The After Trick-Or-Treat

Halloween was a blast with the little people. We headed over to hubby's brother's house to do Halloween with his family. Right before we left to go to bro-in-laws, we got a group of trick-or-treaters at our door - kids who were too old to be trick-or-treating and had no costumes on. I made a tacky comment about how all the kids were dressed as the ever popular "Kid From The Projects". I'm glad I wasn't at home to give out candy, it would have pissed me off to have a bunch of teenagers knocking on my door. Hubby, myself and hubby's brother took the kids out trick-or-treating. Sadly there were not that many people doing Halloween this year. A LOT of people had decorations (some very elaborate) but not many people were handing out candy to the little ones, despite that the little people still had quite a haul. We only did three streets total and by the time we were done with the second the kids were starting to complain about the buckets being heavy. When we got back to brother-in-law's house I dumped the kids buckets and sorted the candy - bro-in-law and sis-in-law were giving me shit about how I was organizing the candy in little piles (I've always done this... Even when I was a small child). The people in my old neighborhood give out some kick ass candy. In the sorting I filled up one pumpkin with chocolate and the other with the Twizlers, taffy, Skittles, hard candy, etc. We got exactly 0 pieces of the crappy peanut butter taffy this year! YAY! This year I'm only keeping the candy around for a day, then I'm either throwing it out or sending it (hard candy) to troops in Iraq. The little people had fun playing with their cousin and his dog. Bro-in-law just got wood floors put in his house so it was incredibly LOUD with three kids under 5 running through the house. We grown ups at copious amounts of the 'good' candy while watching Two Towers. About 11:15 pm I told hubby it was time to get the little people off to bed and we left. On our arrival home we discovered that our Sad pumpkin had been pumpkin napped! The lid was there and the Happy pumpkin was there but Sad was gone. Hubby searched the area and found Sad by the fence in front of the creek. It appears that someone had thrown Sad against the fence in a lame attempt to smash sad. Well they suck because all they managed to do was give him a serious head wound. Happy and Sad were reunited and now are safely in the house along with Cat. Fucking kids, brutalizing my pumpkin.


You can see Sad's crack through his face. This is going to require some extreme reconstructive methods.

Happy Halloween!!


I'm so excited! It's Halloween! Woohoo! I get to take the little people out! I had planned to wear this cool black velvet dress and a witch hat but it's too damn hot for the dress so I'll probably wear shorts and the hat and just take the kids out to get candy. I have my kids all dressed up even though it's 2 hours before we can even go - gotta wait on hubby and his brother and all. My girls look so damn cute! I love Halloween! The little people are watching A Nightmare Before Christmas for the 3rd time today - I do love that movie.

And now for a spooky Halloween tale... True tale... Ok... Not very spooky... But I guess it all depends on how you read it...

Penguins At The Party


About 6 years ago hubby and I were invited to a Halloween party. I wrangled the invite from my sister to a party hosted by a friend of hers. We really didn't know many people at the party except for the people that hubby knew from work. Hubby and I had several ideas for costumes and finally settled on being penguins (looking back now, that was just the lamest thing for a fat chick to go as, only worse would be going as an Orca or a pig). As with all really great pre-kid days parties the booze was flowing freely. There was a margarita machine in the garage, lots of beer and mixed drinks in the kitchen and a fridge full of jello shots. I have a severe weakness for jello shots. I used to love jello quite a bit and jello with booze was just a bonus. Someone made a colossal amount of little shots with Everclear. I had a margarita when we first got to the party but didn't really like how it tasted, I ended up sitting on the sofa talking to some people and had hubby bring me jello shots. He brought me 4. Yum. I sucked them down and kept talking a few minutes later I sent hubby for more - he brought 4 more which disappeared as quick as the first ones - hubby got 4 more. We continued this little scenario for a while - I think I sent him to the kitchen 7 or 8 times and each time he brought me 4 jello shots. We finally left the part about 11 pm and I was fine when we left - actually I was surprised that I was fine and didn't even feel tipsy. Hubby kept eyeing me dubiously though. It was about a 30 minute drive from the party to our house and part way home I started feeling drunk - let me explain... All of the sudden I felt DRUNK. I mean REALLY DRUNK. It was all of the Everclear hit my system at the same time. By the time we got home my head was spinning and hubby had to help me out of the car. Hubby had to help me out of my shoes... And my clothes... And to bed... And had to get me a bucket to throw up in, because despite my insistence that I would not throw up, he knew better. Morning came far too soon. I taught Sunday School during that time and insisted that I was fine and could teach even though I still had a buzz and a killer headache. Hubby thought I was nuts, he just waited until I threw up breakfast then called to say that I was to sick to make it. I felt horribly sick the rest of the day, and hubby was such a dear, he didn't make comments about my drunken state at all nor did he do anything to make me feel bad or guilty... He didn't need to. I was so worried that I had made an ass at the party. Monday when my ultra conservative straight laced hubby went back to work he got 4 invitations to parties with the statement of "Bring your wife". I've always wondered just exactly WHAT I did to garner so many invites?

Snow White It Is

Super Girl decided what she wanted to be for Halloween about 2 months ago. She wants to be Snow White. I dislike Snow White so I hoped she would forget it. I tried to sell her on being the Disney Princess she is named after but she insisted on being Snow White. I left her alone about it for a while in the mistaken belief that she would forget about Snow White and I could make the little people matching princess dresses. No. Tonight I was chatting with hubby about what to do - should I get out the fabric and pattern and whip out a dress tonight or go get the blasted Snow White costume for her. Hubby said I should spend the $19.95 for the costumes for the little people. *sigh* Snow White it is. I know it's the best thing really as I would feel horribly guilty for making her wear a costume she didn't want to wear - like I always had to do growing up - and hubby, well he's been having flash backs to when he was little his mom made him wear a bunny costume one year and he has never fully recovered from that horrific experience. I'll be a good mom and let her wear the crappy store bought costume instead of an absolute master piece made by me (yes I could make a fabulous costume for her tonight).

Crack Whore Pussy

My cat has a problem. She's an addict and I suspect that she's like most addicts and would do just about anything to get a fix, even whore herself out. I know, your asking just what my cat is jonesing for, it's Pounce. Yesterday when I went to WalMart I purchased a little bag of Kitty Crack - Pounce , little did I know the powerful addictive powers of Kitty Crack!

When we got home I gave Sunshine some treats. She was all over the Kitty Crack - even willing to turn tricks! I made her stand on a chair. She wanted her crack so much she was grabbing my hand for it! She would even lick my fingers after she got the treat - even bite them! My cat is an addict!!!!


Sunshine, Kitty Crack Whore
I'm going to need to find a rehab program for my cat.

Saying Stupid Things

Being a parent affords me the grand luxury of saying completely moronic things with utter and complete impunity. Today's gem - "Don't just stand there sticking that duck in your mouth."

Loud Shit

Monday night I went to bed at my usual time, midnight... Well I intended to go to bed at midnight but while I was getting ready for bed I heard my neighbor turn on her stereo. She was playing her music loud enough that I could tell that it was country music and what song was playing. Oh great. So I figure I'll do some much needed waxing for a bit, surely they won't be listening at this deafening level for long. As I stood in the bathroom smearing myself with hot wax I listened as my neighbors talked.. No shouted to each other over the music, then the music changed from country which I can live with to obnoxious heavy metal then abruptly to even more obnoxious rap music, someone else arrived at their apartment and talked equally loudly and then thankfully the music ended and I think they all left. Only a bit over an hour past when they started playing their music so loud. Great... I had to get up at 6 am on Tuesday so I was really appreciative of the music. I wish I could figure when they sleep so I could serenade them with music.

Strange Happenings

So out of the clear blue my ceiling fan in my living room breaks. I hear a odd noise and turn to see the fan slowing down, then it makes a couple more noises accompanied by some flashes of electrical activity near the motor of the fan and the damn thing just stops - I of course turned off the fan at the wall then. I blame hubby for this (part of the marriage contract) as he changed the light bulb in the light part of the fan last night. I don't know if the light still works, but I'm not willing to find out right now either... I'm hesitant to turn the fan on again - not anxious for any more electrical light shows. *sigh* so tomorrow I'll put in a work order at the office.

Revenge On Goldilocks

So yesterday I get home from work and what do I find? 3 bears in my bed napping! Well really one pappa bear and two baby bears. Hubby and the girls decided that since I have the nicest (ang biggest) bed in the house they would all take their naps in MY bed. After a quick lunch and peep at my e-mail I joined them for a restless nap until I finally had enough and kicked them ALL out of my bed so I could nap. Sheesh - THIS is why I sleep alone! I want to SLEEP!

MOVIE REVIEW
Gangs Of New York


This is a REALLY LONG movie - but a DAMN good movie. It's violent and very bloody and I doubt it's historically accurate in other than a wide sweeping way not in a specific incident way. I'm not going to explain exactly what the movie is about, (go here if you want that) except to say that what I thought the movie was about wasn't really what it was about and I didn't really figure out the BIG PICTURE until the VERY end of the movie and I sat there going "Ohhhhhhhhhh.... that's what that was about..." That said, I never at any time had the "What the hell is this movie about?" feeling. We rented this movie a couple of weeks ago and just NOW got around to watching it. I wish I had watched it sooner because I really did enjoy the movie.

The actors: Daniel Day Lewis - I love just about everything this man has ever done. I'm constantly in awe of how he changes from role to role. Leonardo DiCaprio is in this movie as well - I'm not a big DiCaprio fan at all, I generally avoid seeing movies that he is in, although my nephew drug me to see Catch Me If You Can last year and I enjoyed that, I didn't feel that DiCaprio was an exception actor but he worked in the movie. Anyway, he was exceptional in the movie, I was quite surprised. The cast of supporting characters were fabulous also - very believable. I loved the costumes and scenery. My only kvetch - Cameron Diaz was somewhat miss cast. She's lovely and all but not a really strong actress, I got the impression that she was cast for her pretty face rather than her acting ability - luckily she didn't really distract from the complex story. Oh yeah one other thing, Liam Neeson was only in a VERY small part of the movie!

It's a movie well worth seeing if you can handle the violence and blood.

A Picture I Worth 1000 Words

I love my job, really I do. I have never had a job that gave me such immense opportunities to meet so many people from so many different back grounds. I’ve mentioned before how sometimes people will make an indelible impression on me, most recently that was Hope. Yesterday it was a woman I’ll call Star because that fits her bright and shining personality.

Celestial Being

Yesterday morning I walked into the room of a woman who had a last name so long and unpronounceable it makes me feel ignorant knowing that even if I saw it again I’d never recognize it or be able to say it. She sat in her bed feeding her baby as I asked her if she was interested in getting hospital photos of her new son. She looked up at me as she asked me questions and I saw how beautiful she was, perfect olive skin with big dark eyes and a radiant smile. Her dark wavy hair was pulled back. Star is the embodiment of the phrase ‘Exotic Beauty’. She spoke slowly and had an accent I had trouble placing. I returned with my camera when she had finished feeding her son and we chatted as I took her information and dressed the baby. This was her third child, first son. She and her husband hadn’t decided on a name for him yet. She wasn’t sure if there was an outfit for the baby and was delighted when a quick peek into the closet revealed the brand new outfit. As I positioned the baby for photos I asked her where she was from, she said Northern Iraq, that she was Curdish. I had to turn to look at her and she repeated herself as I’m sure I had an extremely ignorant look on my face. I asked her how long she’s been here, 10 years. She said her family is still in Iraq and she doesn’t know how they are. She briefly mentioned how hard it was in Iraq for her and her family, how they fled Iraq because the Curdish people were hated, how they walked to Turkey, how Turkey didn’t want them because they were Curdish and from Iraq and how it was terribly difficult to get to the US. Star spoke of her sister who had journeyed to the US with her but for some reason went back to Iraq. She told of how she left because of the racial hatred and war in Iraq and how the war had lasted so very long and how she would not go back. Star worried about her sister and her family in Iraq, that she didn’t know how they are right now because there are no phone lines, but she was glad things were changing. I wanted to ask her a million more questions most of them probably politically incorrect, but I wanted to know more about her and how she got here. I wanted her to keep talking so I could memorize her lovely voice. I wanted to touch her beautiful face just to see if she was real, maybe some of her beauty would rub off on me. I didn’t, it was time for me to go. Star thanked me profusely for taking the time to explain to her how she could order later, I thanked her for our conversation and congratulated her for her new baby. And it was over, it all took maybe 20 minutes, but I learned so much, she’s the first Iraqi that I’ve met and the first Curd also.

here I am up to early with an acidy stomach... this is what I'm passing time with now...





Hmmm.. I'm not sure if it makes me feel better or worse about this site!

(moments later)

The things I do as I sit in the wee hours of the morning waiting for the raging inferno within my gut to subside enough to grant me a couple more hours of blessed sleep.

I guess I should be disturbed, I checked all the other blogs I read to see if anyone had a more EVIL blog than mine and NO ONE DID. Sasoozie has a blog that is just as middle of the road EVIL as mind but no one else has a blog that is more EVIL. Bah! Curses! Curses on you all! - except Sasoozie.

List

I really should be in bed - I have to be up in about 4 and a half hours to have a garage sale! YIKES! I've been sorting and marking since 8:30 pm!

Anyway - since hubby seems to be at a loss for pressie ideas I thought I would do him a favor and make a list so that when the holidays arrive he won't be panicking at the last moment standing in the Exxon trying to decide if I'd rather have a lighter with a woman that strips when warmed or a decorative hillbilly cowboy with a bovine standing on the state of Texas shot glass.

And now in no particular order, here is the list (and by no means is this to imply that this is an exclusive list of things that I want nor a complete list - I do like to be some what surprised from time to time).

Suggestions of Gift Items For Judy

Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaimen
Wolves In The Wall by Neil Gaimen
A night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen
Another night in a cheap motel with Neil Gaimen (kind of like a sequel if you will)
Shiny Things (i.e. Jewelry – charms are good)
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy undies
Gift Certificate to place to buy sleazy toys
Gift Certificate to place to get sleazy men
The ‘Perfect’ Red Shoes (I know… this one is just a myth)
Viking Princess Barbie
Holiday Barbie
Birthstone Barbie
Wonder Woman Barbie
Just about collectibleable Barbie
Gift Certificate to get a manicure and pedicure
Gift Certificate to get a massage
Gift Certificate to get massager... oh wait that's covered in the sleazy toys request
Art supplies
Sting’s latest CD
Sting
Pretty stationary
Hot hunky (literary) man to date
Gift Certificate to half price books
3 or 4 hours a week just to myself
Maid service
Gigolo Service

But It's Useful!

Last night my husband was having an out of mind experience. He came home and told me he knew what he was going to get me for a present - SHOES! Now I LOVE shoes and the thought of getting shoes could make me smile even if you had just shaved my cat bald (ok... That would probably be somewhat funny on it's own), but I had a FEELING that I needed to ask more about these shoes. So I asked the important question right up front "Are they pretty?" he said no... This is how the conversation went:

Him: But they are supposed to be the most comfortable shoes...
Me: (cutting him off) But are they pretty?
Him: Just think of how nice it will be to come home after a long day on your feet and how great they will feel!
Me: Are we talking orthopedic shoes? Old people shoes? What do I look like? Why do I want Ugly Shoes???
Him: Your feet will feel like they've been massaged - even after your long day on your feet!
Me: (starting to think he was brainwashed by the shoe manufacturer) Why... Do... I... Want... Ugly... Shoes?
Him: but they are comfortable! Someone at the meeting had them on and were just raving about how comfortable they are!
Me: Why do you want to buy me ugly shoes?
Him: Because they are useful?
Me: Since when have you ever bought me a present because it was useful?
Him: (thinking) um.. Never
Me: And what makes you think that after 11 and a half years you should change this? Don't buy me ugly shoes. Buy me pretty, shiny, funny... But not ugly shoes.

(later after looking up the shoes on the internet) Me:Shit! Those are UGLY!
Him: But they are comfortable
Me: Yeah and they cost $169 for ugly!
Him: Yikes! You're not getting the shoes.

Men need a 'shopping for women' class sometimes.

Darn That Sock!

Tonight when I went to put the little people down (for the 4th time) Cabbage Patch had Monkey Sandwich, it seems that Monkey Sandwich is suffering a separated shoulder... Or should I say a separation of the shoulder - her arm is nearly off. Cabbage Patch was upset about this 'boo-boo'. I told her I needed to fix Monkey Sandwich and asked her if she wanted me to fix it tonight to which she replied 'No!' and snuggled the monkey close. Looks like I'll be darning a sock (monkey) soon... And I thought I'd never be doing something like that...

Pain

I've got a desperately bad sinus headache at the moment. So bad that I even let hubby drug me... No, no, I begged him to drug me. I'm just sitting here waiting for this stuff to kick in and make me sleepy. It's almost 8:30 pm and I'm contemplating turning in for the evening - that is how freaking bad my head hurts. I'm a little afraid that I'm going to screw up my sleep schedule and end up sitting here at 4 am trying to pass the time until a sane hour to start doing laundry and vacuuming the livingroom.

More Sock News

No, no I haven't magically found my missing socks (although I think I will try Sasoozie's suggestion of washing all the singletons together in hopes of their mates showing up.... G-d only knows why that would work, but for some reason it sounds reasonable to me... Maybe it's jealously that will lure the missing socks out... Or maybe socks enjoy being in the dryer... Kind of like a party... And the sounds of a party lures them out... ya know kind of like how the sounds of drunken slutty women attracts sleazy men.. Or vice versa). This morning it was a bit chilly in my livingroom so I slipped on some socks... A red one and a purple one. My feet were toasty yet uncoordinated.

A Sock Of A Different Kind


Recently my sister asked for her sock monkey that I had made for her. I made Monkey Sandwich (the sock monkey's name) back in May or June and Monkey Sandwich has resided here ever since. During this time, Monkey Sandwich has gone from sitting on my entertainment center shelf and now resides somewhere upstairs in the little people's room. (insert dramatic music here) All of the trappings that I had attached to Monkey Sandwich are long gone - the hair, the fringe skirt, the bright red ribbon... All lost and forgotten. The other day when D asked to take possession of Monkey Sandwich I had to tell her no. Tonight when hubby put the little people to bed he came down and told me how Cabbage Patch loves "That Sock Monkey" so much. So D, I'm sorry, I can't grant you custody of Monkey Sandwich - you're going to have to get a court order to get that damned sock monkey! (or just ask me to make you another one)

One Last Sock

Somehow I know that the whole missing sock thing is hubby's fault (I'm allowed to say everything is his fault - it's in the marriage contract) - and as retaliation I plan to raid his sock drawer and make a bunch of angry albino sock monkeys out of his socks. Then I'll sneak into his room late one night and scatter the angry albino sock monkeys around his room and wait for the screams the next morning. Oh yeah... I'm evil... evil to the bone... (ok, maybe just really bizarre and mischievous)

Hmmm... I think maybe this medicine is kicking in now... I should stop posting now... Go work on my manifesto or something... ;o)

Transient Socks

This morning I took 15 precious minutes to search for matching socks - any socks, just as long as there are two of them. I finally found two that were similar enough (same color) to wear. I hate that. I have a love hate relationship with socks. I love cute socks, warm socks, soft socks, short socks, fuzzy socks, colored socks, white socks - I do love socks, I especially love having socks when I want socks. But I hate socks also. I don't really like wearing socks all the time - my feet prefer the freedom of nakedness or a pair of slip on shoes for near nakedness. Hell I stay home with my kids 5 days a week, I don't' have to wear shoes. When I do wear shoes I prefer it to be pretty shoes that don't require socks but occasionally it is shoes that do require socks and then I'm back to where I was this morning - sock searching. I've bought hundreds of pairs of socks over the years and the same damn thing happens with all of them. After a while I end up not being able to find matching pairs. Sometimes my socks would end up in the sock drawer of the Emperor of Socks' (aka hubby) and I would have to search them out among all the long white athletic socks. I tried for a while to buy only colored socks for myself to make it easier for my socks to be separated from his socks and therefore not end up trapped in his drawer, but that didn't work either, I still had to go on search and rescue sock missions and eventually I would never see my brightly colored socks again... Well at least not as a pair. I kept buying the SAME kind of socks for myself for a few years, my thought was that even if I lost some, since I already had several half pairs, I would be able to find at least a few socks to match up. Wonderful theory, but not something that actually works in the REAL world. I still can NOT manage to find a pair of MY socks! I found a cream colored sock with flowers, a red sock, a white sock, a short white sock with a cow on it, a purple sock, a black and white cow spotted sock and a dark blue sock. Grrr... Yesterday I had managed to get terribly lucky and find a matching pair of white and pink socks in my drawer (why the hell didn't I play the lottery yesterday!!!) - I haven't a clue how they got IN the drawer - I honestly do NOT recall putting them in there, nor to I recall seeing them in there before yesterday morning and I have been in that drawer just about every morning so I should know what's in there. After 15 minutes of searching this morning I managed to find a sock of hubbys that looked similar enough to one of mine and that's what I wore. I generally take a pair of his from the laundry but there weren't any socks in the dryer today. Why is it that all of MY socks disappear and all of hubby's socks seem to stay find able. That man has probably a hundred pairs of socks!!! I don't know why he buys them... I don't even remember him buying THAT many socks! Where do his come from???? Is he some how turning MY socks into his socks? Is there some kind of Evil Sock Magic going on here? Is my husband practicing the art of Black Sock Magic????

um... What the hell?... Better go to bed now...

Living On The Edge

Well if you think getting a tattoo is 'walking on the wild side' just read this. Today me and the little ones got a bath. I realized I needed to shave my legs - I sometimes meet my sancho on Friday nights. There's nothing more dangerous than holding a razor to your freshly washed skin while two hyper children splash around you. So here I was all soaped up, snapping at the little people to be still while I attempted to remove unwanted hair from my body - and just between you and I, that's a lot of hair. I don't really like to shave in the tub, although the tub is more convenient for some areas than others but I still don't really like it. Shaving in the shower is better but more rushed as we don't have a large hot water tank - that's always special, shaving one leg in the nice hot water then rushing to finish the other before I get goose bumps, and don't even think of shaving the pubes in a cold shower! And the worst part of shaving - in the tub with kids or rushed in the shower is when you miss a part and end up with a mohawk up the side of one leg. I mean other areas of the body can be hidden or hell you can just pretend you meant to make it that shape, but not your leg. So there I was taking my life in my own hands, trying to shave with the kids bumping me. Somehow I did manage to get it done with no blood loss and I seem to have gotten all the unsightly hair as well. *sigh* the things I do to make a booty call.

You are Form 4, Gargoyle: The Fallen.

"And The Gargoyle mended his wings from the
blood of the fallen so he could rise up from
imprisonment. With great speed and
resourcefulness, Gargoyle made the world his
for the taking."

Some examples of the Gargoyle Form are Daedalus
(Greek) and Mary Magdalene (Christian).
The Gargoyle is associated with the concept of
success, the number 4, and the element of wood.
His sign is the new moon.

As a member of Form 4, you are a creative and
resourceful individual. You are always
thinking of possible solutions to problems you
face and you generally choose one that is
right. Much of your success comes from your
ability to look at things a little differently
than everyone else. Gargoyles are the best
friends to have because they don't always take
things for face value.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

G-D I LOVE THE WORLD WE LIVE IN!

Damn the internet rocks! Where else can you get an At-Home DNA Paternity Testing Kit!

Activism Gone Too Far...



Let me explain this... The sticker above says 'Cruelty Free Circus'. Last week I got a bunch of materials (including the above stickers) for a group that protests circus' as cruel to animals. I'm actually torn as to whether to support an organization like this or enjoy the circus. I really do think that circus' and other types of entertainment venues that force animals to perform are cruel, I'm not even all that keen on zoos... But I have to admit I do love to see the circus and the zoo. So I'm a hypocritical animal rights protester. Anyway, the little people have LOVED the info from the anti-circus people - especially the stickers! Tonight after the little people were off to bed, hubby said "Judy... Look at your cat." I did. The laughter was great. I told him to put the cat down for now, I had to get a picture before we pulled that off. Notice the pissy cat expression. Lucky for Sunshine the sticker came off pretty easily - one swift yank by me, and since she has been getting her winter coat in, she didn't really loose a noticeable amount of fur. And the lesson for tonight... Cats are NOT a good place for a bumper sticker!