*cue dramatic music*
The STAR WARS PARTY

All day Friday I was making plans for the party that night. My plan was to head to Shaz' place as soon as K got home and party. Well I didn't realize K had plans for ME to take him and the Little People to the train station so they could head over to B's house. Fuck. That's cutting into my dranking time! Okay, okay, new plan. Rush around finding clothes for kids and missing shoe, drive family to train station and dump them, head to store for pasta salad stuff, back home make pasta, pick up all important CAMERA and head to PARTY!!

I got there about 8 pm. When I got out of my carI was greeted by a chorus of 'DORK!' from the people on the porch - damn I love my DORK shirt! Most of the peeps were in the living room watching a movie.

Crystal

I don't think she was drunk yet, just happy.

Get The Party Started!

As we all know, the party can't start until Shaz's boobs have made an appearance.

I headed to the kitchen to hang with the girls and start DRINKING! I started with a couple (4 or 5) Jell-o shots.

DORK


I moved on to some green concoction to drink and proceded to get fairly drunk.

Boobie Greeting

Here's me and Riot doing a traditional Drunk-Girl-Boobie-Greeting. Hey, what can I say, we were drunk and discussing BOOBS and boob size. Not long after that I discarded my bra and handed it to someones husband to take care of.

The Grail

Here's a dramatic BEFORE and AFTER shot of some Jell-o shots.

Twins Attack!

Things got all dicy when I got attacked by the twins!

Fur Bikini

And since we were so BOOB focused that night, I got Lerxst to show off what I fondly refer to as his Fur Bikini (a little hair on the nipples and a tiny patch in between).

Crotch Brownies

Man I can't even explain this without it sounding realy fucking perverted! But let me tell you, those brownies were GONE by Saturday.

Lick It!

Seems the plan for the frozen peach wine did't work out as planned. Kind of exploded in the freezer! Can't let that go to waste - it's good! No dawg, don't make that face, you know you want some now and you KNOW you would have been licking it off the door just like the rest of us drunk mutha fuckers.

Don't Waste It!

Yeah we ate it up off the floor too. 10 second rule, it was okay.

My Sustah an' Me

Look at that, two Ghetto Princesses!

I Am A Jedi Knight

Oh yeah baby! That sword light up and VIBRATED when you hit it. VIBRATED!!! I so need me a lightsaber. I guess I'll have to continue my Jedi training with my compact version of lightsaber that I like to call BOB.

It was a VERY boob filled night, there was flashing of boobs on the porch (I have photos, no you can't see them), tweeking of nipples and grabbing of boobies in the kitchen. And hell that was just MINE! ;o)

Well anyway, it was a FABULOUS party. I finally turned in at 1:30 am or there abouts. Thanks to Captain John and The Wife for letting me crash in their camper as I was far to drunk to drive - sorry I left you without a bed partner Shaz, but it was LOUD in the house. hehe. Amazingly I got up right at 6:30 am and headed home to get ready for work.

Enough about the party for now, I'll write about Saturday tomorrow. Enjoy the photos (stop thinking about boobies), I need to go practice my Jedi moves. ;o)

RODENT PROBLEMS

We interupt this regularly scheduled post about the kick ass party and gathering and a posting of fablous photos to deal with RODENT PROBLEMS. My mouse broke last night and luckily K had a ancient Flinstones style mouse (even has little feet underneath) so I can post, but the fucker is all weird and it's making editing my photos take FOREVER (took me an hour to fix red eye on two photos!!!). So todays mission is to drag the kids to the store in a few moments and procure a NEW MOUSE... maybe even a new keyboard since I messed up the shift key on the left side with a coffee incident. ANYWAY- STAY TUNED! Awesome photos to come! Party details! What a rockin' weekend it was!

Party Part 1

I got to the party at almost 8 last night. Plenty of people already there. I got Jell-o shots right away. Chocolate cherry.. mmmmm Creme brule... mmmmm... I had several, got a drink of something green. I played with the giant light up vibrator.. er.. I mean Lightsaber. I am a Jedi damnit. Didn't watch the movie, sat in the kitchen talking and getting drunk . Went to sleep at after 1 am, too drunk to drive, slept with Captain John and Heidi - on a separate bed, ya perv! Nasty sinus headache hit at 2:30 am. Got up at 6:30 am to head home and go to work. Now I'm working. Not to self... stop flashing the boobs. Photos posted later.

Back to work now, off to Ben's later.

Party! Party! Party!

Today has been a MUCH better day. The whining has been very low today. The toilet has behaved all day and I'm going to a PARTY tonight and tomorrow night! So despite having done laundry a good portion of the day, I'm all happy because I'll be with my friends very soon! So as soon as K get's home I'm going to zip out of the house and maybe I'll see him and the wee ones Sunday sometime.


Judyism

Lately I've had the ex men contacting me wanting to make a hook up (or booty call). It's quite flattering. First thing this morning, Marine was telling me he wanted to fuck me. That's so damn touching! I talked to Carpenter just 10 minutes later talking all sweet and shit. It's all about me and the worship of ME.

PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!

Well I need to go get a shower and gather my clothes. I'm bringing my camera to the party so there WILL be pictures. Since I'll be drinking theres no telling what they'll look like, so please forgive if they are just a bunch of blurry shots of feet.

Do Over!

I call a do over on this day. Not that it's been a BAD day, it just hasn't been a GOOD day. Let me tell you about it.

This morning for some gawdforsaken reason the Little People felt the need to be up just a bit after 7 am. Now mind you, most mornings for the past 2 weeks they have gotten up somewhere between 7:45 am and 8 am. Not today, the day I was hopeing and praying, COUNTING on them sleeping in. Hell it's summer vacation! Why can't they get the concept of SLEEPING IN??? So no, not today, not since I challenged karma directly by staying up until nearly 2 am. They were up and they were ENERGETIC. I got up and did the mom stuff, checked e-mail, read news and looked at the photos from last night. Too damn funny. I opened software to fix red-eye. No, no, I TRIED to open the software to edit my photos and it didn't open. DAMNIT! I tried all the photo editing software I have on here and for some fucked up reason nothing was working or nothing removed red-eye eaisly enough for me. *sigh* I search for an updated version of some of my software then downloaded. And lucky for me it took for freaking EVER to get it downloaded, but on the flip side it was surprisingly easy to use and took like 5 minutes to edit all my photos. Then the Tiny Terrorist refused to go to the park today, opting instead to play noisly and be bratty indoors where it's cool. I had the JOY AND RAPTURE of getting to plunge the fucking EVIL toilet AGAIN. (note to self... prepare voodoo ritual and candles) Later in the afternoon, I went upstairs to check on them playing in their room and nearly had a fucking heart attack as I walked in to Super Girl with the window WIDE OPEN sitting on the window sill with the screen popped out. Good lord! Don't they know the air conditioning is on... oh and they could fall out and DIE! DAAAAMNNNN!!! Down the stairs we go and both offspring stood in corners while I had a shot to calm my nerves (yeah right, like I'm lucky enough to have anything hard around here). Now I've spent most of this day refereeing fights and weggie giving matches (no that's not a joke) and herding crayoned papers back into the proper place (the trash). I've repeated everything I've said at least 5 times and I'm seriously considering serving cold cereal for dinner just so I don't have to fuck with making dinner.

I want a do over! Or a nice stiff drink.

Chammy & Riggor's Farewell Party/Karaoke Night

What a great turn out we had, saddly it was to say goodbye to Chammy & Riggor. *sigh* It was a great deal of fun and it got a little sad knowing that they were leaving. Oy! I'm all farklempt right now just thinking about it. Go on, talk among yourselves, look at the pictures.

The Party Can Begin, Shannon's Boobs Are Here.


Is That FEAR on Jerry's Face?

And he should be, he's right next to the legendary BOOB OF DOOM!!!

Hot Chicks

I don't need to expand on that, they are hot.

The Amazing Hat

And doesn't he look dashing in the hat? Now I want one like that - in black though.

Chammy Brought A Friend!

Paul had no clue he was doing that. Paul, baby I'm sorry, it was far to funny to NOT capture on film though.

That's a WHAT???

You do NOT want to know whose BUTT that's been up!

Arrrrgh! Captain Dork!

At last it was my turn to wear the hat! Well so I'm not so dashing in the hat... but I did get to wear it!

Assault With A Deadly Weapon

Thoes feathers will never be the same!

Okay, That's Just Wrong

And frightening, very, very frightening.

Headbanging

Aren't they cute?

And Finally...

THE END! Well at least Chammy's END.

It was a great get together. Sad to bid our friends farewell. As I hugged Chammy goodbye I mentioned how I would miss him and how it seemed like I was just now getting to know him and he said "And I brought you into this group." and I could have just cried. I'm happy he's found someone he loves as much as Heart. I'm so sad that he's moving away though!!! Heart we just ask that you and he come visit OFTEN. I'd really hate to have to get my posse together to go down there and put some hurt on you girl. I'm kidding, I'd never do that - but a voodoo doll, yeah that's more my style. ;o)

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm tired today and I have a HEADACHE. Someone bring me chocolate and a Grande Starbucks frappichino NOW!!

Oh yeah... my favorite comment made to me by someone "You're too pretty to be single." hehe how could I argue with that?

Photos To Come!

Last night at karaoke was a fucking riot. I have photos to prove it. They will be up shortly, I got to finish removing the evil red eye. Everyone looks like it was posession night at the rose.

So hold your horses, I'll have an update soon.

MOVIE REVIEW
DOGMA

Yeah I know, a lot of people are saying "Yo Judy, what's the deal? That movie came out like 6 years ago, what's up with seeing it just now?" Well there are a couple of reasons, see back when I was 19 I dated this guy for a year - Psycho Ex (he really was psycho, I'm not being mean. Nice guy, just not all there all the time), every weekend we would go to a movie and dinner (Bennigans). It rarely changed unless he felt the need to defile his pastor father's home by having sex with his heathen girlfriend (me) - then we'd rent a movie. By the end of that year I was sick of sitting through movies, especially if the evening was going to be finished off with mediocre food and moderate sex. But I digress, I just didn't like sitting through movies all that much, so after Psycho Ex, I saw about one movie in the theater a year. K learned to pick and choose his movies well as a fucking awful movie would be bitch about by me for an endless amount of time (Titanic). Another reason I never saw Dogma, well 6 years ago I was busy with a new baby. Let me tell you, that first year was crazy, baby's don't come with instruction manuals ya know, so I was just kind of flying by the seat of my pants (like I still am). Movies just weren't on the agenda. I don't think K and I went out minus the offspring until she was 18 months old. New parents. So... Anyway.. That's why.. Now back to the movie...

So I have seen one other Kevin Smith movie and was left unimpressed. I watched Clerks with a group of friends (who freaking recited the dialog like my children do with Disney movies - good lord) started watching with the anticipation that this was going to be a GREAT movie as everyone there seemed to know it word for word (eyes roll up in head now). There were some genuinely hilarious moments in the movie and a few moments of perfect clarity and insightfulness, but nothing else. They should have kept those 20-30 minutes and burned the rest. I watched to the end just to fulfill my curiosity about the movie, but in the end it was like so many men I've dated, sounded promising in the beginning, but left me wanting more and going home to fulfill my needs myself.

Now had that been the only Kevin Smith thing I had seen, I never would have watched Dogma, but it wasn't. At the New Years Eve party, people watched An Evening With Kevin Smith and oh my fucking gawd, that was funny. I had no insight into any of his movies and I was laughing my ass off. Now fast forward to a few months ago. For some reason I'm online looking for movies and I decide to dl Dogma and a few others of his. Fast forward to Monday night, nothing to do, nothing to watch, I scan the dl's and see Dogma. I knew nothing about the movie at all. I told K it was supposed to be good - I'm not sure if I actually had heard that or if I just wanted to convince him to watch it.

Wow. That really was a great movie. The take on the movie seems to be from a Catholic back ground so not all of the theology (Christianity or Catholicism) is part of my belief system but since I am familiar with it, I understood the message of the movie and laughed at the jokes (maybe more than if I had actually been Catholic). Now I could ruin the whole damn movie right now and tell you what it's about, but that would suck. It's well worth watching, especially if you put aside the part of you that would be offended by religion being made light of and George Carlin as a priest. All the laughing is great and there's message that's worth getting. I felt both amused and enlightened.

Nuf' said. Next movie.

Madagascar

Tonight because the pool was closed for undisclosed reasons we took the Little People to see Madagascar. It was funny, not hilarious, but funny. The offspring were entranced enough to actually sit through the entire movie without even one potty break. Amazing. (I swear I had to see Shrek 2 with grown up so I could see the whole freaking movie uninterrupted.) There were some jokes that were aimed at the adults and I always appreciate when that's done (it's hell sitting through a Barbie movie because NOTHING is aimed at the adults, *gag*). The Planet Of The Apes reference was quite funny to me.

Not a bad movie, I won't feel like jabbing my eyes out with red hot spoons when we have it on DVD and it's played 13 times in the first 48 hours. I think I'll still find a few things to chuckle about.

AND... Another movie...

While I was making dinner the Little People rummaged through the video tapes and found Wizard of Oz. I told them they could watch it if they wanted. It was amusing to hear them get all excited because the beginning of the movie is in black and white. hehehe.. Then they got all excited when it went to color. We continued watching it while we ate dinner (fuck, don't look at me like that, you know most of you do the same damn thing so kiss my ass). I tried to convince the progeny that they had been brought to us by winged monkeys and we had to keep checking them to make sure they didn't sprout wings or tails but they pointedly ignored us and focused on the movie. Damn, I'm raising my children right, a good dose of skepticism is healthy at an early age. No matter I have a new goal for this summer, and that is to eventually convince either Super Girl or Cabbage Patch that they really are winged monkey spawn.

At any rate it was cute to see my offspring enjoy the movie I loved so well as a child.

Now I'm off to bed, can't keep BOB waiting forever ya know... Well actually I can, but that's beside the point. I'm off!

Too Funny

As everyone knows, my offspring adore Captain John. Super Girl is more enamored with Captain John than Cabbage Patch. Just a moment ago as I was chatting with Heidi she sent a link to something, Super Girl who was sitting in my lap said "Why did you go to that page?" and I said "Because Heidi sent it to me." her response was "Heidi... the wife?" I had to stifle a giggle at her elementary school jealously. Heidi don't be surprised if she pulls your hair and takes your crayons when you are over next. ;o)

How To Charm The Crap Out Of Me...

Send me an e-mail saying "Did you realize how much Cabbage Patch's smile looks like yours?" Knowing full well how mental I am about the fact that my progeny look nothing like me. Okay, now that you've buttered me up what do you want from me?

Nature Day

This morning after breakfast I took the Little People on a walk around the lake. Sounds simple right? Well it wasn't. It all SEEMED like it would go smoothly and for the first time since Super Girl has been off for Summer Vacation my plans would come to fruition without a hitch. But that was a short lived hope of mine. I informed the Little People of the PLANS while they ate their eggs. After breakfast I told them to get dressed, Super Girl did as requested and got dressed, Cabbage Patch on the other hand stripped naked, lay down on the sofa, pulled an afghan on her and continued to watch cartoons. I made a few more requests then told Super Girl to go select clothing for her sister and informed Cabbage Patch that whatever sister selected she would HAVE to wear. Then I went to get dressed and put my hair up.

When I returned from the bathroom (which is still shiny and clean and vaguely smells of Clorox) Cabbage Patch had not moved. I again informed her that she had to get dressed only to be met with a chorus of NO's. I could see it was now time for Mommy Action. Gulping down the last of my coffee I turned off the DVD player and jerked the afghan off the whining mass on my sofa. With the skill of an experienced alligator wrestler I maneuvered that bratty 3 year old into her clothing, brushed her hair and put her shoes on her. I then considered that it probably would have been easier to wrestle an alligator as I would not have had to listen to the continuous whining while doing so. As soon as I loosened my grip on her, she darted up the stairs and into her room where I found her sprawled on her bed. I grabbed her by the ankles and pulled only to discover she was holding on to the bed rails. Luckily for me (and not her) I'm stronger than her and had a better grip on her ankles than she had on her bed. Soon she was off the bed and on her feet being led by the hand down the stairs. As soon as we got to the rails on the stairs, she grabbed one and held on whining loudly about how she WASN'T going to go to the park or feed the ducks. Again, my grip beat hers. She again tried the dart up stairs thing once my grip loosened but was beat out by a quick mom with a strong arm and good grip. Both offspring were herded out the door and off to the park we went. As if by some black magic not being cast by me, Cabbage Patch became an adorable sweet child as soon as we set foot on park property. And miraculously that held out until about 6:30 pm tonight. I'm not sure who has that voodoo doll or if it was just karma giving me a little break, but I am thankful.

You Talkin' To Me?

The crazy rodent with a pretty tail, looking at me, planning, plotting... I don't trust squirrels... Crafty little fuckers.

And Your Mother Dresses You Funny

Canadian geese here on a visa.

Run Forest! Run!

I know this photo makes it look like she was running in fear from the geese but really she was... Oh wait... She was doing that. Those geese are aggressive man!

One Pill Makes You Larger...


What? They just looked cool.

Anyway, the trip around the lake and brief jaunt in the play area was much fun for all. We came home, got drinks, the Little People put in a movie and had lunch. The Little People put in Forest Gump and much to my surprise, watch the whole damn movie. Freaks.

Speaking of movies, I watched the best damn movie last night. I'll do a whole post on it tomorrow. I've got a fucking headache right now so I'm feeling kind of crappy.

Sunday Slop

Sometimes the only redeeming quality of some of the people I have to deal with is that I make money off them. Sheesh.

Best comment of to day: "So you gonna do diagnostics on that kolache?" Yeah buddy, you know it, I just finished analizing the first one. mmmm...

More Dribbles

This is my last tiny break between apointments that I'll bet, so this is the last piece of nonsense I'll be writing.

So yeah, the cookies are rockin' my world again, and not in a good way. Fucking heartburn. Damn evil cookies.

The clock in this room is ticking but it's stuck on 4:01. I'm not sure how long it's been stuck like that, but it's kind of odd that no one has fixed it. When the batteries finally die it won't bother me... but I won't be in this room so it won't matter.

Yesterday we went shopping at the SUPER WAL-Mart for groceries. We spent about $80 for the next two weeks. That rocks.

I'm in a delima, I need a swim suit. I have a toobing trip that I'm going on the end of the month and I need a swim suit. I'm seriously opposed to myself in a swim suit, but I'm commited to buying one. I haven't owned a swim suit since I was like 13 or 14. I need help.

Well back to work.

Dribbles From My Brain

Some people need a slap. They have no right to be irritable if they tell me to come back after I sechedule everyone else and give them the last appointment and when I do be all pissy because it's not a time you like. SUCK IT!

One of the nurses made some cookies, I'm not sure what they are but DAAAAAAMMMN! They are rockin' my world! And I only ate one. Yeah, I know I need to get out more if a COOKIE is rockin' my world - it's a GOOD cookie though. And don't worry, I'm not going to turn to cookies for my sexual satisfaction (I have BOB and friends for that), I've got 4 offers for *ahem* company, I'm just trying to decide who to pull out of the stable for a ride (I'm only selectively slutty). And I have to say Marine is looking like the winning contender at the moment. He's HOT, HOT, HOT and REALLY GOOD. I've cleared my conscience also by consulting with a couple of friends who assured me it's quite alright for me to hook up with him just because he's HOT, HOT, HOT and just for a BOOTY CALL. (and for long time readers this is Marine from way back when, he's been talking to me lately, wanting a hook up)

I'm in an odd mood, kind of melancoly at times and mostly just content. An unexpected note and package from someone left me nostalgic for the past and brought up some hurts. *sigh* I'll be fine, I'm sure a little military company will help my mood. ;o)

Back to work now!

Cursed Toilet From HELL!!!

If I thought a voodoo doll of a toilet would work, I'd be sewing right now! Curse you EVIL TOILET!

When I entered my bathroom I discovered that the ENTIRE bathroom had been flooded by the overflow. Seems that a normal average adult response to an overflowing toilet is to a)back away in horror and disgust, b)pray it does NOT actually overflow and c)grab as many towels as possible and throw them on the floor to soak up the mess. BUT it wasn't a normal average adult in the bathroom when the toilet decided to refuse to accept the offending matter in the bowl. No it was the Tiny Terrorists. And what Chaos and Destruction did was none of the above. Here's what happened. After Cabbage Patch used the toilet she flushed the toilet (I should give her points for doing that) and instead of the water swirling around and wooshing down the drain, it just continued to rise, in response to this event Cabbage Patch did the unthinkable, she FLUSHED AGAIN! This resulted in a waterfall effect as the water cascaded over the rim of the toilet and splashed down on the floor. Super Girl seeing this did what any 6 year old would do and started screaming "Mamma! Mamma! Mamma!" (which is actually a rather normal occurrence around here) to which I replied "WHAT?" (in a somewhat irritated tone as I'd heard that litany of my name at least a hundred times this morning and figured they were probably fighting over the toothpaste or a barbie or something equally as IMPORTANT), the reply I got was "The toilet overflowed!" I yelled something to the effect of throw down towels as I gulped the last of my coffee and headed for the horrors that awaited me.

I expected water on the floor, not the flood that reached the door that greeted me. I started barking orders to Chaos and Destruction as they alternated looking amused and absolutely bewildered. More towels NOW! Go get a garbage bag NOW! Fetch the plunger pronto! It was time to get down and do battle with THE TOILET OF DOOM!!! I tossed towels down to soak up the biohazard covering the bathroom floor as I sloshed my way to face off with the vile beast. With Super Plunger in hand, I stared down into the mouth of the beast and muttered curses, vowing to exorcise the demons it contained. I plunged with purpose and when I thought it was safe, I stepped back and pressed down on the handle, praying for the swirl-swirl-woosh of a flushing toilet. But NO! The Evil beast spewed more liquid at my feet - which I quickly tossed my remaining dry towels on to avert anymore of a flood into my bedroom. I cursed aloud this time! I would not be beaten by a Demonic Toilet! With fire in my eyes and a renewed purpose I lunged forth with my Super Plunger in hand! I Plunged with force and fervor! I plunged with purpose! And finally I heard it, the noise I had been waiting for, a soft gurgle-gurgle and then the bowl emptied. Not quite trusting the deceitful toilet, I quickly gathered more DRY towels and slowly pressed down on the handle. Swirl-swirl-woosh. I had done it! I vanquished the evil toilet demons! The blockage from hell was gone! I could now flush!

Now, I have the added pleasure of washing ALL THOSE toilet water soaked towels and sanitizing my bathroom. Thank goodness for Clorox bathroom cleaner and a few hundred Clorox Cleanup wipes. I'm off to clean until a)I pass out from the fumes or b)the skin on my hands dissolves from the chemicals. What the hell, it will be clean though.

Strange Conversation

And so you don't think I'm in a totally pissy mood (which I am), I just had this conversation about cleaning out the gerbil cage:

HER : you should teach super girl how to do it
ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ME: *sigh* that's funny
ME: I'd end up with two dead rodents and one happy cat
HER: hehehehe
HER: well, that would solve one problem them
HER: then
HER: no more rodents to clean up after
ME: lol
ME: no no no
ME: I like my lesbian gerbil couple
HER : hahahah
HER : lesbians huh?
ME: I'm only speculating, they could just be really good friends

I'm open to all lifestyles, ya know.

Fun For Me!

What a great fucking day it's been so far! I've had the fabulous opportunity to clean the kitchen before ever making breakfast, done two loads of laundry and NOW I get to go mop up the water on the bathroom floor which is there because Cabbage patch over flowed the toilet. I love my fucking life. I love my fucking life. I love my fucking life.

Well I'm off to clean my bathroom before I get to cleaning the rest of this pig sty since we have people over tomorrow. If any of you REALLY love me, you'll consider taking up a collection for a MAID for me... or maybe just a collection so I can get some of those $15 boobs.

Now to go call on the gods of cleaning, Clorox and Lysol.

The WTF Moment Of The Day

To pick up the phone and hear "Hey! Ya'll have to come to Lubbock and see my debut as a drag queen!" Then have him go through the list of things he's gotten off Ebay and hear him rave about his $15 boobs.

No he's not gay, yes he is a freak.

The only lingering question I'm left with is "There's a gay drag bar in LUBBOCK???"

Asshole, he could have done this when he lived in Dallas, not like I can drop everything and head to Lubbock for a drag show.

Off to search Ebay for my own set of $15 boobs... or is that BOBs?... ;o)

Searching For Small Items


My nipples just attract people to them. I had to steal this picture off Selena's album.

Mandatory For Cat Owners

If you have a cat, by this. I need this. My birthday is August 11, buy this for me.

Scarby Recap cont'd.
Monday!

So Memorial Day Monday was probably the best damn day of faire ever. No, no, that's not true, the day that I managed to stay drunk most of the damn day was probably the best, but THIS came in a close second. The gay husband accompanied me to faire along with the progeny. So we played a game of pass the kids through out the day. The weather was absolutely PERFECT. Not to wet, not to horribly humid (though I did have bad hair) and not too hot. Those of you who went Sat & Sun but skipped Monday screwed yourself out of the best day! Neeener neener neener!

ED Crew

Man, aren't we the hottest bunch of pirates you've ever seen? Yeah I know we are. It only took like 20 shots to get this. hehe WAY to many cameras there.

My Favorite Fish

Dorry! I love Dorry! She helped find Nemo!

Double Your Pleasure

Double your fun! Oh yeah baby. I kilt checked them both, I can attest that they dressed EXACTLY alike, and that Sable shaves. HER LEGS you perv! Sheesh! (She gets a bikini wax for the rest.)

Patriotic Boobies!

My gawd, who wouldn't salute that!

Pouty Pirate

Can you freaking believe I gave birth to something so damn cute??? Somebody give me an insulin shot quick!

Good Wholesome Fun

It wouldn't be faire for the Little People without Captain John lovingly putting them in mortal danger.

Instead of going through a play by play, I'll just hit the high points & all for the weekend:

HIGH POINTS
Seeing my fabulous friends! I'm so glad I met everyone! I totally regret that a certain someone discouraged me from joining the Ren community. I understand why, but come on, what an ass! The people I've made friends with are so amazing and care so much, I feel like I've won the lottery on friends. Okay, enough sappy sentimental shit...

Hearing from people how lovely Lady Mara looked in her dress.

Watching Koolagh propose to Badra. I swear I got all teary.

*content removed*

Loki in the morning, Loki in the afternoon, Loki in the evening. Thanks Wynde! I had a buzz for most of Monday! Woohoo!

Seeing how cute my progeny looked in the garb I made then JUST THAT MORNING. Yeah, I rock.

Waffle House trucker dinner on the way home. Gawd damn nothing is better after a day of walking faire and not eating than to replenish with steak & eggs, hashbrowns (with cheese, tomatoes and mushrooms) and a side of hot buttery grits. Yes I did eat all that, I was HUNGRY.

SNARKY MOMENTS:

Oddly enough on both days I had an ex and their new significant at faire. It was inevitable that people would make snarky comments to me. I was amused. Since I'm bitchy deep down, I'll post them, since I'm not completely MEAN I won't say who they were about and since I doubt either of the people these remarks are directed at read this blog, it really doesn't matter.
"Oh dear gawd, what does he see in (nameless person)??"
"Yeah well I've talked to (nameless person), the lights are on, but nobody's home, if you know what I mean."
"Oh dear, they aren't very attractive are they?"
"What the hell is wrong with (nameless person)?" (I dun know)
"Ya know, they deserve each other."
"What did you ever see in him?" (I'm not sure, pity maybe?)
"Shit! You can do better than that!" (I already have! And it was Goooooood!)
"*snicker, snicker, snicker* You've got to be kidding?"
"Wow, talk about him being desperate. (breaks out into evil laughter)"
"No really, THAT is his lover? *snickers*"

Other Snarkiness

The amount of men in tights with BAD bulge was shocking. What is bad bulge? A man who is too hefty to be wearing tights but still stuffs himself into a pair thus creating the unsightly and traumatizing BAD BULGE. If a man has a DUN LAP (as in his belly done lapped over his belt), he has no business wearing tights. There should be a LAW against that. And the worst offenders seem to truly believe they are STUDLY and HOT and will complete the BAD BULGE look with NO SHIRT subjecting the innocent (and not so innocent) public to avert their eyes at the retched sight of way to much wiggly, jiggly man flesh and generally their wee little pleasure pen pressed tightly up against the ever so over stressed fabric that one can tell the mans religion if one were so inclined to do so and not retch. My friends and I were discussing how BAD BULGE should be obliterated from the faire and how exactly it should be done. It involves gasoline and matches, so I'm in! Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

And with that, I'll end this horrid bitchiness and return you to the normal brain damaging content.

Scarby RecapLittle People with the Gypsies

So Sunday was my first day at Scarby for the weekend. I had to work so I didn't make it there until after 2 pm. My kids were already there having gone with Uncle Petey as their daddy wanted to go to some stupid gay barbecue and could not wait for me to get home from work - which I did NOT want to be at but ya know, bills don't pay themselves. SO, I was a bit on the HOMICIDAL side when I got there, not towards anyone there, he was after all still with his boyfriend and therefore SAFE (for the moment). After a search of the grounds with the help of Wynde, I managed to locate the Little People and Uncle Peter - luckily not too much havoc had been wrecked on Scarby.

With homicidal feelings till nestled close to my heart (to keep them warm ya know), I relieved Uncle Peter of his duties (although he did offer to keep them for the rest of the day, I politely declined as having my offspring with me would keep me from drinking with complete abandon or trying to purchase a weapon to present their father with later that night).

With The Gypsies

I TRIED to sell them, it didn't work. Damn it!

Captain John is the BOMB!

Their blind admiration for Captain John is almost frightening... Almost... I know I can use it to my advantage at some time. Bwhahahahahahahahahaha....

Hit him HARDER!

Okay, well who wouldn't love a man who ASKS you to hit him HARDER! hehe... Okay, I'll stop right there on that one.

Dragon

He's not so scary! Unfortunately I snapped the photo too soon so you don't see the smoke. *sigh* Me and my premature shutter, I heard there are drugs for that.

Crazy Man

And what day at Scarby would be complete without Captain John doing something mildly dangerous with my progeny? They LOVED it. They worship him.

Unfortunately my homicidal tendencies had subsided by the time I left the faire, only briefly to be reignited on the drive home - but not directed toward K. I made it home, dunked the Little People in the bath (mud, mud and more mud) and headed to bed.

well that's about enough for now. I'll post more highlights from Monday (which was the BEST day) and many snarky comments that were heard. More to come - Nipples, double trouble, naked butts, Loki, ex's, swords and a bug bite under my boob! I know, you can't wait. Go on and get your popcorn, I'll wait for you.

Scarby

Well it's over, which is kind of sad. I'm tired though. Much to write about, booze, nipples, fairies, big dog, double vision, kids, gay husband, Captain John... much to write. I'm tired though. I need a 3 or 4 hour nap. So... look at the photos and when I'm back from my snooze, I'll fill you in.

Here are the photos from Sunday and here they are from Monday.

I will say that the weather was ABSOLUTLY perfect on Monday. Sunday was okay, but so humid and nasty at times. Anyway... off to nap.

How To Charm Me

Despite dealing with SEVERAL snotty parents today (and I had at least one of the nurses agree with me on that), I'm on top of the world. Here is part of the e-mail I got from Lady Mara regarding the dress:

...You did a fantastic job on the dress in short notice. I just can't express the gratitude I have towards you because you made my dream dress come true. Thanks a million!

That makes me feel good knowing she loves the dress.

How To Get On My Very Last Nerves

Keep singing 'Baby, Baby, One More Time' even after being told to STOP no less than 30 times. Why can't they go back to singing Evanesense again???

Sex, Lies & Video Tapes

I never saw that movie, so obviously that's not what this post is about. First let me say that - THE DRESS IS DONE!!! DONE!!! DONE!!! (and paid for) Lady Mara is quite pleased with the dress and I have to say I'm quite pleased with how things worked out considering that I was short on time, the dress was double the work I expected to have to do, I hurt my back and had a day of doing NOTHING and I have two children that take up most of my time. All said and done, I did the dress in 3 days - I didn't sew continuously as the wee people need something about every 20-45 minutes so I have to stop and tend to them. Doesn't matter now. It's done, just at the point that I was about to surrender my sanity to the black pit of frustration, I finished. It was 10:30 pm tonight. Lady Mara was a good sport about waiting for the final alterations to get done... And... It's DONE!

Other random crap in my brain that needs to escape as it's been trapped in there for all this time that I've been sewing and not blogging...

I need a freaking manicure and a pedicure. I love manicures and my hands look like shit. I've never had a pedicure and my feet look like shit. Anybody love me enough to give me a manicure/pedicure certificate? Anybody? Anybody?

I was just reading someone's blog about how they were taping a segment for a television show and how much trouble it was and how exhausting it was and it reminded me of the time my sister and I flew out to LA to be on a TV show. It was a fucking blast! Probably the most fun I've ever had. No... No... That's wrong.. That would have to be the first time I had an orgasm. My gawd, I probably masturbated 10 times that day just to make that happen again and again... and again... and... you get the idea. Second to that would probably be the first time I had oral sex and got a big O. Sheesh, I wasn't sure what the hell he did, but I wanted him to do it AGAIN! I was about ready to pin a medal on that man. Damn that was great, makes me want to call him up and have him over for some more. But I digress (as usual), LA was a fabulous trip that D and I had, I still have the tape of the show. We should do that again. The trip to LA, not necessarily the TV show... Although that would be fun too.

Well that's all... I think my brain is empty or I'm just tired.

Promoted!

Nothing is harder or more rewarding than being a parent. As a parent I look forward to all the 'milestone' moments she reaches and then end up in tears at the actual moment. It's wonderful and amazing that she's acomplishing so much - hell she can READ now! - but it's so hard to let go of the baby. Them growing up is scary... but also pretty amazing.



My sweet Super Girl is now a 1st grader. I started to cry the moment we got her to school. Then I cried throught he frist 10 minutes of the program - and the really sappy part is that I didn't even realize I was crying. Damn what am I going to be like when she graduates high school - I may spend the week before just stocking up on boxes of kleenex!



I'm so proud of her.

Dress Neckline



It's sooooo close to being done I'm frustrated I'm not already finished! I wanted to lighten up this photo but for some reason my photo editing software isn't working.

The Things You Can Find At WalMart

So there are drawbacks to going on a date with someone who lives in the same general area that you do. I turn around from doing my banking and who should walk by? Asshat!He apparently had just finished shopping with his kids. Luckily he didn't notice me - not sure he would have recognized me looking all ghetto mamma and all. Hey, back off, I been working all day so I got my 'working' shirt on and who puts on makeup to head to Wally-World??

ANYWAY... it was humorous to me.

Some Pics

Here is the dress, I haven't put the sleeves on yet - that will happen in just a moment. I figured I'd let everyone see the dress now as it's nearly done. Excuse the fit of the bust area as my dress form doesn't adjust any larger - but I know for a fact that part fits fine. The sleeves are my favorite part.

The Dress



Sleeve


Sleeve

Caffine Is My BEST Friend!

Don't be disapointed at the lack of updates, i'll be horribly busy sewing today.

Maybe I'll post photos later if I have time. It's quite pretty.

The kilt was delivered last night and by all accounts it looks fabulous.

I just purchased a new memory card for my camera at an absolute steal - I love E-bay. Do you know the way to E-bay?

Well I'm off to drink way too much coffee and finish sewing!

Stomach, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me??

Damnit, I thought we were friends! Last night due to my back being sore I had to take some pain pills. Now I'm sure you are wondering right now why my back was sore (or not, but I'm going to tell that little story now anyway). From televison. My back is sore from television. No not from watching it, from lifting it. And not just lifting it, but from carrying it. And the television was heavy, heavier than both my kids combined, but I still picked it up and carried it inside. Now stop that looking all confused shit. I was engaged in the time honored apartment dwelling tradition of Dumpster Diving. It's genetic I suppose, my father was a maintenance man for 25 years and he has outfitted his entire kitchen with fabulous appliances by dumpster diving, not only that but he also brought home a brand new entertainment center and washer/dryer. So don't knock it.

But I digress, I could go on about the joys of Dumpster Diving and the fond memories of my sister and I doing it, but this post is about me, pain pills and my stomach. Back to me. Monday as I walk back from getting Super Girl on the bus I spied a big 'ol television with a sign on it that said FREE. Being as my little television is well little and the speakers are going and I'm super cheap and super broke, I figured this was a gift from the Gods (of Television of course). Luckily for me this was only two doors from me because as I've mentioned before, it was fucking heavy. I got it as far as the neighbor's door when I had to set it down. Then I had to set it down every two steps, but I achieved my objective and there now sits a big heavy televison in my living room for the express purpose of mesmerizing my children (hey school is out on Friday - I have to have something to do with them!!). And Tuesday when I woke, I had not only a new televison but a sore back (and arms). Ahhhhh muscle strain!

It was time to hit K's medicine cabinet. K has a several bottles of narcotic type stuff for his migraines (which, thankfully he hasn't gotten in quite a while). The last time I had back pain I took some Naproxen which worked well, but made me sleepy. So I put off taking anything until bedtime last night. When I go to look for the Naproxen, I can not find it, meaning K 'cleaned up' and I will probably never find it because he didn't put in back in the right place. *sigh* So I start checking lables, Hydrocodone... no, I decided to pass on the hillbilly herione as I might need it if Courtney Love ever visits or if I need to make a quick buck on the street. The next up was Vicoprofen, no I'd never heard of this before, but it said it was for pain and I was in pain, so I took it. Then went to get ready for bed. About half an hour later I realized as I stared in the mirror aimlessly that "hey... I think these pills are kicking in" and stumbled off to bed. By the time I lay down my stomach is hurting and I have to get up and go throw up and repeat that for the next two hours every thirty minutes. No fun.

So now... I'm tired today and my back is still a little sore. So I took something - Tylenol - and I'm going to go lay on the couch while my child is memsmerized by the BIG TV.

Later... I'll have photos of the dress. Lady Mara's handfasting dress. But now, rest, then more sewing.

Smurfy Message Of The Day



Or you can just Smurf off if you don't like it!

Important Decisions

It sucks when one is looking for batteries for the remote and the only ones that are working for certain are the ones in BOB. One should never have to make the choice between changeing the channel from the comfort of the sofa and the life force of BOB.

ps... BOB won out, I can get up to change channels.

Waiting For Pick up

Kilt Front


kilt back


Repleating Things
This bad boy should have been delilvered weeks ago, just haven't made the connection yet - not just my fault on this one. I was going to take photos of the PROCESS of KILT MAKING, but I didn't which is probably okay since I had such a BITCH of a time getting the pleats done. I ultimately re-did the pleats three times before they were okay.

To Dixie:

HaPpY BiRtHdAy To you!
HaPpY BiRtHdAy TO You!!
HaPpY BiRtHdAy Dear Dixie!!!
HaPpY BiRtHdAy TO YOU!!!!

Love
Judy

High School Education

I can not believe I almost went to bed without writing about this. Today as I walked to the bus stop to retrieve Super Girl, i saw something on the ground that looked like a doll pillow, as i got closer I realized it was a small makeup bag that was really full. I picked it up the little pouch and upzipped it. I saw something made out of colorful glass but couldn't make it out so I started to pull it out and before I got it out even halfway I recognized what it was. A really pretty pot pipe. I got a chuckle out of it as i realized that some high school kid had lost their stash bag (yes there was pot in the bag as well as another small pipe) - I'm fairly certain it's a high schooler as it was right next to a car that I know is driven by a certain punk in the complex. Anyway, it gave me quite a giggle.

Oh, I'm sure you want to know what I did with the two pipes and little baggie of pot? What do you think I did? Went home and taught my kids how to toke, toke, give? Yeah right, give me a little more credit than that. My kids might learn to swear like a sailor from riding in the car with me, but I'm not about to teach them about smoking weed until they can by their own - kidding, kidding. I threw it away. Why? Well I haven't smoked pot in about 14 or so years and have no interst in doing so again. I would have dropped the pouch next to the car if the kid who drove it wasn't such a punk ass. So instead her weed is in a nice wooded (and poison ivy covered) area next to the creek. Sucks to be her.

Sock Monster



I'm not sure what show she's auditioning for but it's some musical involving mismatched socks, tap dancing and songs about clapping one's cheeks and head. I think I'll wait for the reviews before I see this one.

Echos Through My Head

I'm not sure why the conversations are so intersting today. Maybe there's something in the cream in my coffee...

ME: I think my kid is proud of being smelly today after recess... she just said "I was sooooo smelly!"
ME: weird
HER : that is really funny
ME: I SWEAR I didn't drink or do drugs while pregnant
HER : hahahaha
HER : suuure
ME: oh but NEXT time, you can BET I will!
HER : hahahahaha
HER : like there will be a next time
ME: Then when they act all messed up, I can be all "well it's not my fault, I was on crack/drinking 3 bottles of Jack a day!"
ME: yeah... never more... that's what I say about pregnancy.
HER : hahahaha
ME: Next time I feel that maternal urge, after i beat my head on a brick wall - if it's still there, I'm just buying a kitten.

That's just part of the conversation.

Maybe I Have A Concusion

As many of you do, I often wonder where the crap I write/say comes from. Like what the hell is up with me that I would write/say that...

Just had this conversation

Me: So I was wearing my DORK shirt yesterday
Me: and someone came up to me yesterday and said
Me: "You're not a DORK."
Me: I'm all like 'Well maybe I am." And I'm thinking 'how do you know? I might be THE QUEEN DORK of this city, hell this STATE even. You don't know me.'
Her: hahahha
Her: that is funny
Me: I might have been arested and wearing this shirt might be part of my probation
Me: some people

Maybe my mother drank a lot while pregnant with me.

Fruedian Slip?

Her: I need a good 8-ball.
Me: hmmm?
Her: MAGIC 8-ball that is.
Me: 'Cuz you know, I could hook you up. (I live in the 'hood after all)

What A Dork I Am

Yesterday I BROKE my memory card for my camera. Damnit.

Today I messed up Winamp when I downloaded the newest version. Fuck... none of my music for me.

What A Dork I Am Not

I fixed the light in the celing fan when I replaced the burnt out bulb as it was driving me batty with it's constant wiggle. Electrical tape is the bomb... not as much as duct tape, but it's still up there.

I fixed my memory card some what - thanks to electrical tape (I don't have scotch tape otherwise I would have used that). It will hold for now - though it's a tight fit in my camera and card reader. It's going to have to do until I can get a new one off E-bay. *sigh* Someone had an extra they were going to give me at one time... can't remember who that was... Oh well, I'll just have to shop now.

American Abomination

Last night I saw American Idol for the first time ever. Yeah, I know, it's hard to envision someone who hasn't seen ANY of the reality television shows which dominate the airwaves. I'm not sure if Queer Eye For The Straight Guy counts as a reality show as it doesn't really seem all that real, but if it does, then that is the only one I had watch prior to seeing American Idol last night. And here's what I though... If I never see another episode of AI before I die, that's quite alright with me. I can NOT believe people get HOOKED on this shit. Honestly, I felt the intelegents being SUCKED from my brain. What a fucking stupid show!!!

But hey, if you like it, that's fine with me.

How To Charm Me


As we chat at 11:30 pm last night and I lament my lack of creamer, offer to stop by Starbucks in the morning and bring me some, THEN remember that I don't actually LIKE Starbucks coffee (just the frappichino) and offer to bring me cream for my coffee and ACTUALLY do it! You rock... and so does this coffee. mmmmm...

Garden Blooms

First Bloom

My first bloom! More than likely the ONLY one I will have also. I so suck at this gardening stuff.

Side View

More of the SAME bloom. Gotta get it's 15 of fame ya know.

Now if only I were a poison ivy farmer...

Prolific Thing

I walked along the creek this morning after Super Girl got on the bus, I wanted to see just how much poison ivy was out there.

And this is...

Even MORE! Much to my dismay, there is a HUGE amount of poison ivy in the bushes. Damn. But now I know what it looks like... and as G.I. Joe always says, "Knowing is half the battle!"

Agressive Flower Picking

This morning Cabbage Patch was in a bad mood because me being the Ogre of a Mom that I am, would not allow her to wear missmatched socks with her pink sandals. When we got to the bus stop, she stood around whineing about her socks and my brutal treatment of her (I took off the socks and put her shoes back on her sans red and tan socks), as soon as she saw her sister about to pick some pretty yellow flowers her crying stopped and she bolted ahead of her to snatch them up before Super Girl did. Super Girl was PISSED now. It was ON. She ran off to grab as many as she could before Cabbage Patch did. Nothing is more amuseing than two little girls angrily picking flowers out of spite for one another.

Phone Call From The Past
*cue Twilight Zone music*

Today just before K got home from work, I recieved a phone call from the past. No not from 'beyond' or from the grave or anything like that, just someone I hadn't talked to in a LONG freaking time. One of my oldest and dearest friends actually - MJ.

We talked for just over half an hour, until his cell phone battery was about to die and as I chatted, K arrived home with bags of groceries for me to make dinner from.

MJ and I share a common bond - not just our gaming geekiness, but we are both from Louisana. The minute he starts talking about his family (Louisana family that is) it's hard not to think of tasty cajun food (because usually when I see his mother it's at a gathering at his house that happens around a meal). After I got off the phone with MJ I checked the bags to see what was for dinner and discovered the exact ingredients to make my chicken and sausage gumbo. hmmm... Strange coincidence or were strange forces at work here?

Okay, it was just a coincidence. K adores my gumbo and BEGs for it. I like my gumbo but after doing all that work to make it, I rarely ever really want it, so I just don't make it except around his birthday - or when I need to bribe his brother for something (he's also powerless to resist the GUMBO). I prefer seafood gumbo or jambalya. I make it for him if he brings the ingredients, it's easy - because I'm just that nice to him. Gawd I really am a Patron Saint among the gay community. ;o)

Kickin' It Into High Gear!

I have just 2 weeks to finish about 7 projects... A couple BIG. But I can do it. (Just ask D about the 3 hour court dress) I'm feeling so much better and I'm excited about getting everything done. I just wish I had figured out the anemic thing a few weeks ago! Expect photos. ;o)

Oh yeah, and a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all my friends who have MAY birthdays - and there are a LOT of you fuckers out there! I love you all!

You Talkin' To Me?

Woohoo! Comments are back! So go ahead and say something, 'cuz you KNOW you want to.

How To Know When Something Is No Longer Cool

When my Aunt and grandmother came to Scarby Mother's day weekend, my aunt showed me something interesting. She and my other aunt had gotten their navel's pierced along with my 13 year old cousin. My aunt who is 50 something and her 44 year old sister got their navel's peirced with my 13 year old cousin. Here is a great big neon sign that it's no longer 'COOL' to have one's navel pierced - my middle age aunts got it done. If I HAD a navel piercing I would have taken it out right then and there when she showed me her freshly pierced middle age woman paunch. I'm just thankful my 70+ year old grandmother had not decided to one-up them and get her nipples pierced, I may have run from faire screaming if she had.

Pippy & A 40



No it's not Pippy Longstocking after a weekend bender, it's just Lady Edana after a long day at faire. Damn I wish I could have gone!

Just To Fill Space...

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You work too hard
Strangers think	You're hot
Friends think	You're a slut
Quiz created with MemeGen!

The funny thing is that I tried this with several songs and most of the times it came up that people think I'm a slut. Sorry folks, that's just wishful thinking on your part. Well... maybe not completly, but I'm a very selective slut. ;o)