’t care, I just wanted it over – since we were inside now and had no where to stow any coats, I had the joy of carrying mine and our water bottles and Super Girls jacket. Wow, it was almost as much fun as going anywhere when my progeny was babies and required a pack mule full of diapers and bottles to accompany us.
Finally it was over, we were on the bus at 1 pm to wait for the rest of second grade to join us. The Natural Science Museum and Wildlife Sanctuary, blows. I’m lucky I got out with my sanity.
Yeah, I know, I bitch a lot.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Nosferatu, is that you?
I think I discovered Cabbage Patch’s problem with MORNING. She’s a vampire. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it until this morning when she angrily screamed that she HATES THE LIGHT! All this time I thought it was just her being cranky, when in fact she has a fairly serious medical condition. Well she’s still going to have to go to school each morning… at least until she’s old enough for night school.
Last night I dreamed people were giving me gifts! It was fabulous! And in one of the bags there was stuff, like earrings and perfume but the BEST gift in the bag was an adorable pair of panties! Everyone thought I was an utter nut case for being so impressed with the panties instead of the perfume and earrings… well everyone except one person who made promise of certain naughty things when I wore them.
ALSO - in the dream at one point I walk past a table with various cupcakes and things on it and I notice one really cute little house on the table – it’s made from Twinkies! And now I have the insane urge to make a house out of Twinkies! Yeah, I know, I’m sick in the head. Gotta make lunch for the kids and shove them out the door. Have a great day!
I think I discovered Cabbage Patch’s problem with MORNING. She’s a vampire. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it until this morning when she angrily screamed that she HATES THE LIGHT! All this time I thought it was just her being cranky, when in fact she has a fairly serious medical condition. Well she’s still going to have to go to school each morning… at least until she’s old enough for night school.
Last night I dreamed people were giving me gifts! It was fabulous! And in one of the bags there was stuff, like earrings and perfume but the BEST gift in the bag was an adorable pair of panties! Everyone thought I was an utter nut case for being so impressed with the panties instead of the perfume and earrings… well everyone except one person who made promise of certain naughty things when I wore them.
ALSO - in the dream at one point I walk past a table with various cupcakes and things on it and I notice one really cute little house on the table – it’s made from Twinkies! And now I have the insane urge to make a house out of Twinkies! Yeah, I know, I’m sick in the head. Gotta make lunch for the kids and shove them out the door. Have a great day!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Puke Fest 2 - The Sequel!
Did I say I thought this kid was getting better? I should know better than to tempt the fates. She just puked again. It's the first time today, but still... it's puke and it's again. Luckily this child is not as dramatic in her sickness and I have rarely had the sudden thought that maybe I should take her to the hospital. Still... I'm tired of being the mom right now. I am tired of cleaning up puke and washing towels.
I need a drink. And a vacation with hot sexy people waiting on me hand and foot. I'll settle for a nice cup of coffe right now.
Did I say I thought this kid was getting better? I should know better than to tempt the fates. She just puked again. It's the first time today, but still... it's puke and it's again. Luckily this child is not as dramatic in her sickness and I have rarely had the sudden thought that maybe I should take her to the hospital. Still... I'm tired of being the mom right now. I am tired of cleaning up puke and washing towels.
I need a drink. And a vacation with hot sexy people waiting on me hand and foot. I'll settle for a nice cup of coffe right now.
I've been TAGGED!
I was tagged by the lovely Ash.
Five things you've never revealed on your blog, and then tag five people!
1) My middle name is Lynn and I hate it.
2) I have the worst taste in music. I mean HELL I love Barry Manilow! After all, he writes the songs that make the young girls cry… he writes the songs, he writes the songs.
3) I’d love to be an illustrator of children’s books but I’m very insecure about my artwork and I doubt anyone would want to own it. I’m insecure about my sewing as well.
4) I love my cats but I wish I didn’t have them any more.
5) I’d like to file for the big D very soon.
Now for the TAGGING.
I tag no one and anyone! Do this if you’d like – I would enjoy reading your answers if you feel like doing this.
On to other things, Super Girl seems to feel better today but lethargic. It appears that the actual Puke Fest part Deux was just last night as she hasn't vomited anymore today. Super Girl bounces back from illness much quicker than her sister (no what's that shit about breast fed babies being healtier? This one was my formula baby!). I'm cautiously optimistic that she's nearly over this.
I was tagged by the lovely Ash.
Five things you've never revealed on your blog, and then tag five people!
1) My middle name is Lynn and I hate it.
2) I have the worst taste in music. I mean HELL I love Barry Manilow! After all, he writes the songs that make the young girls cry… he writes the songs, he writes the songs.
3) I’d love to be an illustrator of children’s books but I’m very insecure about my artwork and I doubt anyone would want to own it. I’m insecure about my sewing as well.
4) I love my cats but I wish I didn’t have them any more.
5) I’d like to file for the big D very soon.
Now for the TAGGING.
I tag no one and anyone! Do this if you’d like – I would enjoy reading your answers if you feel like doing this.
On to other things, Super Girl seems to feel better today but lethargic. It appears that the actual Puke Fest part Deux was just last night as she hasn't vomited anymore today. Super Girl bounces back from illness much quicker than her sister (no what's that shit about breast fed babies being healtier? This one was my formula baby!). I'm cautiously optimistic that she's nearly over this.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
When It Rains... Someone Pukes.
Isn't that how it goes? It's not? Well that's how it SEEMS to go at Casa de Karmically Challenged. Super Girl just started puking. One week after Cabbage Patch started her own puke fest, we are back at it. What did I do in my past life to deserve this?!?!?!?!?!
So ANYWAY... Anybody wanna come over for Puke Fest Part Deux? Can't guarantee her head will spin or anything, but I'll bet she can do that Linda Blair/pea soup thing. ;)
Isn't that how it goes? It's not? Well that's how it SEEMS to go at Casa de Karmically Challenged. Super Girl just started puking. One week after Cabbage Patch started her own puke fest, we are back at it. What did I do in my past life to deserve this?!?!?!?!?!
So ANYWAY... Anybody wanna come over for Puke Fest Part Deux? Can't guarantee her head will spin or anything, but I'll bet she can do that Linda Blair/pea soup thing. ;)
A Moment Of Silence Please...
I regret to inform you that after a brave showing that the cupcakes are no more. I too am saddned that their sugary goodness has left this moral coil. Their departure has left me with a great void in my life. The day seems a bit darker and slower without my sweet friend. Poor cupcake, I knew him well.
I regret to inform you that after a brave showing that the cupcakes are no more. I too am saddned that their sugary goodness has left this moral coil. Their departure has left me with a great void in my life. The day seems a bit darker and slower without my sweet friend. Poor cupcake, I knew him well.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Madness of Dreams
I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that has clung to my brain like a sock sticking to a sweater fresh out of the dryer (hmmm… note to self, need to buy dryer sheets) and because it was so interesting (and by interesting I mean fucking bizarre) I felt the need (compulsion) to share it with you.
I was in a department store buying sheets for my bed – which is odd because every single bed in my home has at least 6 sets of sheets for it, no kidding 6 sets of sheets, it borders on obscene. And in the dream I KNEW this yet I stood there with my dream shopping companion debating thread count and cotton type when up come two people – a man and a woman. Apparently I know these people and we chat for a moment, they say something about needing a disguise for something and I’m all “Whatever, I’m buying sheets.” They go away and return shortly in disguise. They look like they came right out of that Dick In A Box video (not appropriate for work) except the girl was done up like the short dark haired guy in the video and it was way obvious that it was a girl dressed in drag – bad drag. The guy looks at the girl and says “Oh yeah, since you are making me do this, I am going to make you go out in public dressed like that.” Then they left the store and I woke up thinking “WTF? Was that Justin Timberlake?” (yeah it was).
Yeah, I know, that made no sense. Your welcome, have a lovely day.
I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that has clung to my brain like a sock sticking to a sweater fresh out of the dryer (hmmm… note to self, need to buy dryer sheets) and because it was so interesting (and by interesting I mean fucking bizarre) I felt the need (compulsion) to share it with you.
I was in a department store buying sheets for my bed – which is odd because every single bed in my home has at least 6 sets of sheets for it, no kidding 6 sets of sheets, it borders on obscene. And in the dream I KNEW this yet I stood there with my dream shopping companion debating thread count and cotton type when up come two people – a man and a woman. Apparently I know these people and we chat for a moment, they say something about needing a disguise for something and I’m all “Whatever, I’m buying sheets.” They go away and return shortly in disguise. They look like they came right out of that Dick In A Box video (not appropriate for work) except the girl was done up like the short dark haired guy in the video and it was way obvious that it was a girl dressed in drag – bad drag. The guy looks at the girl and says “Oh yeah, since you are making me do this, I am going to make you go out in public dressed like that.” Then they left the store and I woke up thinking “WTF? Was that Justin Timberlake?” (yeah it was).
Yeah, I know, that made no sense. Your welcome, have a lovely day.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Watch It! I’m In A Mood!
Luckily it’s a GOOD one. So if you encounter me I’m liable to hug the breath out of you or tell you how cute you look in that shirt today (no really, you look amazing in that. I’ve always liked it. Every time I see you in it I have the urge to lick you. Hmmm? What? Where are you going? I haven’t finished making your cup of coffee. Oh fine, go if you must, you and your tasty shirt!) Yes despite having read the news this morning, having just dealt with 3 days of puking and now being 3 and a half days behind on my crap, I’m still in a GOOD mood. Not even knowing that I have laundry to fold and three more baskets of laundry to wash and dry can dampen my mood! In fact going into the newly cleaned laundry room makes me smile and want to dance with joy! Though I’ll just smile and refrain from the dancing – not much room in there, wouldn’t want to knock something over and make a new mess. Not even looking in the mirror and seeing that my hair looks like the ass end of a llama (a Peruvian long haired llama at that) can depress me (just made me think of knitting a sweater for some reason). I’m not going to let anything knock my mood either – I probably won’t even answer the phone today. I might even change my message to say “Hi, I can’t take your call today because I’m happy and I don’t want you to piss in my Wheaties. Leave a message and I probably won’t call you back.”
Wow, what a great day! I highly recommend that everyone start their day off with some kind of alcoholic beverage. (Oh don’t give me that look, you know I’m lactose intolerant, what else am I supposed to put on my Cheerios? They turn all cute and purple with a good merlot!) And now I’m off to make some coffee and cupcakes! Yes, yes, I am making cupcakes – I’ve had the urge to make cupcakes since Friday so this really crazy good mood has been just waiting to burst forth as we all know that cupcakes (the frosting that is) makes me just a wee bit hyper. I’ll be back later when the sugar buzz is well in place… unless of course I’ve decided to paint my bathroom cabinets… again (don’t ask) or maybe I’ll get on that whole lacquering the cats project. So I’m off! And honestly, you look fabulous today, no I’m not kidding, you do… in fact if you were here I’d probably make out with you while the cupcakes bake. Hmmm? What? Did I say that out loud?
Luckily it’s a GOOD one. So if you encounter me I’m liable to hug the breath out of you or tell you how cute you look in that shirt today (no really, you look amazing in that. I’ve always liked it. Every time I see you in it I have the urge to lick you. Hmmm? What? Where are you going? I haven’t finished making your cup of coffee. Oh fine, go if you must, you and your tasty shirt!) Yes despite having read the news this morning, having just dealt with 3 days of puking and now being 3 and a half days behind on my crap, I’m still in a GOOD mood. Not even knowing that I have laundry to fold and three more baskets of laundry to wash and dry can dampen my mood! In fact going into the newly cleaned laundry room makes me smile and want to dance with joy! Though I’ll just smile and refrain from the dancing – not much room in there, wouldn’t want to knock something over and make a new mess. Not even looking in the mirror and seeing that my hair looks like the ass end of a llama (a Peruvian long haired llama at that) can depress me (just made me think of knitting a sweater for some reason). I’m not going to let anything knock my mood either – I probably won’t even answer the phone today. I might even change my message to say “Hi, I can’t take your call today because I’m happy and I don’t want you to piss in my Wheaties. Leave a message and I probably won’t call you back.”
Wow, what a great day! I highly recommend that everyone start their day off with some kind of alcoholic beverage. (Oh don’t give me that look, you know I’m lactose intolerant, what else am I supposed to put on my Cheerios? They turn all cute and purple with a good merlot!) And now I’m off to make some coffee and cupcakes! Yes, yes, I am making cupcakes – I’ve had the urge to make cupcakes since Friday so this really crazy good mood has been just waiting to burst forth as we all know that cupcakes (the frosting that is) makes me just a wee bit hyper. I’ll be back later when the sugar buzz is well in place… unless of course I’ve decided to paint my bathroom cabinets… again (don’t ask) or maybe I’ll get on that whole lacquering the cats project. So I’m off! And honestly, you look fabulous today, no I’m not kidding, you do… in fact if you were here I’d probably make out with you while the cupcakes bake. Hmmm? What? Did I say that out loud?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Random Thoughts…
That’s a picture of my cat as drawn by Cabbage Patch. Looks just like her also. Except my cat has all four legs… and two eyes… and her tail doesn’t look like a bright orange sausage hanging off a three legged pumpkin with a cat head shaped tumor. Although if she was a three legged pumpkin with a cat head shaped tumor, she probably wouldn’t have tried to kill the guy I’ve been dating! Let me tell you, One nice guy who’s allergic to cats + my two ever so furry felines = a very bad end to the evening. Suffice to say there will be no more dinners hosted at Casa de Karmically Challenged until I’ve gotten the cats lacquered… and all the carpet ripped up… and all my cloth furniture replaced (after the feline lacquering of course). Nothing makes for a memorable date like having one’s eyes swell up. Good times.
Speaking of other GOOD TIMES….
Thursday morning at about 8 am I get a call from the school that Cabbage Patch threw up in the cafeteria and can I come get her. I fetch her from the nurse’s office and let her lay on the couch with a pot to throw up in – just in case. She didn’t really seem all that sick when I picked her up so I figured that she probably wouldn’t need the pot. Oh how wrong I was. My progeny threw up all day long. At one point I tried to get her to walk to the bathroom so I could get her cleaned up and she made it half way there before just giving up and lying on the floor. Oh dear, she was quite sick. I ended up carrying her. Then that night I had her all set up on the couch where I contorted my body onto the foot of the couch so I could watch over her and not bother her too much. She dismissed me about 1 am, telling me to turn off the kitchen light because it bothered her (said in a kind of sick whiney voice) and saying I could go to my bed. Since her fever had broken and her puking had stopped hours ago, I went to bed.
Friday morning I put her in bed with me while Super Girl got ready for school. I figured it would be best to keep her if for no other reason than the fever she had late in the day. Luckily I had the forethought enough to bring her pot into the bedroom and let her sleep on the edge of the bed because she puked about 8:30 am. By 9 am she seemed to be feeling better even though I was still feeling like crap and sore in many places from trying to sleep on a tiny corner of the sofa. I finally got up and got some aspirin. Cabbage Patch opted to stay in my bed the rest of the day. Mid day she started running a fever. *sigh* So I spent the rest of the day going into my bed room every 30 minutes to check her fever and get her to drink some Gatorade. By the time Super Girl got home at 4 pm, she seemed to be feeling a little better though to ask her she would now say “I don’t know” as being this sick is just foreign to her.
She finally moved back to the sofa about 4:30 pm. I’m thinking she’s getting better! YAY! And I’m making plans for us to make cupcakes on Saturday while K is at his big gay convention with his boyfriend.
6:30 pm or so, the puking starts again! Her fever is back also and she’s just lying on the sofa. Time for a consult with someone all knowing and all powerful. Time to call GRANDMA (who just happens to be a doctor)!
After describing the symptoms (me: It’s like a freaking vomitorium over here! Except without the party or the Greeks – just the VOMIT!), Dr. Grandma assured me that she wasn’t dieing, it sounded like a case of this nasty stomach virus going around and as long as she stays hydrated there is no reason to panic (her: *slapping me like that chick in ‘Airplane’* Get a hold of yourself! Surely it can’t be that bad! Me: It’s almost that bad, and don’t call me Shirley!).
Again with the sofa vigil. Again with the back ache this morning.
Today, she’s been on the sofa most of the time. She threw up once this morning – first thing. I spent most of today trying to occupy Super Girl (who’s getting jealous of the attention her sister is getting), check on Cabbage Patch’s persistent fever and continue to make her drink fluids.
I did manage to get my laundry room cleaned out (it was a GREAT way to occupy an 8 year old who I was tired of hear complain about wanting to be sick like her sister) .
And now, I’m hopeful that Cabbage Patch is on the mend. She threw up one more time today, but seemed to be feeling better later – she ate some noodles for dinner and wanted me to give her a manicure and pedicure after – ah the curative powers of sparkly polish. She’s sleeping now, was running a fever an hour ago though.
And me? I’m exhausted, I have a headache and my stomach has been a tad queasy today – I’m thinking it’s probably stress from expending all of my energy worrying about a 5 year old.
Oh and the cutest thing – Cabbage Patch doesn’t really understand what ‘weak’ means so when I asked her if she was feeling weak she said “No, my legs are just sleepy.” And on that note, I’m off to bed because my whole body is feeling a tad sleepy.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mental Spring Break Down
So Spring Break for the Little People started Friday and you know what that means… I spent half of last week crying uncontrollably and drinking heavily in preparation for a week and a day of ‘togetherness’ with my progeny. The other part of the week I spent soliciting people for hand outs of antidepressants and suggestions of what to do with my offspring for ONE WEEK AND ONE DAY.
D and I came to an agreement where in I would take Coco the Wonder Dog and she would take the Tiny Terrorists from today until Tuesday. I’m not sure how that worked out exactly, I don’t remember us gambling and her losing or her being all that drunk recently but who am I to argue! Before noon today she whisked the Tiny Terrorists off to an undisclosed location for terrorist training. (She hinted at it being somewhere South West of here and this time away involving a hotel with an indoor pool and a theme park, but HAH! I know better. I know they are headed for a state of the art terrorist training facility. Bravo D, bravo for getting them in on such short notice. I await their demonstrations of home explosives and cute little My First Manifesto coloring books.) I of course get ALL the FUN! I have Coco and a hankering to dye a dog!
I just returned from the store with a bag full of supplies for coloring a pooch. I promise there will be photos!
I apologize for not posting sooner. No excuses, I just suck that’s all.
As for other news… I’m doing a shit load of spring cleaning since it’s nearly spring and Casa De Karmically Challenged is an utter shit hole. If I don’t post so much in the near future, well that’s probably why. Be forewarned, if you DO decide to send out a search party, I will gladly invite them in and refuse to let them leave until they help with the sorting and putting away and dusting and such.
And other, other news. I interviewed for a JOB a week ago Thursday. This was for a photography job at a big ass photo studio. I did not get said job. Boo hoo. Ah well, it’s no big deal, what with the kids on Spring Break this week I would have had to either kennel the kids while I worked or invest in an ass load of duct tape.
**** Later***
Fuck, well it’s 11:30 pm on Monday and I started writing this on Saturday. I think someone slipped some roofies in my coffee or maybe I took a handful of Bendadryl and passed out for the weekend because I couldn’t manage to get this fucking post done.
Update: D has taken the kids to San Antonio for fun at 6 Flags in SA – which they got thrown out of and D is lucky she didn’t get arrested (all Super Girl’s fault… or should I say Destruction’s fault), paid $35 for a pizza that was all wrong and spent a LONG time on the phone with me (passing the phone to my offspring so that I could promise her that grounding and toilet scrubbing were part of her future when she returns). AMAZINGLY enough D decided NOT to kennel my progeny and took them to the river walk and various other places to have fun today. The Tiny Terrorists apparently decided that they would forgo the crazy pills this morning and they all had a most pleasant day which included them begging for lunch of street vendor hotdogs, taking photos by some eloquent graffiti and requesting tattoos (for which D had to phone me so they both could ask me if they could get one to which I promised them that when they turned 18 they could get any tat they wanted and get whatever they wanted pierced).
But other than that… well I’ve been cleaning today. Tomorrow will be sewing and probably more cleaning and sorting and crap. D is keeping the Little People for another day so YAY! I might actually get something finished!
This is so weird; I keep thinking it’s a day ahead of what it is. I think I’m just going crazy.
Also… I’m totally on the brink of something absolutely wonderful – but I’m not going to talk about it because I’m completely superstitious and I’d totally hate to jinx myself. (Go ahead, laugh at me, it is stupid)
So Spring Break for the Little People started Friday and you know what that means… I spent half of last week crying uncontrollably and drinking heavily in preparation for a week and a day of ‘togetherness’ with my progeny. The other part of the week I spent soliciting people for hand outs of antidepressants and suggestions of what to do with my offspring for ONE WEEK AND ONE DAY.
D and I came to an agreement where in I would take Coco the Wonder Dog and she would take the Tiny Terrorists from today until Tuesday. I’m not sure how that worked out exactly, I don’t remember us gambling and her losing or her being all that drunk recently but who am I to argue! Before noon today she whisked the Tiny Terrorists off to an undisclosed location for terrorist training. (She hinted at it being somewhere South West of here and this time away involving a hotel with an indoor pool and a theme park, but HAH! I know better. I know they are headed for a state of the art terrorist training facility. Bravo D, bravo for getting them in on such short notice. I await their demonstrations of home explosives and cute little My First Manifesto coloring books.) I of course get ALL the FUN! I have Coco and a hankering to dye a dog!
I just returned from the store with a bag full of supplies for coloring a pooch. I promise there will be photos!
I apologize for not posting sooner. No excuses, I just suck that’s all.
As for other news… I’m doing a shit load of spring cleaning since it’s nearly spring and Casa De Karmically Challenged is an utter shit hole. If I don’t post so much in the near future, well that’s probably why. Be forewarned, if you DO decide to send out a search party, I will gladly invite them in and refuse to let them leave until they help with the sorting and putting away and dusting and such.
And other, other news. I interviewed for a JOB a week ago Thursday. This was for a photography job at a big ass photo studio. I did not get said job. Boo hoo. Ah well, it’s no big deal, what with the kids on Spring Break this week I would have had to either kennel the kids while I worked or invest in an ass load of duct tape.
**** Later***
Fuck, well it’s 11:30 pm on Monday and I started writing this on Saturday. I think someone slipped some roofies in my coffee or maybe I took a handful of Bendadryl and passed out for the weekend because I couldn’t manage to get this fucking post done.
Update: D has taken the kids to San Antonio for fun at 6 Flags in SA – which they got thrown out of and D is lucky she didn’t get arrested (all Super Girl’s fault… or should I say Destruction’s fault), paid $35 for a pizza that was all wrong and spent a LONG time on the phone with me (passing the phone to my offspring so that I could promise her that grounding and toilet scrubbing were part of her future when she returns). AMAZINGLY enough D decided NOT to kennel my progeny and took them to the river walk and various other places to have fun today. The Tiny Terrorists apparently decided that they would forgo the crazy pills this morning and they all had a most pleasant day which included them begging for lunch of street vendor hotdogs, taking photos by some eloquent graffiti and requesting tattoos (for which D had to phone me so they both could ask me if they could get one to which I promised them that when they turned 18 they could get any tat they wanted and get whatever they wanted pierced).
But other than that… well I’ve been cleaning today. Tomorrow will be sewing and probably more cleaning and sorting and crap. D is keeping the Little People for another day so YAY! I might actually get something finished!
This is so weird; I keep thinking it’s a day ahead of what it is. I think I’m just going crazy.
Also… I’m totally on the brink of something absolutely wonderful – but I’m not going to talk about it because I’m completely superstitious and I’d totally hate to jinx myself. (Go ahead, laugh at me, it is stupid)
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Just Phoning It In..
hehehehe floating like the foam on top... that's awesome, it sounds somewhat naughty even.
hahahahahah... I look harmless!
What Kind of Coffee are You? |
 You're a Cappicinno! Take this quiz!  Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code |
hehehehe floating like the foam on top... that's awesome, it sounds somewhat naughty even.
 | You scored as midori. sweet and eaisly taken, you are midori. you love to have fun with your close friends and although you look pretty harmless, you can cause damage if you want to!
what alcoholic drink are you (pictures) created with QuizFarm.com |
hahahahahah... I look harmless!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I Love Terrorists!
As if THIS is a shock. I did give birth to The Tiny Terrorists.
Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 81%
You are a terrorist-loving scoundrel who hates our dear leader and the values he defends. There are few redeeming qualities about you. You most likely celebrated when the evil-doers hit us on 9/11, then opposed the Iraq war when we tried to pay them back. You hurt us at every step and cause troops to die in the field by questioning Bush's decisions. You are most likely a lost cause, doomed to be a brainwashed victim of free thought and liberalism forever. No dose of Ann Coulter's prose can save you now.
Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
As if THIS is a shock. I did give birth to The Tiny Terrorists.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
The Girl Scout Cookie Da Vinci Code
I’ve sat here for hours trying to figure this crap out. I’ve had all the forms laid out as I look at the spreadsheet. I’ve cross referenced and added. I’ve counted and figured and the fucking numbers don’t jive. I’ve added the amounts I’ve been paid and the amounts I still have to collect and the numbers DON’T add up. I’ve talked to the Girl Scout cookie person and got the amount of what I SHOULD have left to collect and fuck if it doesn’t add up either. I feel like that guy from the Da Vinci Code. Fucking Girl Scout cookies. I’ve decided that the numbers are BAD and EVIL. That math is a creation by Satan himself and that this particular mathematical error is some dark voodoo meant to drive me to utter insanity. It has worked. Please minions of Satan, just make it stop! I don’t want to be counting boxes and adding figures in my sleep!
I’ve sat here for hours trying to figure this crap out. I’ve had all the forms laid out as I look at the spreadsheet. I’ve cross referenced and added. I’ve counted and figured and the fucking numbers don’t jive. I’ve added the amounts I’ve been paid and the amounts I still have to collect and the numbers DON’T add up. I’ve talked to the Girl Scout cookie person and got the amount of what I SHOULD have left to collect and fuck if it doesn’t add up either. I feel like that guy from the Da Vinci Code. Fucking Girl Scout cookies. I’ve decided that the numbers are BAD and EVIL. That math is a creation by Satan himself and that this particular mathematical error is some dark voodoo meant to drive me to utter insanity. It has worked. Please minions of Satan, just make it stop! I don’t want to be counting boxes and adding figures in my sleep!
Wildlife
This morning when I dropped off K at work I saw not one but TWO COYOTES! Right there off 121 where they are doing a lot of construction. They were so damn cute I just wanted to stop the car and run out to cuddle their cute little furry rabid selves!
I was so excited by my sight of coyotes that I had to call K and tell him. He was just confused at first not understanding what I could possibly be talking about. So I just told him to not get bitten.
More Cuteness!
How about a nice cuddly case of the flu? Or maybe an adorable case of the clap? Don’t look for any penicillin to clear these babies up – you won’t want them to! I want them all! Come on, couldn't you just die from the cuteness of this sweet little heartworm! If you can ignore those eyes, well your heart is a black lump of coal and you eat puppies for breakfast so we can't be friends.
OHHHH! My FAVORITE!!! Someone needs to get me this adorable case of MAD COW DISEASE!!! I am in LOVE!
This morning when I dropped off K at work I saw not one but TWO COYOTES! Right there off 121 where they are doing a lot of construction. They were so damn cute I just wanted to stop the car and run out to cuddle their cute little furry rabid selves!
I was so excited by my sight of coyotes that I had to call K and tell him. He was just confused at first not understanding what I could possibly be talking about. So I just told him to not get bitten.
More Cuteness!
How about a nice cuddly case of the flu? Or maybe an adorable case of the clap? Don’t look for any penicillin to clear these babies up – you won’t want them to! I want them all! Come on, couldn't you just die from the cuteness of this sweet little heartworm! If you can ignore those eyes, well your heart is a black lump of coal and you eat puppies for breakfast so we can't be friends.
OHHHH! My FAVORITE!!! Someone needs to get me this adorable case of MAD COW DISEASE!!! I am in LOVE!
K Needs To Stop Trying To Murder Me
Or
I’m just a stupid ho
The other day K brought home ice cream in the groceries (why do I trust him to shop alone?? When will he learn that chips and queso are NOT a food group??). This shopping trip he brought back much better fare for us as only one meal was completely comprised of fried foods (fish sticks and French fries). But I digress. K brought home ice cream. An obvious attempt to KILL me as I am lactose intolerant AND I lack any self control when said ice cream has ribbons of fudge and is loaded with chunks of brownies (just a note here, that was false advertising – there are the delectable ribbons of fudge but as far as the brownies… well not so LOADED as they promise… but not the less, quite tasty). Yesterday after eating a small bowl of ice cream I lay on the couch wondering if my stomach would explode or if I should practice burping my A-B-C’s. It was painful. I blame K. I blame him for most everything though. I think from now on I should stick to CUPCAKES or COOKIES for my sugar rushes.
Moving on…
Today is a most fabulous and amazing day! I’m so thrilled! It’s so beautiful outside! The temps today are supposed to be in the 70’s!! So you know what that means don’t you?? It means it is warm enough to wear THE SHOES!!!!! I have them on now. (See the picture) I swear the car drove better with new shoes. I love my shoes!
Can you smell me now?
Last night as I prepared a most disgusting dinner of fish sticks and French fries, Cabbage Patch engaged in the most bizarre of behaviors. I walked back into the living room to see her sitting on the sofa in her panties spraying her father’s cologne under her arms, and then rubbing it in. I said to her “Umm… stop that. That’s your daddy’s cologne. It’s not deodorant.” And she said “It smells good!” Crazy child.
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